Goodfellas

Well, over all I like to think I'm a preaty nice guy...

bitter, sarcastic, repressed, and tempermental, but still a nice guy....most of the time.

You see, I have this little thing I like to do to people. A bit deviant perhaps? Cruel and intentional.....uh yeah. Funny as fucking hell? You bet your sweet ass it is, well to me anyways.

I LOVE SCARING THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE!!

I can't help it, its a sickness I swear. I'm addicted to it like your local crack whore down the street. I'm tapping the viens on my arms, shuffling my feet, and grinding my teeth for my next hit. Ok, maybe not THAT bad, but you get my point.

Now, I don't get all elaborate with this, I'm not out buying the newest gadgets at Scary Shit R' Us, I'm not hiding in a giant cardboard box waiting for someone to open it up and jump out. I keep it simple, but oh so effective.

by the way, prank tip of the day: Best people to play a joke on is someone with alzheimers, you can play the joke on them again five minutes later.

*insert painfull laugh and cringing here*

Now what I do is wait tell a horror movie is rented, which is commonly best watched in the dark. I wait for a opurtune point in the movie, has to be suspensefull with a long moment of silence in it. Then I watch the other people in the room for "that look", when there hooked in the movie to the point of blocking out all other things. Now the look is advious, the subject shall be sitting there as if someone thermal bond apoxed there eyes into "telvision viewing" mode, sitting nice and still *fidgeting and such usually means they aren't completely focused on the movie*. Completely clueless of the rest of the world and anyone in the room.

THIS is time to strike, when people have "that look" on there face and the movie reaches a teeth grinding, suspense filled quiet. All you have to do then is yell something out and you will scare the shit out of them. The key to the yelling is A)Make sure it comes out real loud with the first sounds you make, like hearing a dog's first bark late at night B)Make it something quick like calling out there name or just babbling something incoherently real loud.

Trust me, the majority of the time this results in as little as a tiny jump to nearly pissing themselves with fear.

This trick worked freakin miracles with people watching the Blair Witch for the first time. I pullled this trick on four different groups of people and let me tell you, I got them all real good with this. Hell, one of the people I did it to was my own mother!

I'm THAT bad folks.......

One guy I go so good, that not only did he let out a scream like Ned Flanders off of the Simpsons, but jumped a good two feet of the couch and nearly came crashing down on the floor! After several hours of the obligatory cursing me out, he could laugh about it, after he called me a sadistic asshole that is.

The best and I do mean the BEST time to do it while watching Blair Witch Movie is when that one woman is in the woods screaming out "JOSH!!! JOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" And she pauses to see if he calls back. It gets real nice and quiet then, and you have the right amount of suspense to keep most viewers on the edge of there seat. Prime time for striking I tell you.

I'll tell yeah this though, if you wait to do it when she has the camera is in her face and her nose is drooling more then Dom Deluise at a free for all food buffet, it doesn't have quite the same effect.

Oh I have to thank Hollywood prefusely for picking up on that trend of long, suspense filled silence in there movies, giving me so many times to scare people.

Now, this trick works well in few other times of your life, but movie watching provides the easiest and cheapest means of pulling off said joke. Of coures it being late at night is the optimum time of a day, adviously.

Another time I like to do this is when I go to the woods with a group of people late at night. The best thing is to have a least a couple of them to be a bit gulible, the kind of person who takes urban legends and myths of ghost, ghasts, hobgoblins, demons, devils, and possesion as fact.

NOw, if they aren't already talking about that shit when your walking through the woods, with your best straigh face conjure up some horror story about those woods, stories of possesion are good, but stories of grizzly murders are the best. Get them all riled up with this tell they are taking panicky looks in the woods, hoping to not find the ghost of Elvis or some shit standing there.

Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boo... fry me up a peanut butter and banna sandwhich BHWHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Now, wait awhile after the story has been told, let there minds conjure up all kinds of hellish ideas and images. When you have given it plenty of time, thats when you stop everyone and very urgently quiet them all. Tell them you heard something in the woods and strain to listen to it, even if you didn't hear anything. Most likely, since ou got all of them all worked up over some story you told, they probably will stop, get quiet and strain hard to hear what you heard. Give it a bit time and let them listen to the woods, get real freaked out wondering if they really heard something or is it just in there heads, then.......SCREAM IT OUT!!

Gut splitting hilarity for you, and underwear destroying moments of fear and shock for them.

A moment of fun for all..........ok maybe just you.

Now mind you, I wouldn't pull this trick on everyone.

Like Ever I would never try it on. I would be to afraid that after she got over the shock of the moment, would come over and push me down and yell, "DON'T YOU EVER TRY ANY OF THAT BULLSHIT ON ME AGAIN ASSHOLE!" Kicking me in the nuts with each word to emphasize her point.

Or Anenigma cause well, let me put it to you this way. My nuts, a vice, and me screaming like a little girl for the next year and half of my life. Nuff' said on that.

And I wouldn't try it on Uncle Booby cause I might give the poor old goat a freakin heart attack. I'd feel kinda bad about that as I dug him a shallow grave in the woods. I'm kidding, I would at least give the man a chance by applying CPR on him. But you bet your sweet bippy I aint giving him mouth to mouth.UH UH NO WAY....aint happening.....last thing I need to be doing late at night in the woods is locking lips with a man, tasting the latest in dietery cuisine on his lips......aint happen....sorry man, tried to save yeah, but the lips are where I draw the line.

I also wouldn't try it on Gawain or Ragweed cause hell, more then likely they would be in on the joke with me.

And yes I know I have a sick and disturbed mine deriving so much pleasure from freaking people out.

Hey, its all funny to me anyway.

LATER

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003