Jay, Dogma

Well I have had a preaty eventfull weekend... for a change.

Fucked up dreams, rockin my arse off to live music, time to contemplate the mortality of man, and watching half naked woman wrestle in jello then give me the "double dip with cool whip" special.

Ok...maybe the wrestling thing is a bit of a lie...

aaaaannnnnddddddddd maybe the closest I came to seeing a half naked woman this weekend was on skinemax.

Ok..so I have no clue what the "double dip with cool whip" is....probably cause I just know made it up...but it sounds preaty cool doesn't it. Sounds like something you will need a cigarette, a shower, and a nap afterwards.

BUT

The rest of it is true.

no, really, its true...

I'm not fucking with you on this one...would I fuck with you??

Well, ok, maybe I WOULD fuck with you...but not this time.

Stop looking at me like that....jeez..you act like no one has fucked with you before.

Oh damn..stop crying....damn it...I'm sorry..stop crying..really I'm sorry.....really.......no I'm fucking with you, I'm not sorry.

heh heh.

Anyways, on with the show.

Friday night I had a horrible nights sleep, all because of one dream. What dream you ask...

haha you have fallen into my trap my dubious friend...now you are forced to hear my strange but yet disturbing dreams once again. I have fooled you with intricate planning, devious mental manipulation, and the power to use chop sticks with out spearing the pork.

MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

*cough* ahem..sorry

So there I was, asleep in my bed, cause normally thats when I dream..when I sleep.

So in the dream its me and two close friends of mine hanging out in my apartment.

I know, a real stretch of the imagination, but try and keep up.

So, as I'm sitting there it dawns on me I have to get my laundry down stairs and pack it up in the car so I can go to the laundromat later. I get one of my friends to help me carry down the baskets downstairs to this van on the street that I apparently bored from someone, though who I wouldn't know since I don't know anyone with a van.

As we are packing the van up with baskets of clothing, I happen to look up in the sky and look at the sun. Thats when I realize from the outer edge working in, the sun was turning this dull black, and the black area was growing bigger tell it fully enveloped the sun.

I don't know how I knew, but as I was looking at this black sun, I knew that it had become a dead star.

Thats when I knew we where fucked...oh shit, no more sun. This planet is going to become a ball of ice floating deeper and deeper into space.

So me and my friend run up the stairs to tell our other friend whats going on, but its advious that he already knows since he is sitting in a chair with a wild, scared look in his face while tearing his hair out. So we are all standing there *sitting for my friend* panicking, trying desperately to figure out what to do.

First thing that comes to my mind, I got to find some guns, I need guns. The shit is going to go down and people are going to get all freaky and we are going to need to protect ourselves.

I probably make all the pacifists that read my diary cringe with that, my first thoughts of survival is finding instruments of death. Then again, with my incoherent ranting and raving on this page, I'm guessing peace loving hippies wouldn't be to much into this page, so fuck it..on with the show.

So, me and my friend once again go running back down stairs to grab our shit off the side of the street. I get downstairs and its snowing outside, and not a single person on the streets even seemed like they where effected by the death of the sun. From people walking down the side walks, to people in the stores, to people driving in there cars, not a single one of them seem to be effected by the loss of our sun.

So, as I'm standing there with my arms loaded down with stuff I don't even remember taking downstairs, this mini van comes slowly rolling down the streets towards me. The right side doors where all open, and inside was a small family, husband, wife, two kids and a dog. The mother/wife leaned out of the mini van and says to me.

"My its awfully bright for 2:07 AM isn't it?"

Yeah it is kind of bright for that late at night. It was bright enough to be mid afternoon, which adviously is strange at so late at night. And, well, we didn't have a sun anymore so that would make it down right impossible.

Thats when I notice off to my left that there is a new sun in the sky. To my right is the small black orb that is the old sun, and to the left is a HUGE ass sun. The thing was roughly the size of a sports arena in the sky.

Of course there are some other oddities around too. Across the street is this fair sized forest. Which normally there is a stores, some houses, then the harbor there. Then again, in my dream my apartment was all wrong also. Was a lot larger then normal, looked different, and length wise it ran in a different direction then normal. Leave it to my mind to conjure up sharp details of the rest of the street and even go into such detail to have it actually snowing after the sun went dead, a sign the planet was already growing cold.

anyways...

As I'm watching this freakin HUGE ass sun, and the forest across the street. I notice that the heat from this new sun is setting fire to the tops of the trees. They would just burst into flames, some of the trees would go out, but otheres would stay aflame. Then, the next disturbing part of it happened. As the trees where bursting into flames, a line of flame came shooting across the street along the ground in a straight line, catching the pedestrians in the streets in the flame. Several of these flaming lines shot out of the forest and the way it moved, it was almost like it was seeking out people to burst into flame because each new flame would strike a new group of people.

