So Chrome, why haven't you updated all weakend and Monday too?

Answer:

My internet connection sucks big donkey dick with passion as a hooby?

DING DING DING TELL HIM WHAT HE'S WON CHUCK!!!

Chuck: Thats right, you have one three days and four glourious nights of extremely slow internet connection punctuated with times of it completely freezing up on you. Oh wait, there's more! You will find every time you try and connect to the internet, you will send out more bytes then recieve afectively stopping all access to anything on the internet! Your time would have been better spent plucking out your pubic hair with tweezers! And incidently it would have been more fun too!

Mother fucker, I had absolutely NO FUCKING LUCK with anything computer related this weekend.

First off, my internet connection, as stated, didn't work. I could occasionaly get online to check my e-mail, but it would constantly lock up on me when I even did that.

Next up, I had a potential chance at upgrading my computer just a bit. It seems Dragonhawke and Prego have a bunch of computer parts laying around, and was offering me a deal to help upgrade my computer. I am so ready for an upgrade it isn't even funny anymore.

So, they come over with a box full of shit, and we crack open the case of my computer and see what we can do. First off, new processor, yeah!

Oh, whats this? It doesn't seem to fit on my mother board.

*mumbles* damn

Ok, lets try out adding some more RAM to it.

Uh, it doesn't seem to work on your mother board.

*quietly growls* fuck

Ok, how about this instead. How about you put all those parts back into your computer, and you just sell me the tower instead?

*after a day and few hours tinkering around*

Uh, it seems the tower no longer works.

FUCKFUCKFUCKITYFUCKFUCK!!!!

Ok, I guess I stick with the old stand by. Wait to hear word from my brother about him giving me his old comp because he no longer uses it or needs it.

Alright, heres the deal on that. About a year ago, my brother graduated from college and got a job at an accounting firm. He travels around the country all the time, because his firm gets hired by other companies to look at there books to see where there losing money uneccassarily, or to see if there breaking some laws and how much in fines they have to pay out. So, his computer is a complete waist to him now. First off he is hardly ever home, second its just not good enough to run all the software he needs to run to do his job, plus he needs his computer with him where every he goes, so his company gave him a lap top.

So, because of this, and knowing how much of a piece of shit computer I have, he offers me his computer for free.

Oh, very wicked, a free computer and its not all that old.

That, was roughly about a year ago. So I see him at christmas time and I casually make mention of the computer he offered me. I didn't want to be a jack ass about it cause he is offering it for free, but I never get to talk to him for many reasons.

Thats when he tells me he thinks there is a virus on the computer, and it makes some weird clicking noise everytime he starts it up.

Ok, that all can be fixed and at a considerably lower price then buying a new computer. So I tell him to bring it to me and I'll see what I can do with it. He offers to pay for fixing it, even if it means replacing the entire mother board.

Alright.....my brother the saviour of my computer geek hell.

Ok, its been over five months since he has said that.

I called a computer store in town and told them all the things that is wrong with the computer. I'm told by them it probably isn't a virus, its just that clicking noise is probably the arm on the hard drive and that its broken. And when this happens, the computer can't seem to read the boot up files for your OS.

So, no virus, just have to replace the arm. Just in case its both things, I get quotes on the price on both of them. In total, to fix both problems it will cost me less then a hundred dollars.

Well, I let my brother know about this in the only way I can get a hold of him....through our mom.

I care not to go into details why we don't talk one on one, lets just say it isn't because we dislike each other.

So what do I hear from her on her end about this? Well, he is talking about it taking tell fucking christmas to get it fixed and to get it to me.

FUCKING NEXT CHRISTMAS!!!

Thats seven fucking months away from now, a year and half after he offered me this computer. And as we all know, the computer industry is such a rapidly growing industry that after six months, your computer is seriously outdated. So, a year and a half on top of how old it is, will start making the damn thing look like a dinosaur in the industry.

As if it doesn't already.

Then again I really can't complain about it, cause it HAS got to be better then my comp.

Let me just show you what hell on the internet looks like by giving you the stats on my computer. Now I warn you, this is going to get a bit scary, so hold onto your panties tightly and try not to soil them.

Mother board: An old 586 upgraded to a 686.

Now we aren't talking about MHZ updgrade here. We are talking about an ancient time when computers where not judged by MHZ, they just where either something in between 186 and 686.

Processor: AMD processor that ACTS like a Pentium 66MHZ.

Yes, you may weep freely at this time.

And when I say "acts" what I really mean is that it can run Windows, but preaty much not another fucking thing that runs on an actual pentium.

RAM: 40MB.

*openly weeps like a little girl*

HD Space: 2GB.

The only consilation to this is that my memory actually reaches the gig a byte stage.

Video and Audio Card: have not a fucking clue

Just mark them down as "flaming pieces of shit".

Modem: 28.8 external.

Which is ok figuring my wannabe pentium 66MHZ actually bottle necks even that low end of a connection.

Printer: Cannon 2010

Freakin doesn't work for shit and I have no clue why.

CD-ROM: 48X.

Ok, this is my ONLY means of bragging about my computer. Everything else sucks on my computer, but I can play things on my CD drive at a very high speed. This is sort of like the equivalent of putting a six thousand dollar stereo in your Geo Metro with more rust and duct tape on it then anything else. Sure you can crank out the tunes, but you'll be lucky if the car runs in the first place.

So thats what I have several times reffered to as a very expensive paper weight on my diary quite often.

And I hear on occasion people complaining about how much of a "flaming piece of shit" there computer is. Hear them go on and on how bad it is, and how slow it goes. Then, the finally mention how many MHZ it is and its usually something like five to six times faster then my comp.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!

Your idea of "hell" is my idea of "heaven" with a slightly warm breeze. You want to know what hell is REALLY like, how about you get on my computer for a week....no make it a day....fuck that, make it an HOUR and you will see new visions of hell that will make your toes curl and all your pubic hair fall out.

The only bit of hope I have left in computers is the possibility the tower will still work after a friend of Dragonhawkes looks at it. If he can't do anything about it, then I'm completely screwed.

So know this my friends, when you are in the bleak darkness of the night. When it fills the air like black ink, deadly clouds crawling across the sky like a preying creature, a bone chilling wind stirring. You will hear a soft, sorrow filled weeping off in the distance so filled with pain that it will ache down to your very soul.

Yeah, thats me...sitting here....crying like a little bitch.

*sighs then mumbles* damn computer.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003