Thursday, Dec. 06, 2001 - 10:15 A.M.
I promis my incompetent little server, I won't kill you, I'll only maime you...maybe take an eye or a ear for a trophy.
"Battalions of riot police with rubber bullet kisses, baton curtesy, service with a smile."System of a Down, Deer Dancer Well fuck me in the goat ass, god damn internet connection problems again. I couldn't get on at all last night, but at least the problems are becoming more creative and not so tedious in its uniformed suckness. Seems I kept getting bumped off the sever everytime it tried confirming my user name and password. Well how special, my internet service is playing practical jokes on me, how nice of them to fuck with me so often. And, of course, my internet provider doesn't have 24 hour tech support, must call within regulated business hours. AAANNNNNNNDDDDD the help desk is a 800 number to a answering machine for you to leave your name, number, and what neurosis you developed while trying to get this fucking thing to work in the first place. We are busy right now surfing for Britney Spears porn, playing the new Quake rip off, and developing technological advancments in spit ball throwing toys. Leave a message and will get back to you at our own good time fuckwads....beep! Oh, for fuckes sake... Ok, according to them I dont' have a internet connection problem and that everything is just fine. Well, you caught me, I dream up these extravagant problems with my internet connection just so I can call you to tell me nothing is wrong.....I'm so lonely....please..have mercy on my soul. Ignorant monkey spankers. I even know a guy who used to work there, ran a big section of the business. You think he would be helpufull... HELL NO!!! Quit being so optimistic....its pissing me off. I'd tell him what problems I was having with my internet connection, his job, and no matter what, gotta be something wrong with my computer, not them. Oh no, do not let me shatter the dilusion you harbor for your feeble internet company, keep on thinking its all perfect and runs well. I'll just sit back and laugh my balls off when your tech support answering machine is filled with complaints from pissed of clients. I have thought of changing service, only to explore around and find I can get the same piece of shit connection for unlimited hours at twice the price. Oh joy oh joy....here, let me hand over more money JUST to have the same problems there as I would with this service, only my .com changes. No spank you slappy, I'll stick with shit I know and am building a imunity to over falling head long in the porta potty that is your service. Cause, when you are forced to eat shit sandwhiches, its best to go with what you know so you don't have to deal with new problems like undigested corn or green streaks running through it. Give me my plain shit sanwhich with a side order of agravation please. Though, ChrisB. put things in prespective for me in my guestbook, with a nice Kevin Smith twist at the end of it. I know you have been internet free for what mounts to be a eternity for online life, but dude....this shit is PISSINGMEOFFGODDAMNIT!! I swear, one more dial up problem, busy signal, or user name/password ID problem and I'm finding me the biggest trout I can find, marching over to there offices and repeatly beat them over the head with a half dead fish!! Question...would I be arrested for agravated assault or abuse of animal rights in this situation? Eh....fuck it. I'll blame it on temporary insanity or tell them "if the fish don't fit you must aquit!"
Well, spent four hours in the doctor's office yesterday.
Yep, you heard it right, four fucking hours there. Went in and it was a nice, bright late afternoon, left the place in pitch darkness.
Oh, the story doesn't end there cochese....then...I might not have something to bitch about then.
To start off this day, I felt like shit....dizzy, nauseous, weak, fevorish, shit spewing from both ends of me kind of bad.
Which, mind you, was not the reason I was going to the doctors in the first place, I was having my back checked out and get some possible x-rays done.
So while waiting for my bus to pick me up and take me to the clinic, I decided to sit in my stair well and watch for it through the screen door. I found standing on the side walk swaying back and forth while groaning, projectile vomiting, then collapsing to the ground in a convulsive fits to be a bit to disturbing for the early morning down town crowd, so I avoided that whole scene by staying in the stair well.
Well, my mind is working properly at this time....and really, when does it. So when I bend over to sit down on the stairwell, I bounce my noggin off the metal box for the light switch.
OUCH...sumabitch...
*rubbing furiously at the bump forming on my head*
thats going to leave a mark.
So I wake up from that self induced comma and the first thing I do is check to see if anyone saw this moment of idiocy on my part.
Nope...free and clear...of course, me admiting this on here just means many more people who wouldn't have even witnessed it in the first place are privy to my dumb ass moments.
D'OH
So I get there and fill out a bunch of paper work only to have to sit in the waiting room for three hours tell the docotr can see me. I watched people come in after me and see the doctor before me, which was making me flip out inside while desperately holding a facade of "ppppffffttttt no biggy, I got time" on the outside.
Cause, I'm freaking out big time inside, but its never good to piss of the people who could decide my medical fate.
So the only means to entertain myself is to read outdated celebrity rag magazines or watch CNN.
Well, CNN isn't so bad, I need to catch up on some news.
I caught up on to all that was new in the news, then, I got to watch them redo the same four news articles over and over again. It was like being in a lame version of the Twilight Zone on a feedback loop.
So when they finally call my name, I had to sit there and register it for a second.....I was starting to think it would never happen and I'd be sitting in waiting room limbo for the rest of my life.
FELLOW WAITING ROOM IDIOT: Jesus, this is a long wait! HOw long you been waiting to get in?
ME: I don't know, what year is it again?
So they finally take me in a back room, check my eyes, height, weight, and have me piss in a plastic cup.
Might I say, this has been the easiest time I ever had pissing in a cup since there only bathroom for the people in the waiting room was locked, I had to hold it tell then...all two of the three hours I waited.
Finally I see an actual breathing doctor, though you could have fooled me with the breathing part. This doctor was so old, I was afraid half way through the exam, I would be forced to use CPR on him to keep him alive.
Thankfully he didn't crook during the exam cause I don't think I would be able to show my face there again if one of the nurses found me bend over in a lip lock with that old bastard with my ass sticking out of the back of that flimsy fucking gown.
By time I'm done with the apointment, I have to go grocery shopping cause I aint got shit to eat. Though if I did have shit to eat, I would have plenty of condements to slather all over it.
Well, thanks to waiting room limbo, the bus service closes a hour after I leave the office.
Lets see, the clinic is a mile and half east of my place, and the store I'm hitting is another mile further east. So thats two and a half miles with roughly a dozen fully packed grocery bags.....nope, I aint walking that far with all that shit.
SO I hit the store and power shop, leaving out a few things to pick up another day since I realized my grocery cart was steadily getting full and I would have to get all of that shit up my stares in one trip.
I get my shopping done tute sweet, buy and pack the groceries and have plenty of time to spare for the bus. I finally get it all home and what happens at the bottom of the stairs, two of my bags rip open and spill out its contents on the steps.
sumabitch...
Ok, after growing a few extra arms, Harry Houdini a few items, huff and puff my way up the stairs while mumbling a mantra of, "please don't let anything else drop..please don't let anything else drop."
With all this agravation, its hard to believe I haven't gone christmas shopping yet.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!!
Oh, shoot me now.....
  
It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003
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