On they fight, for they are right. Yes, but who's to say?"

Metallica, For Whom the Bell Tolls

I have to say that this entry of Anenigma's is a very refreshing point of view.

As I was reading it, it also reminded me how perceptions can be illusions.

I have percieved her for the mother she is, no matter how much they piss her off. The strange, but cool on and off again stoner. The dominatrex with a golden heart and sharp spiked heels.

The longer you get to know someone, the more you expect certain things from them. There personality traits you have seen so many times, the way they react to a situation, what there likes and dislikes are.

Its easy to forget the things they hold true to there heart but only show on a rare occasion. Its easy to forget the enlightment they could share with the world if only someone will listen to it.

Its easy to forget how deep someone can be by being blinded by the daily perceptions you have of a person.

Take Uncle Bob for an a example.

We all harbor the perceptions that each and every entry he rights will have a few chuckles here and there, some big laughs, sarcastic over dramatization of situations to pull the humor out of what comes down to an every day annoyance.

We come to expect this and love when he does, but when he goes deeper in his thoughts, pulls the words out of his heart and splays them before all of us to read, share, feel his burden. Somehow this is not as intersting to a good section of the common reader.

Why is that, because perceptions mean a level of comfort and familiarty, if you know what to expect then the little world you cling to is safe from shock and damage.

Where I personally find it to be the most intersting times of his entries.

Sure, I love his humor and on more then one occasion the man has actually made me laugh out loud. Said something I found to be very humorus, and sometimes he catches me off gaurd which makes it even more funny then it would normally be.

But when it comes to this, the diary land we are in, it is like being in a intmate relationship with that person. You know things deep inside of a person that someone with full contact of them there entire life may have and will never know. To have them expose there most deepest and/or darkest thoughts, things they think about but never say to person though wish desperately they would.

How many people on this site talk the talk but don't walk the walk? We know whats floating through there heads, what there thoughts are in there life situations, but how many of us in real life are the shy, quiet type. The occasional witty quip, or the casual "I'm ok" cliche we all say at some time when really we are thinking "No, I'm not ok, I got a lot of shit on my mind buddy and most of it I dare not and can not talk to you about, so I must figure it all out on my own, work it out, but in the end everything will be cool so don't worry about me, I'll be alright sometime."

Its like a relationship never experienced before in mankind, where we freely open up our hearts and souls to the faceless many and hope nobody reaches in and grabs a handfull in hopes of ripping it out. We freely talk about stuff here we choose not to say to our mothers, our fathers, our brothers and sisters, even to our lovers in life who we cherish so much in our hearts.

Anenigma has it completely correct, its like a form of therapy we all in one way or another desperately needed to do in order to let go of old pains and sorrows and move on to better days of happiness and long lasting love.

For many of us its like delving into a social life we always craved our entire life, but was to shy or embaressed with one thing or another to do it in real life. We all want to be the cool person at the party, the one the eyes are upon and people look up to for to lead to a new and interesting way of life. At the same time it can be our worst fear, that staying back in the shadows is better for then if we don't react with others, we won't come across as stupid or inane or lacking in a decent personality. So we stick in the shadows, the quiet ones in the room in hopes nothing will rock our little world.

Its safe like that, comforting, warm in a way.

But it comes down to that nothing worth doing in life was accomplished by sitting in the shadows complacently. No new inventions where created, no new enlighting way of thinking was percieved, no advancement in humanity was ever achieved by sitting back and watching but never doing.

Everything that was done for good or bad was done by people who took the risks of failure and kept on moving on.

You ever notice who is the life of the party?

The person with the funny anticdotes. Those who push themselves in the spot light and choose to perform for anyone, everyone.

Did they come naturally to this?

No, like all things in life it took practice and experience to learn how to be like that, which meant taking the risk of failing in the end and coming across nothing how you percieved we where.

See how this all comes back around like a vicious circle, perceptions breed complacency. Perceptions of self in body and mind.

How you will obsess over what your body looks like and oh god why can't my body look like that?!?

How you will worry that no one finds you funny, or when you think you are being inteligent and charming, but feel that you come across flat and dull.

Perceptions on how we should be not how we are and excepting it.

Nobody wants to be percieved in a negative light by those who we might respect there opinion for one reason or another. Nobody wants to be uncool in front of others.

We cling to this mold we wish to be and hate when we can't fit within it.

We obsess about how much more our thighs seem to be touching together.

We suck in our guts when we see someone attractive pass by and you want to catch there eye.

We worry over stray hairs growing here and there, about our bodies natural chemistry going buck wild by creating some wierd, funky smell, or sprouting up zits in places you didn't even know could get them. Freaking out when we see a spot jiggle on us that never jiggled before. Fear that the day you are the least hygenic or least groomed and tailored in your life is the day you meet someone you percieve could be with you for the rest of your life, but have now given them a negative first image of you.

