�Who?�

�Crichton. He says that this primordial rock actually reminds him of his Earth.�

�No interplanetary travel, retrograde technology, fossil fuel-burning ground vehicles...he is a savage.�

Aeryn and Dargo, Farscape

Well, I�m having more problems with my Internet connection then Fred Savage�s career post Wonder Years. Seems every time I try connection to the Internet, I seem to send out more bites then I receive. Which means, I can�t open shit, none of my instant messengers, my web browser can�t find any pages. Now I probably shouldn�t complain since I only pay ten bucks a month for unlimited hours, but god damn slap nuts! I�m paying you to hook me up to the world, quite playing with my emotions here fuckers. Geez, think of all the other things I could be doing with that ten bucks. I could be two thirds of the way from buying a new CD, go out and eat at one of the local cheap restraunts, go and see Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back!?!?!

Yeah right, I stand as good a chance to see Jay and Silent Bob in the theaters as I have playing slap and tickle with Destiny�s Child.

You know what we need right now to pep up our country�s spirits. Get over this low funk the media is going through, finally have something for them to focus on. Get people glued to there TV screens at night and during the day gabbing for hours around the water cooler.

We need a War.

A little death, mayhem and destruction should put a spring in our step. Then I can sit in my chair flipping from one media driven channel to the next with a big plate of red meat, enough caffeine and nicotine to kill a donkey, and a six foot hard on with a cheeseburger on top while I sing Denis Leary�s �Asshole�.

heh

or maybe not.

Damn, I need to start copyrighting a few of my ideas before others can swipe them from me. Now I aint saying people have ACTUALLY taken ideas from me, I�m not that egotistical, but I am saying there are a lot of fuckers who get them out on the market way after I already came up with the idea. Now if I just gotten motivated enough, I would probably be a rich, rich man right now. For instance....

MP3 PROGRAMS

about four years ago, I was sitting at my community college, hunting for MP3s with about as much ease as filling out your tax returns. I remember grumbling �Why the hell isn�t there a

program that can locate these files for me.� And what happens........Napster thats what happens. Ok, maybe thats not a good example, look at all the shit he went through.

PEANUT BUTTER CUPS WITH JELLY IN THEM

With this country�s obsession with excess is the best, this idea would have made me rich enough to flip off Bill Gates right in his face.

AIR BAGS

Oh man, now I�m weeping in misery, why the hell didn�t I copyright this idea, I would rolling in the dough so much, I could finally take that year long retreat to Amsterdam I always wanted to do. Oh yeah, now I remember why I couldn�t copyright it, I was six......they don�t take you seriously at the office of patents when your only six.

AIR

You�re god damn straight I came up with the idea for air. I figured the lungs had to have some purpose, so why not have it enrich your blood with oxygen while expelling out the carbon monoxide. So all you people with your contestant breathing in and out in and out........you can thank me later.

So, I�m a proud recipient of the infamous HBO, but then again it isn�t exactly *cough* legal.

BUT ANYWAYS..........

Now the movies are cool, every Saturday night and again on Tuesday they show a new big hit movie, been some real good ones on there so far. Now, on Thursday night, usually around 11PM, they have there sex specials. From behind the scenes with strippers to weird ass sex related TV shows around the world. You can see whats new in sex groups like masturbation clubs and clown sex orgies *fucking freaky by the way*. From unusual sex toys, like hand made glass toys which btw I was sold on by there little bit on it. There expensive as hell, but god damn do they look like some serious fun. To bad I don�t have the money or a girlfriend to use it on and since I�m a no entries kind of guy, that eliminates that idea for now.

Been contemplating putting a �EXITS ONLY� tattoo on my ass, but then I would have to let some big, hairy, and sweaty guy near my a-hole.

So fuck that........

And to the next and newest sex toy they had, realistic sex dolls. These things looked way to real, from a distance they actually look like a person. There hand crafted, with detailed care for realism. They interviewed the creator of the dolls, one of there favored customers, and a couple who had just bought one. I was laughing so hard watching them work on these dolls, some lady was vigorously slapping each doll with some white powder, while the guy explained all the details they put into each doll. Breasts that feel like the real thing, to a softer silicon for her orifices, down to actual human hairs for her pubic region. The guy who was a favored customer was pledging his love for his doll, telling the camera how he doesn�t actually use it for sex in fear of damaging it, just uses it for visuals purposes while choking the chicken. Now thats some sad ass shit I�m telling yeah. The couple, the woman actually bought the doll for them and suprised him with it on his birthday. They show the couple testing it out, the guy squeezing the dolls breast with one hand and his girlfriends with the other, while proclaiming..

�Gee, it does feel real.�

I think he was talking about the sex dolls breasts.........at least I would hope so.

To bending the doll over and his girlfriend and smack each of there asses, which quickly turned into a drum solo.

I�ll tell yeah, they showed some pics of the dolls in various sexual positions, and I swear some of those pics, they looked so real you couldn�t tell the difference. On top of how realistic looking there making them, the creator was talking about upgrades he wanted to make for a more realistic touch. From a tiny motor that would make the tongue swirl and the eyes to blink, to censors in all the common pleasures centers so the more you tease an area, the more the doll will moan and groan until simulating an orgasm.

Now here is the problem with them, other then the whole sad, lonely factor of it. Each doll costs $5000, cause each one takes some painstaking, hand crafting.

Damn.........there goes that dream.

I�ll tell yeah folks, technology for sexual gratification is becoming more and more unbelievable.

Damn, we got some serious perverts out there.

Gotta love this country some times.

LATER

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003