I actually have sound now that I found the drivers online. My modem crashed when I installed them, but I reinstalled it again and as you can tell its working again. I'm just REALLY nervous about shutting down my computer...ever.

Its not good to have a little panick attack everytime I'm waiting for my computer to boot up.

Well I'm currently half a month away from turning twenty seven years old.

Jesus, where the hell did the last nine years go?

I remember as if it happened just yesterday, being eighteen years old and on the verge of graduating from high school aka "the unholy pit of hell".

I use the term graduating losely when in reality it was actually me surviving high school.

I remember that year quite fondly actually. I was seeing an end to the torture that was my life in school. Not that I didn't like school or learning itself. Really it was the need for other people to be there that bothered me the most.

About half way through that year I seemed to develope a "I could give a flying rats ass what you believe" kind of additude. I could see the end of the tunnel, the light at the opening. I was on the verge of escaping the hell I thought would never end and giving them the obligatory double bird while I was doing it.

The summer before my Senior year I started to let my hair just grow. I had tried this a couple times before hand, but each time it got near my shoulders it would curl up into my face and annoy the shit of me. So I kept cutting it short, especially when I was taking Tae Kwon Do classes for two years. Nothing got on my nerves quiver then accidently inhaling my sweet soaked hair or getting it in my eyes while going through my forms.

Finally I said fuck it, I want longer hair. I'm just gonna have to ride out the akward stage of "long enough to get in my face, but not long enough to put in a pony tail".

I also had picked up a jean jacket with this soft brown leather color that I came to love so much. I literaly wore that jacket tell it was nearly just threads losely connected. The last year or so there was so many rips in each of the sleeves that it was like going through a maze to put it on. If I wasn't carefull half my arm would be sticking out of the sleeve.

Before the year started I got to work on that jean jacket and wrote all sorts of things all over the back of it. I had this thing for serialistic like mazes so I covered practically the entire back pannel of it in that with the ocassional eye thrown in the maze. Just something about eyes have always facinated me.

Add on some Jack Handy poetry which turned out to be a big hit. You don't know how many people stopped me and had me stand there so they could read the poetry on my jacket. Add on a testement to a band that was all consuming musically for me at the time, Ministry. Along with one of there songs "Faith Collapsing" which to me was a statement I was trying to make, but I don't think it every came across.

It was classic teenage rebelion. A school system that turned its back to me and my problems with students and the facuilty. Only really paying attention to me anytime I was "trouble". Which was more often then I really think I deserved back then.

Every year before then I struggled to make it through school, to make it through society in general. I felt the world was against me, but what teenager didn't feel like that.

So Senior year was when I finally came out of my shell. That or just didn't give a fuck anymore. Its to close to call.

Its amazing how people treat you differently when you adopt a "fuck off I'm busy trying to live" kind of additude.

As an example a popular hang out for lower grade students during school was a place called smoker's corner. In reality it wasn't actually the corner, that was twenty feet away from where everyone was hanging out. It was located outside the south doors on the sidewalk next to the road.

Some wise ass and qute ingenuitive student figured out one day that property twenty feet from the center of the road on either side is offically city property. Because of this the facuilty couldn't enforce school policy of no smoking on campus since offically it wasn't on campus. At best they could call the cops and have them come around to check for any under age smoking or any other illegal activities.

The last half of my Senior year I began migrating my way out to "smoker's corner" even though I had not started smoking tell several years later. What few "friends" I had I could find them there during lunch breaks and between classes.

Whenever I was out there the feeling of freedom would overwhelm me. I could see the end of ever coming there again within my grasps. I had made it through and survived all the shit, several threats of expultion from school, and a few teachers who seemed to dislike me with a passion.

It felt good, it felt damn good. And I let everyone know how god damn good I felt. Which to me at the time I had never felt so good in my entire life.

Add on the strange popularity of my jacket, my new additude, and a overwhelming excitment to be finally out of there. Because of this I had what was the most satisfying moment in my high school career.

When I was a sophmore a friend of mine, a Senior at that time, was currently dating this freshmen. I had never met her, so I didn't know who she was.

Sometime during that I had encountered her while talking with another friend of mine who was also a freshmen. While we where talking her and a friend of her's walked past of us and my friend starting going off on her, being rude as hell, being a general ass of himself. Politely I looked to her and said, "I'm apologize for my friend's antics, he is just a bit strange like that."

Her response to me is "Ew, don't talk to me."

Ok, what the fuck?

Later that day I find out my Senior friend is dating her. Well isn't that just a small and extremely fucked up world.

A few days later same situation arises. Its me and my freshmen friend standing in the hall, goofing off during lunch break. Once again her and her friend come walking up to her locker while giving me strange looks. So I decided to drop the boom on her and let her know I was good friends with the guy she was currently dating. As memory serves me, this is what happened...

ME: You know I've known him for about eight years now, been close friends for quite awhile now.

Her friend: Oh my god! He's friends with him?!? Maybe you should dump him then.

Her: Yeah, I probably should.

I hear this and it takes every ounce of my will power to not go off on both of them. Well that and at the point I had gotten in three fights in less then a month and threated with expultion if they had any more troubles with me.

So flash back again to when I was a Senior and at smoker's corner. I was being what came to be the regular goofy me of today. And she was there with her new boyfriend. I seemed be getting pretty popular at smoker's corner that last year so pretty much everyone there ended up talking to me.

Here comes that moment of satisfaction I mentioned earlier.

She comes up to me and asks me about my jacket talking about how cool it is. I barely even look at her as if I'm so engrossed in a conversation and say, "thanks" then turn my back to her for the rest of the conversation.

Yeah very petty and childish of me, but oh man did it ever feel good.

Alright enough with a walk down nostalga road aka "who gives a fuck, give me some chuckles slap nuts".

Have a good one folks.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003