Mallrats

Tis the season to feel like crap

fa la la la blah!!!!

Its steadly been getting worse since Wensday, woke up to some sniffles and a bit of a clogged up nose.

No biggy, just little cold, probably go away in a day or two.

I probably should have gotten a hint when I heard evil laughter off in the distance after I said that.

So it gradually got worse, my nose became more plugged up by the passing day tell it was running faster then Jessy Owens after a three cocktails of speed, jolt cola, no-doz, and pixi stixs.

Then, the coughing started. The body jarring, eye watering, ass quivering, I think I just saw my left lung splatter against the far wall kind of coughing fits that just won't quit.

So here I am, all red nosed and severly stuffed up, feeling like shit. I'm dizzy, the coughing is giving me a headache, my lips AND my nose is chapped, and my lungs feel like they went on a vacation and left behind a squeeze bottle with holes all through it for processing my oxygen supply.

Oh joy oh joy, nothing puts me in the festival mood more then feeling like I'm about to die.

Judging how this is going, I'lll be even worse tomorow, by then the virus will have creeped down somewhere in my ass region,passing up my stomach on the way and jarring it preaty good.

So I'll be hacking up a lung as I spew indescrible crap from both ends of me.

They really should make a toilet bowl for moments like this. It would be a lot like a dentist's chair with the little sink at the side. Except the sink at the site will have a big drainage hole to get even the most stubborn of the chunks disapearing.

Nasty, I know, but imagine how happy people would be to be sitting in one of those bad boys while in there most vulnerable, sick state. No more need for a bucket at toilet side for those moments your body can't decide which end it wants to release the tiddle wave from.

And since I'm a smoker, I know this cough will be nagging me for a week or so, maybe even get a bit worse. It seems like its gotten worse since this afternoon. I'm judging this by the fact that I coughed up a McDonald's french fry from 1983 earlier.

How do I know it was from 1983 you may ask. I know cause a little piece of non-biodigradiable quarter pound with cheese styrofoam case was wrapped around the greasy fry.

Heh....ok, so that didn't really happen, but I'm dizzy and disorientated so being funny is as easy as......well breathing right now.

Which reminds me, I have been seriously contemplating quit smoking at the end of the year. What I have in cans of tobbacco and tubes now, I'm thinking I'm going to try and make them the last I have.

Of course I'm assuming this since the monkey on my back likes fucking with my head. Lets me live in that dillusional world of "I can quit anytime I want to", but the day I try he begins slapping me upside the head repeatedly tell I give in and smoke a ciggarette.

God damn monkey....

So, feeling like this should make for a shitty holiday if I don't begin to feel a bit better in like a day.

So feeling like shit while spending the day with my emotional distant brother and getting my ass kicked in Trivia Pursuit.

I just hope my taste buds come back in time. TO much good shit is planned to be prepared that day and I swear if I can't taste a bit of it I'm kicking my taste buds ass.

Yeah, I'm talking out my ass...I know.

But anyways,

Happy Holidays for all, and if you don't feel like shit like I do.....then I hate your guts and hope someone pisses all over your apple pie and drops a stinky load in your turkey.

Thats the virus talking.

BAD VIRUS!!

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003