Saturday, Apr. 19, 2003 - 4:20 A.M.
Appalling, yes. Humorous...I hope fucking so!
Well I�ve been thinking about something that bothers me on occasion. See sometimes I base my more humorous entries on one line I think of during the day. Then when I write then post my entry I realize I have forgotten to put in that line I wrote the whole entry around. I really hate when I do that. And I don�t usually realize it till shortly after I�ve already posted the entry. I mean I could go back and put it in, but the majority of the time that means re-writing large portions of the entry so the line makes sense. So I say fuck it�the entry is good enough I�ll just save that line for another time. Only I don�t do the smart thing and write down the line for a later use. This always means I�ll never end up using that line unless by pure luck I remember it again. But then there are lines I think of and wonder�gee should I really use that line? I mean its mildly offensive humor that might be more offensive then humorous. Plus I try and keep my crass, baser humor down to a lower percentage so I don�t completely dumb down this diary to the point that any new *and some long time readers* might thing I�m a flaming moron. Which�you know could be very well the truth, but if it is I�d rather not have the illusion broken. Now I�m thinking with these lines why the fuck don�t I just go ahead and use them! Yeah, but I�ve forgotten most of those like I�ve forgotten the ones I intended to put in a diary entry. Plus most of them fit into specific entries so sticking them somewhere else has the potential of killing most of the original humor of said line. Instead I�m using lines I�ve carefully crafted for your amusement and put into a list that depicts the basic idea behind said lost lines of appalling humor. So in the memory of lost humor I give to you� The list of vaguely appalling things I probably wouldn�t put in a regular entry, but have no problem making a list of. 1. I came to the realization lately that I�ve been smoking way to many cigarettes. How I cam to this realization is that I just farted and it smelled like an ashtray. Time to lay of the smokes, Slappy. 2. Don�t you just hate when your nuts itch so much while standing in public you are willing to find the first crotch high kid with a crew cut and rub those bristly hairs over your mini planet populaters just so no one thinks you�re scratching your balls? Better to be considered a pedophile then the guy who got caught scratching his nuts in public I always say. 3. You know George Bush Jr. wouldn�t be such a bad guy if he didn�t horribly suck at giving head. 4. I once had a woman ask me if I tickle my balls while I tweak my nipples in the darkness of my bedroom. And I asked her if she thought it would be in bad taste if I asked her sister if she liked doing that to me or not. I�m thinking I�m never going to get to sleep with that woman�.maybe her sister though. 5. Do you think it�s a bad idea that I should tell a friend I�ve had fantasies about fucking his mother up the ass on occasion? Oh to late�he didn�t appreciate my candor. 6. When ever I see a dog with enormous balls I have to wonder has that dog ever tea bagged his owner when they where sleeping? I�m sure there is porn dedicated to this particular pondering. 7. I wonder why no one has invented pills for men to take so there sperm tastes like a sweet treat like strawberry shortcake or cherry hard candy. And if so are there men out there who compete with there girlfriend/wife to eat his sperm when they are both on a diet? 8. I bet you a lame puppet show is better then getting a dick up your ass any day. 9. I say if you get busted by an undercover cop posing as a hooker you should get a mandatory hand job from her. I mean after all she�s fucked you pretty good you might as well have the big pay off at the end of it. 10. Apparently I seriously offended a girl friend of mine when I stated my preference of having my ass slapped occasionally when being given head. Then again I probably could have picked a better time to say it then at the dinner table at her parent�s house. Next time I�ll wait till the holidays are over before I bring that up with her again. 11. Speaking of getting head. Beware of any man found purchasing a wet/dry vacuum while buying Vaseline in bulk. I�m just saying. 12. You know what I don�t get about strip tease bars? How come it costs that much for a lap dance when you can get the same thing for free on a seriously crowded bus? 13. I think the fine art of fucking with a little kid�s head has gone seriously unappreciated in this day and age. 14. I wonder if its easier to get booty calls at retirement homes if you cover your dick in Ben Gay first. 15. I can�t wait till the day they finally create working teleporters. Then I can take a big ol steaming pile of crap on the pad and send it to every telemarketer who calls me. That way I can really let them know how I feel when they call me in the middle of my dinner.
So�I wonder how many readers I�ll lose with this entry.
It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004 An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004 A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003 a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003 Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003
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