Pure coincedence I happen to do a long tirade about religion after I mention you and your diary. I didn't even know you where a born again.

Why just goes to show you how much of a slacker I am. I would know this if I just back read your diary.

eh, fuck it...thats a LOT to read heh.

Oh yeah, one more thing.

I had a message on my answering machine that was a lot of heavy breathing and thats it. Was that you?

Really, truelly sorry I missed the offical "booty call" if it was. Next time I'll just have my messaging service forward your call to my limo.

Can we say "fantasy world" boys and girls?

I thought you could.

So....

It seems I'm growing to the mind frame of one wild and crazy guy about the automated check out lines at grocery stores.

At first, I really liked these things when I didn't have to much to buy. Sure, it goes against every code of conduct found within the offical book of the slackers....

Well, ok its more of a panflet photo copied over and over again. And where the hell did I put it again? eh....who cares.

Yeah, I got to do all the work myself, but guess what?

Very little social interaction required!

Yeah, my anti-social personality REALLY apreciates that aspect of the automated check out line.

So I decide to use one today, mostly because they where they very first check out lines I came across when done with my shopping.

You see how I apease my anti-social personality WHILE fullfilling my codes as slacker extrordenier.

Yeah, I'm smooth like that.

So I'm pulling off my patented scam of "buying as little as possible then pulling a butt load of money out of there cash register from my debit card account"(TM).

Just a little disclaimer on my patented scam here. Trying to pull it off at a automated cash register.....yeah, not a good idea.

So I'm going through with cashing my shit out, hearing the machine spew its pre-programed voice commands to you to give it that personal touch.

Please scan your first item.

Please place your item in the bag.

How will you be paying today?

My door is ajar....MY DOOR IS AJAR!

DAAAAAAISSSSSYYYYYYY DAAAAAAIIISSSSSYYYYYYYY

My total comes out to be around nine dollars, I want around a hundred and thirty dollars given back to me in cash.

Gotta love today's techologies where you walk into a store flat ass broke Then come back out with enough cash in your pocket to buy a dozen young boys in the Philipines.

Not that I know what the actual going rate is for young philipino boys......I'm just sayin.

The "cashier" behind the Star Trek like monitor bay/cash machine informs me I can only withdrawl a hundred dollars cash.

Fine, as I have stated in the past with my trade marked scam, I have ways of withdrawling the rest of said cash from yet another cash register.

So I scan my card, punch in my pin number, then type in the amount of change I want back.

Alright, now my math maybe failing me so help me out here. How is it you manage to have $9.16 worth of groceries and only get $10.84 change out of a hundred?

Yeah, you don't, I THOUGHT SO!

But, according the all powerfull a mighty automated cash machine, thats what I get.

Well, I'm thinking I fucked up somewhere, maybe typed in the wrong cash amount. So I cancel out and do it all over again.

Ten dollars and eighty freakin four cents.

Alright, aparently I'm just not understanding the moon logic of this automated check out line.

I don't know if it was me repeadetly slidding my card through and punching numbers in, or my verbal abuse of the computer, threating to shove my foot up its back port. Either way, the cashier/treky told me I have to type in the decimal point and two zeros afterwards to represent the cents.

Ah that makes........sense?

No matter where I place the decimal point, I'm still not seeing how I'm getting $10.84 change from 100 after spending $9.16.

So the fun and merriment ends in the store, lets move on to what the parking lot has to offer.

I unload my groceries from the cart to the car then see if I leave the cart here, we might hit it with the car. Looking over, I see that metal cart return like six parking spaces away.

Slacker mode: On

Fuck it, thats to far.

This things has wheels, the parking lot is slopped in that direction, its so big I can't miss it. What can go wrong?

Yep, laugh now, I actually thought that.

So I give the thing a hard push and watch it sail across the parking lot, heading straight for that metal cart return...er...thingy.

Really, what the hell do you call one of those things anyways?

You know there is some fancy offical name for it that no one knows.

So I stand there watching the progress of the cart....admiring it a bit like a golfer watching his ball sail right for the cup.

Then it starts slowly.curving.to.the.right.

Curving just enough that it will miss that cartaphlamoter(?) and hit the truck parked right next to it.

damn.

I stand there cringing, just waiting to hear it bang off the truck, to much of a lazy shit to run after and stop it from hiting the truck.

BANG!

It bumps right into....the rear tire.

phew. thank god it was only the tire I slammed it into.

So I get in the car and as we are backing up the car, I can see someone grabbing that cart and walking right towards us.

Uh oh.......I think thats the guy who owns the truck.

DAMN!

So, feeling like a complete jack ass, I roll down the window.

Disgruntled truck owner: Why would you do such a thing!?

In a voice that sounded amazingly like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons. The guy even had a thick mustache. How fucked up is that.

ME: I'm really really sorry about that. I so didn't intend for that to happen. I could swear it was going to hit that cart returner instead. I'm truelly sorry.

Disgruntled Ned Flanders sound a like truck owner: Thats just.....bologna. You did that on purpose.

I kid you not, he actually said that.

ME: Um....no really, I didn't intended to do that. By time I realized the cart had veered enough to hit your truck, it was to late. I'm very sorry about this, but luckily it did only hit your back tire.

Disgruntled Ned Flanders sound a like sandwhich meat blasphemer truck owner: *looking very perturbed* Well...this is just bologna...I'm just gonna give your number to the service desk and you'll hear about this.

ME: Well alrighty then, you didly do that good neighbor. Goodbye!

The funny part about this is I was in a car with Florida licence plates on it.

So he is going to complain to some poor employee about someone slamming a cart into there rear tire. There going to act concerned and take the licence plate number down to apease there disgruntled customer. They'll look and see its a out of state licence plate and as soon as he is gone, right in the trash all that info goes.

I felt pretty bad about doing that.......tell the Ned Flanders sounding guy actually accused me of doing it on purpose. Then, eh, not so much now.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003