"Yeah, you sound like your stoned. Wait a minute, We are stoned!"

Black Sheep

Well last entry seemed to hit it good with some people. And here I was worried it would be considered more crude and crass then funny, but judging by guestbook entries from Anenigma and Weetabix I'm not the only one who gets a good chuckle out of embaressing fart jokes.

Though I should have put a disclaimer on that page about unwanted body functions.

CAUTION: This entry may cause unwanted need to piss one's pants when laughing hysterically. Be full wanrned, don't wear your good panties when viewing said entry.

Heh, sorry Weetabix, I nearly ruined those pleather pants we all know you love oh so much.

And no Anenigma I'm not a stinky devil, I'm a freaky wierd farting machine, there is a suttle difference.

Now enough with the fart jokes, lets move on to something I'm known for. Random thoughts with pointless lame pissing and moaning thrown into it...heh.

So today was another one of my monthly grocery shopping days. Which started of seeming preaty simple and maybe just maybe I wouldn't have any problems this time.

*scowls and flips off bitter irony snickering in the corner*

The first thing to start off with wasn't annoying but a bit a bit weird. I was heading to Meijers where they have one of those coin counting machines, so I took a large store of pennies with me for a little bit of extra cash. Now one penny came back to me, and I really didn't pay attention to it, just grabbed it and slipped it in my pocket as I waited for my little cash voucher. I thought it was just a Canadian penny because it seems all machines around here hate those godamn canucks and refuse to take there tainted currency.

Biased freakin machines.....which is so fucking annoying especially when you have just enough change to get that pop, but one of the coins is Canadian. Then you got to pass that coin on to some poor unsuspecting schlob like you where passing on some kind of evil curse.

In short order I forget about my little rant about racist american machines as pulled out my list and started loading up my cart.

NOw some time later I went to the service counter to pick up some tabacco, and the money came out that I needed one more penny. Ah, that penny from before, I can use that.

So I fish it out of my pocket, still not really paying attention to it, and handed it to the cashier. A few seconds later she hands it back to me and says, "this isn't real money."

What, she is racist against Canadians too!!! I think I'm smelling a conspiracy here.

My eyebrows furrowed, I take back the coin as I secretly look around for cameras to this el conspirioso, when I notice it feels kind of funny, a little lighter then what I'm used to.

My first thought is its one of those silver coins that are floating around, I have gotten a few in the past and thats about how it feels. I take a look at it and it looks preaty normal, tell I look at the face of it and see "not money" written in small texts at the top of it.

Where the hell did I get that from??

As you may guess I did find myself a little red faced from trying to pawn off fake money as real. Its not as bad as if I handed her a fist full of monopoly money to purchase big screen T.V. or anything like that, but still I'm a bit baffled where I go it from.

Ok so the rest of the shopping trip went preaty normal tell I reached the counter. I of course sought out the shortest line with people buying small amounts of goods. In front of me is this old, silver haired man in a long coat that covers most of him. His cart is pushed back preaty far, which didn't leave much room to reach over the counter and start slapping down my purchases. I didn't want to be rude and start bumping it ahead as a hint, but he walked to the end of the isle and just left it sitting there as he gabbed away with the bagger.

Ok, so I fill up as much of the counter as I can reach as the cashier rings of his goods, and he still hasn't moved the damn thing. I give him the universal sign language of "move your fucking card old man!' by scowling then looking back and forth from him to the cart. Finally I just start pushing it up the isle to get some more room to move around in.

So I get all my shit on the counter and he still hasn't moved this freaking cart. He is gabbing away with the bagger so much that all his stuff just sits there unpacked as the cashier begins ringing up my own shit. Just when about to say, "hey old fucker, get with the program and move along." He turns a bit towards the cart and notices my little predictament, thats about when his coat opened up enough to reveal his catholic priestal vestments.

Whoa, I just about went off on a freakin man of god here. I'm not religous and am a strong believer in the quiestion everything beliefs, but this felt a bit like walking up to a plain clothes cop that everyone around him knows he is a cop, then asking him if he had a baggy for sale.

Plus I really didn't want to piss off the "family" and find myself one night jumped by a group of nuns with there prayer beeks of beating the holy hell out of you.

An aspect of religion little talked about, but a dark truth we all must live with....heh.

So, despite trying to pass of play money as real then cursing out a man of god, everything else goes preaty smoothly at Meijers.

Which so far isn't bad enough to bring down my good mood for the day, probably good enough reason why I shouldn't head to the next store.

Call me strangely optimistic, but I thought it would be a good idea to get all my shopping done in one day and be done with it.

So I get to the next store, a small chain store thats begining to buckle under the savings of Meijers and Wallmart grocery stores, and all goes fine with loading up my groceries. Even picked up a gallon of orange juice and a half gallon of grape juice at a really low price, which made me preaty happy because both sounded preaty tasty at the moment.

As if its a reacuring theme to this trip, my problems once again lie at the check out lanes. I started strolling up to an open cash register with no customers in line. Before I can even fit my grocery cart up the narrow lane, the woman behind the cash register asks me if I'm buying my food with cash or check.

Well, usually I'm asked this after I have unloaded my cart and it gets time to pay for it all. Which is why it seemed a bit strange to me as I said, "No, I'm purchasing all this off of my EBT card."

Cashier: Oh sorry, you got buy those groceries here then.

Ok, now I see why there is no one in this line, the credit card machine must be in the fritz. So I start moving my way down to another open cash register when the woman calls out to me again.

Cashier: No, I mean you can't buy them at all. Our computers are all messed up and there is someone working on them right now. So all we can sell now has to be either cash or check, we can't process cards at all at the moment.

Excuse me?? Tell me you didn't not just say that.

Ok, so how long of wait am I talking here....oh a half hour minimum huh. Well according to the clock I had fifteen minutes tell the bus service I ride is closed, and the idea of walking a mile and half in the cold with no jacket and arm loads of groceries didn't apeal to me.

I sat there incredulious, they didn't even have some kind of back up system for this, flat out COULDN'T do anything with cards.

So, a half hour of shopping, money for the bus, and me rushing to get this done so I don't miss the bus and what do I have to do. I got to leave my freakin cart load of groceries behind and pick them up another day.

Oh what the fuck........can't just ONE....I mean ONE of these damn grocery trips go problem free. Is that to much to ask for damn it!

God thing I'm not a religous man, because this would look like a sign from god saying...

"Hey yo, you be wanting to fuck with one of my boys. Well me and my boys are going to have to teach you a little lesson 'ere. Your choice, sleep with the fishes or be plagued by shitty computers in small chain grocery stores."

Uh, I'll choose the shitty computer thing if it pleases the GOD father....

Coincedence......yeah, preaty much so.

I was sent a forard today with pictures of birth symbol body art attached to it. There preaty kick ass and I'm goig to share my personal birth symbol pic on here.

I would do the others but I don't want to flood my account with twelve big pics, then watch my web page load slower then bondage porn sights.....

I don't know how fast bondage porn sights load....I have just heard rumors about it......yeah, thats right, rumors.

Hi, I'm a Libra
I like long walks on the beach
Night long conversations
and paintings of scales on big bazooms

Heh, preaty cool aint it.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003