Had me presenting an award with Andy Warhol, you know the guy who had a predeliction to Cambel's Soup and the whole "fifteen minutes of fame" shit.

I only presented an award, I did not hold the honor or recieving one.

*sighs*

Always a presenter never a presentie.....heh.

Like I'm going to take this as an inuslt when its so funny. Hell, the link did give me a good boost to my hits today.

So Weetabix, anytime you are ineed of an ecentric diarylander to be used as a character in your stories. I'm your dressing wearing, monkey spanking, smear peanute butter across my ass and let the dog lick it of kind of guy.

Anything for more hits you know...heh.

Did I ever make mention that I once was mistaken for a homeless guy?

If I have, to bad I'm telling it again...mostly cause I got the short term memory of a lobotimized mental patient.

It happened a few years back ago when I was severly poor and was going throw only three changes of clothes, my favorite set being pretty warn out and ratty looking but oh so comfortable.

Well I'm standing at a corner down town, waiting for the light to change so I can cross the street when this older lady jumps out of the car right next to me which was sitting, waiting for the light to turn green.

She walks up to me and hands me a pamphlet about some religious organization and telling me god was with me.

Oh shit, drive by redemption by god....I'm trapped like a dear in headlights.

Then she hands me a ten dollar bill and says, "here, use this to get some food."

Taken back by this woman leaping out of her car spewing some shit about god saving my soul then slipping a ten dollar bill to me, all I could manage to say is, "uh..thanks."

At first I was real excited, I had ten bucks in hand I didn't even expect to be getting today, score!

Then I though...hey wait a minute, she just thought I looked homeless!

I looked down at my shrit with tiny little holes at the bottom of them and one on the stomach and can see what she means but still...

So it becomes somewhat of a double edged sword as I think about this. Sure now I got ten bucks in my hand I didn't have before, but she thinks I look homeless...how bad off looking do I have to be to have that happen!

Now here is the ironic part of this....I did normally wore that outfit when I wanted to be comfortable, but in actual fact I was unofically homeless at the time.

I had been evicted from my apartment and was awaiting for another apartment to come open, so I was forced to call around to friends to see if I could live with them for a short period of time, so I was bouncing around from place to place for about two months. The closest thing I could call home was a small storage locker with all my furniture and crap.

Ok, so that wasn't a funny antecdote after all....I mean it starts off seeming like its funny then I bum everybody out by mentioning I was unoficially homeless for a short period of time in my life.

Not what you call a money making story.

But, to end this diary on a high point I will mention I'm on cloud nine right now.

As I have mentioned in here many times before that my computer is older then Jay Leno's jokes. Well, for the past week or so I have been getting online via a borowed lap top from a married couple I'm friends with.

This thing puts my computer to shame. If computers where oponents in a boxing ring, this computer would be Mike Tyson, Muhamed Ali, and Rocky Marceno combined, and my computer would be Pee Wee Herman and Shaggy from Scooby Doo who is also a quadrapalegic.

If computers where hookers this computer would be the ten thousand dollar a night hooker with a velvet lined vacum of a mouth and sparks shooting out of her pussy that make you give your "oh oh oh" face. While my computer would be the five dollar crack whore with more STDs then teeth in her mouth.

If computers where trivia game show contestants, this computer would be Stephen Hawkings, Albert Einstein, and Ben Stein all wrapped in one. My computer would be a mix of cheech and chong with beavis and butt head after a dozen bong hits.

Pretty much I'm saying my computer sucks diseased donkey dick and this lap top I would give up my first born to own.

Damn thing has a CD burner on one side and a DVD player on the other side. I'm typing this entry out as the DVD player plays Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back while I have a seperate thing on my actual television screen.

I'M MULTI-TASKING LIKE A MOFO!

This is not to mention I'm downloading a strategy game, checking my e-mail, and playing solitare when I'm bored or smoking a cigarette.

I have not been on this computer for even a week and I'm already completely spoiled by the bigger screen with the better video card, sound card, faster processor, faster conection to the internet, the fast response to opening programs or downloading web pages.

I'm going to weap like a weak kneed school girl after you told her santa clause doesn't exist, when the finaly take away this computer. I'm going to get back on my computer and be completely frustrated when I have to wait five days for the computer to start up then load up all the programs and web pages....its going to feel like I travel back in time only to have a shitty connection to the web, but none of the cool benifits of going back in time like winning the lottery or beating on the super bowl champs or something grand dealing with knowing about future events.

See as I'm talking about this married couple, I figure I'll bring up some intersting facts I learned from the husband.

You see, he works at the House of Flavors ice cream factory here in town. First off, they don't only make House of Flavors ice cream, but they also make ice cream for some top brand names, Hard Rock Cafe, and ice cream that is shipped over to England.

The ice cream they ship off to England is twice as creamy as the ice cream that is made here. It seems those Brits really love there ice cream to be creamy. Problem with that is, it makes it twice as fattening as the ice cream here.

Little fact I found out, you know what the average age of the majority of ice cream is when you purchase it in the store. Somewhere between three to five years old.

No shit, thats some old ass ice cream. You know what the life expectancy of ice cream is on the shelf, properly frozen and unopened....nine years. God damn, that has got to be the oldest food I have ever eaten....well that and twinkies.

I will tell you this much, its good to have friends who work at a ice cream factory. I have had some ice cream that isn't even a week old and even the cheap brand of the ice cream is some of the tastest shit I have ever tasted.

Now I'm just waiting for the day when they do another batch of Hard Rock Cafe ice cream because his wife keeps raving about how kick ass of milk shakes they make. Not to mention tasting that twice as creamy English ice cream.

Its amazing how many places this shit gets shipped out and how far.

This isn't the only factory in town that delievers so much product that they make up for a good majority of the countries market.

We have the only exising Carrom board game company in existance.

I don't know about you, but I had a Carrom board when I was a kid. It had detachable legs on it with pockets on the corners and sides so you can play pool with the pieces and the "pool cues" that come with it, or use the pieces to play checkers on.

These boards get shipped country wide and over seas, and we have the only one in existance, the only one to ever exist.

Sometimes this town that hell forgot can through a few suprises at you.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003