Then, one of the flames start coming for me and my friend. We both turn to run up the stairs in hopes of running away rather then blindly being caught in the jet of flame like everyone else. My friend out runs and leaves me eating his dust and left to fend for myself if the flame catches me.

Rat bastard...

So I elude the flame and get back upstairs to my apartment and baracade the door cause as you know, a large wooden baracade works wonders to stop flames.

Looking around I see my friend still sitting in the chair ripping his hair out in panick, but the friend how left me down stairs to die Joan of Arc style was no where to be seen.

Ha...thats what you get for leaving me back there.....rat bastard..heh

After that, the dream gets to fuzzy to remember the rest of it, but the apocolyptic edge to my dream made for a restless night of sleep.

Saturday night my best friend Spany and his band, what he always reffered to o as his classic rock band, even though there lerning more and more new tunes from today and from not to long ago, and not doing nearly as much classic rock as they used to. Now they finally have a name, Stone Hog, which is unsual yes, especially since the only member in the band I know smokes at all is Spanky, but what works for them.

A few weeks back, after a rehersel and them recording a CD of there work so they can hand them out to bars around here to try and book them for gigs, they decided to hit a few bars to see if they would let them jump up on stage and play a few songs. One of the places they did this at is a bar called Gasoline Alley, which in my opinion is the best bar in town especially now that they bought the building next to them and expanded there business.

They get the owner to agree, and after a few songs the audience goes nuts and the owner asks them to play a gig *the one that happened this saturday*. On top of that, the owner of another bar booked them for a gig on the 29th of this month also. Why they where at that bar when they own another I have no clue, but it works out good for my friend.

Now not only does this bar kick ass, but its only a block and half away from my apartment. Oh yeah baby, gotta love that convience especially if I drink anything, which I did. I couldn't argue free beer, when you are given free beer at a bar gig you just drink the beer and shut the fuck up cause opurtunities like that don't always pop up.

Well, ok it happens to me more often then some people since my best friend is in the band and he hooks me up with drinks that the bar gives him for free. This bar was a bit different though because the owner has a fridge in the basement of the bar, and the deal was he was going to stock it full of six packs of beer and thats what the band members can drink, but other drinks from the bar cost them money. Thats cool cause then he can attack that fridge anytime he wants to and grab as much as he wants to, which he did. By the end of the night the fridge was cleaned out and the only member of the band who even drank that night was Spanky. Of course he was feeding me and his girlfriend and several other friends beer all night, but the owner doesn't need to know about that now does he.

To start off the night, the opening band which for the life of me I cann't remember the name of the band. I did recognize the bass player from back when I was in high school, but once again a name eludes me. So there I am with friends waiting for them to play, once again I make a big mistake of sitting about five feet away from the amps just so I'm close enough to the band that I can watch them without assholes getting in the way all the time.

Then.....hell breaks lose as the opening band rips into there music.

My god! There is a thrash metal band in my freakin town! They where abuse, fast, hard and freakin loud as hell. I mean REAL fucking loud. Make my rib cage vibrate, turn all my inner organs into jelly, my brains leeking out my ears, my bowels losening while I piss myself kind of loud.

Ok not quite that loud but damn...close enough.

I could feel my inner organs and my rib caging vibrating to the beat of the music, I could even feel it in the floor. I looked around and saw a lot of older faces with complete shock on there face and I just had to laugh. There is just something about loud and abuse music that puts a smile on my face. It was real good and rocked my ass out, but the vocals where just about impossible to understand since he was preaty much growling all the songs and the instruments where so loud you could barely hear him. Unfortunetly they only played two songs and where off stage quick so they can make way for Stone Hog.

Now Stone Hog did play some classic rock tunes, and some songs I could live without, but they still rocked out on even shit I didn't like and kicked my ass with the shit they did play. The heaviest song they played was Metallica's Enter Sandman which I'm telling you is not properly experienced tell you see a live band playing it while cranking it up tell your ears bleed.

Did I mention I sat with my right side to the band and my right ear is still ringing slightly from all that loud music..oh yeah..good times baby.

My god, when they played Enter Sandman, the audience went fucking nuts. It was so popular they played it again later that night and the audience went even more nuts, crowded the dance floor and went buck wild. I have never seen an audience go so wild for the music anyother time before in there past gigs.

Well ok, thats not completely true since it will be hard to top there packed house on Halloween night a few years back ago in the only dance club in town. The place can only hold a few hundred people, and that night was so popular that they had somwhere around eight hundred people come there that night. And judging by how the dance floor was packed all the time, thats not a hard figure to believe.

