"What."

"Did you just hear my phone ring?"

"Hell no!"

Friday

So I get this e-mail the other day, thought I'd share it with you all.

From : "Stoner" [email protected]

To : Undisclosed Recipients

Subject : Wanna Get High? 21810

Ok, that subject caught my attention...

Yes, but whats up with the .gov extension on the e-mail address! There is something rotten in Denmark......wait, I think thats my socks, nevermind.

Now Offering for your Sensitive Delight ... NEW & IMPROVED Temple 3 Ragga Dagga Exotic Pipe-Smoking Substance!

WHOO HOO! Sounds cool, man.....wait, substance?? What are talking about substance....ok, so what the hell is it then?

Thanks to recent emphatic, potentiated advances in the laboratorial processes for the extraction of alkaloids and glycocides from botanicals & herbas, we are now able to offer, in more cultivated/enhanced/viripotent/amalgamated format, what had actually already been the most significant, lawful, personal choice smoking substance available on the planet!!! Temple 3 Ragga Dagga is the sweet evolution of all of that�.SWEET, EXOTIC, PRODIGIOUS VEGETATION!!!

Whoa, you lost me there buddy, what the hell are you exactly saying? And whats up with this "substance" shit...

Beware, it seems the next part, there caps lock wouldn't turn off.

* EASILY IGNITED & STOKED

Kind of like my additude if you don't tell me what the hell is this shit is tute sweet.

* SMOKES SWEETLY!

Now talk about comical irony here. Thats what your girlfriend said about my dick last night.

* ABSOLUTELY LEGAL / NON-INVASIVE / NO DOWNSIDE

Ok, so it ISN'T pot....well we have eliminated that possibility....so what exactly is this so called "substance/vegetaion"....are you trying to get me to smoke spinach here!

* SOPHISTICATED�. UPLIFTING�. POISED�.

POISONED!! Why the hell would I want to smoke something poisoned you flamming tard!........wait a minute, that says Poised.....oops.

* LINGERS FOR A GOOD, GOODLY WHILE!

Well golly gee, it really really does! I would have never guesed if you only said GOOD. Thank god you throwin GOODLY, I would have been lost for sure.

* JUST A LITTLE SNIPPET / PINCH GOES A LONG, LONG WAY�.JUST 4 OR 5 DRAWS OF YOUR

PIPE (A traditional hand herb-pipe is included with each package of Ragga Dagga.)

A free pipe! Oh goody goody, it makes up for the exuberent prices of a "substance" for such a small quantity. Oh joy oh joy, I do love me some free stuff.

Temple 3 Ragga Dagga is an exclusive, botanical/herba, proprietary; Nepalesian, ultra-sensitive/responsive, exotic, pipe-smoking/stoking substance/substantiality/delight.

YOU SEE!! Even THEY don't have a fucking clue what the hell this shit is!

�Tis delightfulness, indeed�. T3RD is absolutely/undoubtedly the most prestigious, permitted offering of its sort on the planet!!!

Although they do think preaty highly of there own shit. I mean after all, it tis the best offering of its sort on the planet!! Whatever the hell it may be, aparently it ranks as number on here. And why go only as far as saying its the best shit on this planet. How about say its absoulutely/undoubtly the best shit in the galaxy. Dare I say, nothing beats it in the universe!

Hell if I know, I couldn't tell you what the fuck it is let alone how good the shit is.

SIMPLY MARVELOUS�.

There goes that god damn caps lock again.

An exclusive, proprietary amalgamation, comprised of extreme high-ratio concentrated extracts which are derived from various common and uncommon sensitive/responsive herbas; Ragga Dagga extractions are master-crafted into solid jiggets/bars which are structurally reminiscent of what one might find in the happiness coffee and tea houses of Nepal and in many ways possess a more sophisticated, more focused ambiance.

Or structurally reminscent of a brick of hash. That could be the "happiness" in those coffee and teas......I'm just sayin.

Some of our clients have sub-entitled Temple 3 Ragga Dagga as; Moody-Foody�. DreamMatter�. Big Easy�. Sweet Sensation�. Attitude Gratitude�. Sexeesh�. Groovy�. so on and so forth�. We hear new nicknames more and more frequently that speak the accolades of Ragga Dagga�. Just because, we suppose�.that T3 Ragga Dagga is the voice of personal choice smoking product.

Now I don't know if this is a sign of there clientel being highly uncreative or they have partaked in one "govermental bust sized quantities of the illegal shit" to many. Either way, they even can't tell you what the hell it is and they're smoking it, but instead created fucked up nick names for it. This is a lot like when you first find out about hog's head cheese. Even when you hear whats in it, you still have no fucking clue what the hell it is.

And what kind of nick name is Moody-Foody suppose to be! It sounds like a cheap rip off of "Tooty Fruity".....Tooty Fruity.....damn, now I have the munchies. Damn you, you.....you......you.........SUBSTANCE!

Ok, that took all the vengenance out of that sentence when I had to think what to call it. Cause there is NOW WAY IN HELL I"m calling anything Ragga Dagga or Moody-Foody.

PLEASE NOTE: Although no botanical factor in Temple 3 is illegal or controlled by regulatory agencies and no tobacco or illegal matter is included therein and thereby we are not age-governed�.

IE get it now before the goverment makes it illegal! Quick, buy our shit now while we can still sell sell SELL!! Nevermind what it is, just buy it before "the man" crams it into the catagorys of pot, heroin, and nasal spray

it is still our mandatory ethical policy that T3RD may not be offered or sold to any person that has not attained at least 21 years of age. All things in their time�.

Ethics in business......hm, maybe I have been watching the Enron trials to much cause that sounds like a oxymoron to me. Sort of like jumbo shrimp, military intelligence, and Tom Green's box office smash "Freddy got Fingered". Wait, that last one isn't a oxymoron, its just moronic.

Here is what our customers are saying about the Ragga Dagga phenomenon:

Yay! Testimonials from people who work in your office.....I mean from customers.

Thank you so much for the Ragga. It is everything you guys claim, and then some! I was a bit skeptical when I read your description of its effects, but there is literally no exaggeration in your advertisements. How nice that this is non-prohibited! It tastes great and feels great too! I am so glad I took a chance and ordered. Blessings to all of you.

-- Frankie R.

Hey Frankie, that wasn't Ragga Dagga you where smoking....next time stay out of my stash bitch boy.

I�m a man of my 40�s and I really know my stuff.

Translation: I'm middle aged and I'm compensating for my bald spot and my small penis by driving a corvette and claiming I know "my stuff".

I don�t drink or do illegal drugs anymore and have found a much more spiritual path.

Translation: I'm an ex-junkie who used to sell my body for quarters and some Robotusin. Now I have found GAWD, and all I got was this losey t-shirt.

I used to have to take Valium in the past.

Once a junkie, always a junkie. This is a truelly sad testimonial.

Not anymore with the Temple 3. It really amazes me how this stuff tastes exactly like the Lebanese and blond stuff I used to smoke in the 70�s.

Tranlastion: Are you sure this is not weed? I could swear I smoked a bowl at a Bee Gee's concert.

I am very satisfied with this product. I like it a lot and will be a customer for life for sure.

Translation: Here is my wallet, here, let me bend over this chair for "ease of penetration".

Whoever makes this stuff is an ARTIST at it. Who would have thought?!

-- A.J.

A man in his forties that goes by the name "AJ"....yep, DEFINETLY compensating for a lot here.

If it isn't advious, I'm definetly not buying any of this shit. Though it did give me something to write up here, so its not ALL bad.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003