Well I was bad today, I intended to clean my bedroom finally, get that level five biohazard down to something resmbling a human habitat, but unfortunetly I'm a lazy, procrastinating fucker with a pention of losing my track of thought any time there is something shiny near by.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You lazy, good for nothing puke! What the fuck do you mean you haven't cleaned your barracks yet!

Oh shit, he's back.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You're fucking right I'm back maggot. I'm here to whip your gello shaking ass into shape for your special lady friend even if I have to grab onto your balls and squeeze them tell there blue!

Gee, thanks for the offer there Sarg, but my balls are already bluer then the tidy bowl man. I blame Skinemax for this.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Well son, you do have a point there, though if the ladies on that shit where any further away from the crotch's of those men, they would need to send radio signals to each other to talk dirty.

Whoa, comedy Sarg, don't quit your day job buddy.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You just shut that pie hole, gutter trash, and listen up! You need to stop with this fucking procrastination crap or I'm going to come over there, poke your eyes out with my bayonet and skull fuck you!

Damn Sarg, you really have a thing for fucking my skull don't you. Yeah, you are right, I need to stop procrastinating and just get it done. Well, for my defense I did have a few unexpected guests come over and hang out for awhile and I still got my bathroom looking spotless. It went from looking like the creature from the black lagoon took a nasty habenero inspired shit to clean enough you could comfortably pass out on the floor with your face pressed against the oh so cool porcelian toilet.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Thats good boy, nothing turns a woman off more then piss driblets on the bathroom floor.

Um.. er.. I don't piss on the floor Sarg.....honestly I don't. Thats just water that splashed from the toilet....yeah, thats it.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Sure spankaholic, next thing you will be telling me that funny ass smell is from the pink elephant under your chair.

Yeah, that mother fucker farts a lot....oh yeah, and that marijuahana smell....thats the elephent too.....fucking shit smelling, pot head pink elephants man, they are going to ruin in this world, mark my words.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You slacked jawed panty waist, are you high!

Me Sarg? Hell no, I never touch the stuff.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Well thats to bad cause I had something for you here.

Holy shit, a jelly doughnut!

Uh...hey Sarg, you think I can still get that doughnut off you. I got the mad munchies like a mofo.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Eat up son, you are going to need the energy.

Wow, you are the best Sarg.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Eat a couple more of those, your ass isn't jiggling enough as is.

Whoa, hey Sarg, whats with the harsh shit after the lovin. Whats up with that.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Enough with this pussy footing around! Lets get to why I'm here.

*with doughnut up to my lips to cover my whisper* I'm wondering why the fuck you are here too you old shit.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY BOY!

Oh, I was just saying this wonder bread is fly as fuck but has mold and shit.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You crazy kids and your wonder bread. Now on with the program! First off, any time you have a special lady come visit you, you must get your shit straight! Clean those barracks, wash up that mess hall, I want to see that head shinning so bright I can eat my dinner off the toilet!

Well, what ever floats your boat Sarg.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Now, you need to learn how to sweet talk a lady. You lay on thick enough you can have her eating out of your hand!

Ok, thats a new one on me, I never heard of that fetish before.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Oh, you are just a regular comedian aren't you.

Well, I did once get paid for jury duty, I thought the check amount was preaty funny.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Listen up maggot! You need to learn the suttle art of seduction. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear, nibble her neck just under her ear, and make sure to casually caress her in subtle ways. Don't rush it maggot or you will be stuck with a life time of late night Skinemax broadcasting.

Fuck Sarg, don't scare me like that.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Now pay attention puke as I show you how a real man does it.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You see that boy! I whisper some shit about rose petals blowing in the wind as the sun sets the sky on fire as it makes its final stand before the night sweeps the land.

Damn Sarg, you some kind of poet there you big softy.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Don't make me show you the business end of my foot burried in your ass.

Ok, shutting up now.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Now I got her right where I want here, thats when I get down to business.

Holy shit Sarg! You really don't dick around with the....uh dicking around, do you.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Don't give me no shit son, you know you want to slap her ass and ride her like a goverment mule.

What the hell, show some respect Sarg. This is a special lady I'm talking about here not one of your five dollar sucky sucky ladies.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You trying to tell me you don't want to give her a full oral exam then finish her off with a pearl necklace.

Well I didn't say that.....heyyyyy, you tricked me Sarg, I didn't want to say that.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Quit being a fucking pansy you little red booty wearing maggot! If you don't shape up and start being a man I'll be forced to pokie out your eyes and skull fu...

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Oh shit, fat boy has that crazed look in his eyes again, thats my cue to get my ass out of here. Take my advice puke or you'll be sitting there with bluer balls then the smurfs.

Thanks Sarg, I'll remember to tell her how you feel about my balls.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003