Now the complications with playing bar gigs has to be the drunken idiots you can get. Lucky for them they didn't get any violent drunk idiots, but they did get the goofy ass, wierd as hell, makes you laugh watching them drunks.

There was one guy in particular that stood right in front of the band for two hours of the night. He was adviously drunk by how he was swaying back and forth and had that vacant look in his eyes. Though he could always have that vacant look in his eyes and I wouldn't know, but I'm assuming this guy isnn't always like this judging by how well dressed and groomed he is. Then again, a well groomed and dressed dumb ass is still a dumb ass no matter how much you try and dress it up.

He would stand on either side of the stage in front of the amps, then would stagger up to right in front of the monitors in front of the band, point to one of the members of the band and just yell incoherently. He did this during every song for that two hours. Now the funny thing is, he didn't do that once at the end of songs like everyone else did. Instead he would just smile and wait tell the audience calmed down then yell at the band..

"BRING IT ON!"

He kept yelling this every time, bring it on. It was annoying as hell but at the same time, the spectucal was to hilarous to ignore. His idea of rocking out to the music was raising his fist in the air and waving it around while every once and awhile stomping his foot on the ground as hard as he could. It was so idiotic that I couldn't stop laughing when I saw him. I wasn't alone in this as several other people at my table caught this little one man drunken show and where laughing there heads off. About the only thing that actually pissed me off at what he did was when the lead singer was trying to talk to the audience and the guy walked right up in front of the monitor in front of him and flipped off the entire band, constanstly waving them back and forth just in case the missed it the first few hunred tiems he pointed it at them. Now normally I would find this to be preaty fucking funny, but thats my friends up there buddy, so lay off before I show yeah what my shoe tastes like covered in shit after I shove my foot so far up in your ass my shoe laces will be ticking your tonsils.

So all in all it went very good, and after the gig was done the owner asked them to come back again next month.

I was watching CNN the other day...you know, just so I am not always rotting my brains out with mindless dribble.

I saw a little report about Strom Thurmon having a birthday recently. You know how old this man is?

101 fucking years old and he is STILL on the Supreme court.

His comment during that day was...

"I love you men, but I love you ladies more"

Spry old geezer, nice to see our tax dollars paying for his viagra budget so he can keep up with Ted Kennedy and there favorite "fuck the intern up the ass then send her to get coffee" game.

He says he will retire at the end of his term....three years from now. Which will make him a 104 by time he actually settles down to retirment where he sits around his house in diapers and black knee high socks with those little garters while eating apple sauce and watching the game show network.

Or whatever the fuck old people do with there spare time between suprised visits of the Grim Reaper at there front door.

Now, with him being that old, it got me to thinking about when he was born. At 101 that would mean he was born late 1900. The old fucker was one year shy of being alive in three different centuries. Instead he was born at the begining of one and is retiring from his career at the near begining of the next one.

Which inevitably got me thinking of all the things he has seen in the long span that is his life.

World War I and II, Korean War, Vietnam War, prohibition, a country without debt, then a great depression. Advancements in technology from movies with audio to television to comercial flights and then navy pilots trying to break the sound barrier. Being there when the first man flight went into space, to see the first man to walk on the moon. To witness great men like Martin Luther King Jr., FDR, Churchill. To witness great travesties in life from the assanation of JFK and Martin Luther King Jr., the bay of pigs, the first experiments with nuculear bombs, then the two we dropped on Japan.

I couldn't help but marvel at all this man has witnessed in his life time, not to mention the countless things I haven't thought about or the things I would know about that would have happened to him. To be there when so much I consider history before I existed, to be there and witness all of it for the last hundred years.

I then started thinking of all the things I would see if I reached that age. All the wonderous sights and amazing advancments in humanity and technology. To watch the world change so much I won't be able to recognize it from what it was like when I was a child.

How different will this world be? How far will we reach in technology? Well it be so advanced by that time that no one could have concevied it when I was born or it was only a theory that they thougth it would never happen? Well we finally cure world hunger, treat diseases that plague us today? Will we finally create cold fusion, will we finally populate other planets? Will we have destroyed this planet so badly that there is no recovery left in sight? Well we find life outside this planet? What will war look like then? Will it become so big that we finally destroy ourselves, wipe us off this planet as if we didn't exist at all?

Of course, deep down inside I'm hoping they have something better then adult diapers by that age. Some space aged ass vacum cause I plan on crapping my pants at a drop of a hat just to get my way or to scare off those crazy punks with there hover cars and there wacked out music and three dimesional holographic girlfriends.

God damn whiper snappers.....get me my god damn chocolate milk, turn on my afternoon shows and leave me alone.

Damn punks.....

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003