Misfits

So, as youmay have noticed I have been a little lax in keeping up with entries as of late.

Lack of inspiration, concentration, desire, and all around been distracted on the going ons in my life.

I tried to keep you all who actually venture through my tons of bullshit on this page, entertained with Q&A of the truely lame which, might I add, had about as much response as if I wrote about stranged colored discharges from my ass...only sad thing is I think I might get more response if I DID wrote about the strangeness of a particular bowl movement.

Holy shit, thats so green it glows in the dark!

but anyways...

Lately I have been trying to hide from the world, but to many god damn mother fuckers know my phone number.

Seriously, to many mother fuckers have been calling my place it makes me nostalgic for the days I only got phone calls from Miss Cleo. At least then I can fuck with her or just hang up on her ass and I'm done. If I know the person I all of sudden feel the need to be polite and not repeaditly bang my phone off the floor just to make a point...STOP FUCKING CALLING HERE! So, I end up talking to people with about as much verbal skills as a chimp on prozac.

They will call me and then act as if there asking "so, what do you want?", as if I called them. Hey, asshole, you called me remember.....you have smoked yourself stupid I swear.

I'm not talking about my close friends who call me, its more like friends of friends looking for that friend at my place. And no matter what, the conversations all seem to go the same way.

DUMBASS CALLER: Hey, is so and so there?

ME: Nope.

DUMBASS CALLER: Really?

ME: Ah, you caught me. He is really right here, I'm must fucking with you by saying no.

DUMBASS CALLER: Really?

ME: Nah, I'm just fucking with yeah....he's dead, got ran over by a milk truck. White shit everywhere, the irony of his death is that he was lactous intolerant.

DUMBASS CALLER: Do you know where he is?

ME: Do I look like his wife? I know I look stunning in a evening dress but come on.

DUMBASS CALLER: Do you know when he will be around?

ME: Let me check my crystal ball......hhhhmmmmmm it says...try again later. Fuck that...don't try back later...I told you he is dead...so fuck off ok!

*click*

I've grown to despise these people with a passion of a 100 postal workers. I've grown so intolerant of the whole situation I have thus labeled these assholes the retard nation.

Yeah I know, its cruel....I'm sorry for bunching all the mentally handicapped with these people, its not like they don't have enough problems.

I try fucking with there heads to get some form of entertainment from these phone calls, but its about as much fun as sticking my dick on a blender and hitting the puree' button. Mildy amusing at first, but overall a very painfull situation.

And I used to be such a nice guy.

I blame all the idiots of the world for making me so bitter and resentfull. Damn you idiots, damn you all to hell!

Its days like this that make me want to put a sign up on my door that says, "if your not expected then you are not invited so fuck off ok!" Maybe throw a few bear traps out there, set a bungee pit in the hall, put a trap door on the stairs, stick a few jehova's witnesses behind strategically placed black curtains so they can pop out and ambush them before they reach my door.

Have you found jehova today!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!

Ok, I can't be that cruel....thats just evil...evil I'm telling you, evil to the core.

Well, how about this for a bit of pure irony to make you laugh tell you piss yourselfs.

I have had arguments with this guy I know, I tell him he is a alcholic and he gives me the usual bullshit about how he can quit anytime he wants to and he doesn't have to drink so much he just choses to get so plastared.

Ok, lets run down the evidence of proof WHY he is a alcholic.

Well, ok, other the fact of HOW much you have a tendacy to drink and to brag how much you drank in a said period of time.

Ok....next

Well, have gotten violently drunk and beaten the piss out of several people, many inanimate objects, a forest worth of trees, and few times with yourself.

Ok, not enough yet....how about this.

You have had many incidents of blacking out while drinking. The worst case of this is the night you walked home, took your shoes and jacket off and crashed into bed only to find out the next morning you walked into someone else's house, jumped in there bed while they where sleeping in the bed you passed out in.

Seriously, he did this, didn't even know it tell the next morning when the husband started yelling at him and chased him out of the house with out his shoes or jacket. Of course to me the biggest hint to him should have been the couple in the bed and the fact he doesn't even own a bed to sleep in, but aparently the clues weren't big enough for him.

Now here is the big one...listen closely, cause I'm only going to say this once.

You have so many M.I.P.'s that your licence has been suspeneded even before you own one!! Which has resulted in court apointed AA meetings that either he attends or goes to jail.

Now HERE is where the irony lies.

So I'm sitting around my apartment with this friend, watching Dogma, when another friend of his shows up. His friend asks him if he wants to go drinking tonight.

Nope, can't do it, I got one of those AA meetins tomorow and they piss test me.

Can you all say aaaawwwwwww poor baby boys and girls?

I know you could.

Now here it is folks, the piece of irony that brighten up my day and put a smile on my lips.

"What time is your meeting tomorow?"

"1 in the afternoon."

"You think you can come drink with me after that?"

"Sure."

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

And you say you are not an alcholic when the first thing you do after an AA meeting is go out and drink.

I nearly laughed my balls off.

Yeah its cruel for me to laugh at him for this.....but I'm slowly weening him off drinking binges by humilation and constant badgering of how stupid he can get drunk.

Yep, doing my part tp better the world.

That and I'm sick of hearing stories that start off with "Ok, it all starts when I got completely trashed...."

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003