Sorry Fuzzmom, I didn't intend to make you cry. Just a little nostalgic piece I had going there.

And the whole ass whopin thing...um then I'll have warn you about future nostalga pieces just in case.

I know my ass would apreciate if I did that.

Now what I'm going to talk about here is just going to further how "freaky weird" I am in many people's minds. Namely him.

Which is ok because I've decided that this diary has yet another benifit to it I never thought of before. I figure if I catalogue all my strangeness on here, someday it may come in handy.

Say for example I finally lose whats left of my mind and take out half of Congress with a high powered rifle. I figure if I enter in a plea of insanity then direct them to this web page. I'm pretty sure they might just let me off with a little time in a mental ward.

Hell, they might even let me finish off the other half.

So I'm cleaning my ears earlier, which is somewhat of an obsession for me. Ok maybe its more then a little bit of an obsession. Its not a pretty sight seeing me after I realize I'm out of Q-tips.

I've come to realize cleaning my ears has become somewhat of a strange phenomenon for me.

Let me clarify this for you...

When I'm cleaning my right ear. Pure.orgasmic.bliss. Its like getting your jollies off at the same time she is scratching that nasty itch you've been desperately trying to reach for three hours.

I mean its cream your jeans kind of good. And I know I use the term "cream my jeans" quite often, but in this case I take it a little more serious. As a procaution, I stuff a towel down the front of my pants in case certain parts of me takes the phrase "cream my jeans" literal instead of figurative which is what its intended to be.

I don't trust my penis to know the difference between literal and figurative. Lets just put it that way.

So I'll slip the soft, cottony tip of my Q-tip into my ear. Let it just sit there for a second, don't move it around.

Its like I'm being naughty with my ear...teasing it.

Who's a bad ear..who's a nasty little bad ear.

ahem...sorry.

Then I'll start rotating it around my ear very slowly, pressing against the walls of the ear canal to get a real good cleaning. My left leg will begin bouncing up and down, mouth haing agape with a little line of drool slipping out, eyes rolled up in the back of my head as I'm lost in the pure bliss that is......complete ear canal cleansing.

Seriously, sometimes I got to fight against myself to stop rotating it over and over and over again. Its just THAT damn good. And I swear I need a cigarette and something to drink when I'm done.

Now the left ear, completely different story. No orgasmic bliss, no instanenous drooling, no eyes rolling in the back of my head. Instead it seems to trigger a need for me to cough. I can't explain it, but as I'm working that little Q-tip around in my left ear I have the strangest urge to cough.

Spanky has witnessed this first hand and seemed to be drawn between laughing his balls off or staring at me like I'm strange moon creature sitting where I should be.

I think that story alone has earned me a right to take out the heads of the top three oil companies along with Congress.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003