I bet you are wondering why I haven't posted in several days.

You haven't?

Tough, I'm telling you anyways.

After the events of the last four days, karma speaking I must have been Hitler, Stalon, and the father's of all the Backstreet boys in past lives.

Its the only explaination I have of the total reaming I've been recieving minus lube and a gentle touch.

Alright lets start this off by telling you I've been having a problem with my Windows 95 OS for several months now. After exploring the net for awhile, I found out its a common acurance in Windows 95. A line in the coding gets messed up and makes it impossible to run scan disk, back up, and defragmentation. A problem that it seems every site I found who mentioned it couldn't figure out how to fix it.

I haven't been able to do any of these things for many months now and its resulted in gradually slowing down my computer and causeing more and more problems.

The thing is I had no way to back up all my important files, all of them where to big for floppy disks and I have no CD burner. Not to mention I have a few programs I don't have disk so if my hard drive got reformated I'd just kiss those programs goodbye. One of them being the program I do all my graphic works on.

So I've been putting it off tell I find a way to back up all my important shit so I can put it back on the comp when I was done.

Last week I finally found something I can put it on and feel safe I won't lose it all. Which was good because a couple days later I ended up getting a worm-virus on my comp.

You see I recieved a message from my old friend Coco with a file attatched to it. Since I've known him since high school and we are really good friends, I figured I was safe to download it.

Well it turns out he didn't send me the "file". He was down stairs away from his computer eating dinner when it happened.

It seems when he was busy doing that, the virus on his comp messaged everyone on his buddy list. Me being one of those people.

A few minutes after I open the file I get a message from him saying, "DON'T OPEN THAT FILE!!!"

uh oh....

A virus scan and an hour later, yep, I got me a virus and my detector can't clean it up.

So I'm forced to dump all the files it has latched onto. Thankfuly none of them where key files I needed. That seemed to clear my computer up of the virus, but the damage was already done it seems.

So about mid-day Wensday I've gotten all my key files and programs either on floppy or on the private FTP site I'm using.

I'm ready to reformat and start over.

So I spend a quite bit of time going through Windows 95 reformat, knowing I'll lose all my files on the comp, but at this point not caring anymore.

This is sort of like a 21st century geeks answer to catholicism's Lent. Only there is no fourty days and fourty nights of absolution. Its more like "get ye hard drive reformated. Clense that blasphemous disk space of all its errors and lucious naked ladies in pornorific positions."

Finally I'm done reformating my hard drive, I'm rebooting and loading it all up and.....

um, nothing is missing. Isn't it suppose to wipe my hard drive clean?

My settings are all the same, all my files are there, nothing is different.

I start wondering what the hell I had been doing for the past hour. Things did seem be running a bit smoother then before, but I could be just imaging it. So I try running a scan disk to see if I can find any errors on my hard drive.

Ten tries later, the damn thing can't seem to keep running. Keeps stopping and restarting cause something is always rewriting to my hard drive.

I know this isn't because of the virus cause it would tell me that same thing every time I ran the scan disk after that one error showed up months ago.

Ok, something is seriously wrong here. So I try running scan disk from my Windows 95 floppy disk.

Thats a no go good buddy, we got many problems here to fix. So I decide to reboot and well lookey here, not I can't even get Windows to load anymore.

So back to trying to reformat my hard drive again. Nope, not working, the disk says there are so many errors on my C drive that its to corrupt to reformat.

Now I'm above my head here, beyond my capabilities to fix the computer. Its to late to take it into the shop and get someone with half a brain to fix it.

To distract me from my woes, I decided to hit the video store and fill my night with new releases.

Got to tell you, if you love sick and twisted comedy. Then rent National Lampoon's Van Wilder and watch the uncensored version. There is a scene in there so nasty that Spanky nearly blew chuncks several times watching it. Two thumbs up and a barf bucket for that one.

So early, for me anyway, Thursday morning I unhook my computer and bring it to the shop. I recieved a mix look of sorrow and pained rembermace from the uber geeks at the computer store.

"Dude, I swear I saw that exact computer on a 50's sci fi movie."

That pretty much sums up the look.

I explain to him the best I could the problems I'm having and what I want done while mainting a Frankenstein's monster impersonation.

Computer bad! Make go!

I figure I know very very little about computers, hardware being my weakest point. The bigger the idiot I come across at first meeting them, the better I'll look when I can actually through out some technical jargen. I figured its a much better plan then walking in there and acting like I know everything to people who know enough to know I'm full of shit.

Its sort of like watching a MENSA member explaining to you the fine points of WWE Wrestling versus your pet dog explaining to you the dinamics of quantum physics.

By far, the dog thing is a hell of a lot more impressive.

So he nods his head, informs me it will be twenty bucks to fix it and another five bucks to install my drivers.

Ok, not a problem.

Uber Computer Geek: You'll have your computer back on Monday.

ME: Um.....did you say Monday?

This was a true testament of how dependent I've become to having 24/7 internet connection in my apartment.

I came within a hair's edge of leeping at his feet and weeping like a seven year old child after they fall, skin there knee, and drop there ice cream cone after three licks.

I managed to muster just enough will power to keep from weeping openly. Though I think the slober and the classic man's trick "I think I got something in my eye..god damn dust!" didn't fool him.

He reasured me in a soft tone of voice, gently patting my head, he would do the best he could and by the sounds of it things should be done sooner then Monday. Giving me a sense of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. IE giving me less time to think about how patheticly sad my life is that my computer breaking down on me could be such a tragic event.

Something tells me this isn't the first time he has had to do this with a customer.

Around two o'clock the next day I started getting real antsy and wanted to find out the progress of my computer. So I give them a call in hopes of convincing them I need my computer before the weekend started.

Top secret govermental program that deals with national security?

ok...would you believe someone's life depends on it?

Alright fine, so I'm addicted to online status and I'm missing me some good diary land lovin.

Turns out no convincing was needed. The computer was done and ready for pick up at that moment.

Ya!

*Deep, synical laughter is heard from somewhere in the background.*

Where the fuck did that come from?? That can't be good.

As soon as I can get properly cleaned up, dressed, and on a bus I'm over there ready to pick up my baby.

As they where typing my information into the computer and taking my money. I had them reasure me that not only was my computer reformated, but all my drivers where installed and ready to go.

I should have known that was code for, "it will all look perfectly normal when you first open it, but if you dig around at all you'll find we did a shitty job."

It seems that the drivers for my monitor, display, sound card, and modem where all wrong and not working right. Not only that, but they managed to fuck up my hard drive in some fucked up way. Being only a 2GIG hard drive in the first place, I don't have much room to work with. After sending my computer to them, some how its now a 501MB hard drive.

SWEET JESUS!!! What the hell did they do to you in there!!!

Of course by time I realize all this is after I finally get back with the comp, spend a couple hours detangling all the cords and hooking them back up, and do some cleaning.

By time I realize my "fixed" computer had all these problems, the shop was already closed.

alright it is late and I'm tired as hell. This saga will have to continue tomorow night where you'll see that this bad situation can go to worse.

Oh, and on final note, the saga of shit just pilling up on me has not ended. This is the second time I've had to type this. Thanks to a web page being opened via taking over my diary land entry page I lost all of my work from earlier.

I'm sure by the end of this saga, you will end up agreeing with me that karma wise I've earned myself being in an orgy and me being the only man there.

Or something of that nature...

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003