We do all this because we wish to be percieved as intersting and attractive to others.

And in the end we can't decide what we want in some one who makes you weak in your knees, starts your blood pumping faster just being near them, and makes your palms sweat.

So many women say they want a sensite caring man who will help out when you need them and nurture you when you are in need of it. Then, turn around and find the biggest jackass with the biggest ego in the building and fall head over hells for him, percieving personality traits you wished they have but they could never concieve to be.

Men say they want a inteligent woman who can stand up at the same level as them, keep them challaged. Then turn around and pop a chubby for the first big tittied, bleached blonde porn goddess look with about as much challange as opening up a bottle of pop.

Deep down inside all men want there slutty sex goddess, but virginal to the day they meet them, woman with looks to make other men jealous of you. While women want there big dicked greek gods who are strong when need to be but sensitve and caring when they should be.

Its a fact of life that it doesn't matter how happy you may be with the one you love, but if they don't fit into a percied role of fantastic lover and best friend who knows your heart like no one else and liking everything you like and look good while doing it, you will always fantasies about someone else because you get what you want from the person or persons you fantasies about then insert the things you wished them to be like in real life. The ultimate fantasy lover/best friend is nothing but a mind reader for you, and willing to do anything and everything the way you want it to be because in essence they are you and what you would like to be in that situation.

Fantasies are good, and its what helps keeps us going on the right track in life. No one can expect to be everything someone else wants you to be, its impossible to be the "fantasy" person they hold within them.

And here inlies the beauty of true love.

To see things in someone you never percieved to like ever in your life, to see the things you most definetly do not like and could never stomach in the past. To see all this and still love that person is more beautiful then life itself.

To take all the likes with the dislikes and not letting it stand in the way of your heart. To let your heart dominate you instead of your mind which worries, ponders dark thoughts, and obsess over stupid shit.

Its enough to put tears in your eyes and feel like your heart is about to burst.

People through the ages have desperatly tried and capture this europhia into a neat little picture to look at and nod in agrence to.

Shakespere's Romeo and Juliet is the template for which all stories of true love have been based upon.

As true love, undying, heart taking love is exhausting and explosive all at the same time.

As they say the star that burns brightly burns in half the time.

Some how tragedy gets romantisized in situations like this because its hard to percieve a love like that to last forever. That given enough time the light shall dull, the sparkle shall fade, and what was refreshing and new shall become yesterdays news and todays conformity of mind.

Its like saying that reaching Utopia is as simple as walking from point a to point b, but starting backwards at the letter z and working your way down the alphabet with each struggling step.

How is it we took something so simple and complicated it so badly?

How is it that the one true thing we all seek in life no matter how much shit you spew saying you don't, has to be so hard to accomplish but so simple when you take a step back and look around.

To seek someone with a binding soul to yours to spend the rest of your days happily with.

Thats it....

Thats all we are seeking, just that simple little sentence.

And somehow so many of us go through our entire lives wondering, "where is that person already???"

We hold long conversations about it, we write books and instructional magazines on it, we produce whole movies dedicated to the situation, but we still can't seem to keep something so simple from being so complicated.

Its enough to make a man or woman sit back and wait for death to envelope them.

But thats not a complete tragedy for pain breeds creativity, which leads to art so moving that it makes you weep inside.

In order to be great, you must suffer to reach it.

How can you percieve to know about something or feel a way about something when you never suffered through it in the first place, never took a chance and see how it really is not how you percieve it to be.

The only reason its complicated is because we insist it to be complicated, we complicate it ourselves then we get caught in a repeditous loop of complicating tell you except its just that way and you can do nothing to change about it.

Humanity wasn't meant to sit in cubicles eight hours a day, six days of the week to achieve tiny pieces of art to purchase the "necesities" in life.

When did survival and life come to rely on what you own and how many tiny green bills you have in your pocket?

People have died world wide for tiny strips of paper, for getting it or not having it in the first place.

How many people have died because they couldn't afford food or proper health care, or a damn roof over there head.

How did our worth be based on how much shit we own?

Sure you can be charming, witty, and compelling all at the same time, but if you don't have the money to do anything, then you are not as intersting as say someone who can afford exotic vacations, fancy cars, nights out on the town. Some how, having money makes you more intersting and more entertaining to be with.

We get so wrapped up in this that we forget all the simple things in life that brings us so much happiness, but since its always there we end up just taking advatage of it.

All this shit is like a black hole in your mind, the more you delve into it the more it wants to suck you deeper and deeper in/

I could be talking out my ass and I probably am, but you know what I'm talking about.

We can be so trapped in the day by day shit, all the hassles and agravations in our life, our need to posess more and more, to hide in our little worlds we created in our minds when things are not going our way.

Then, you see something and bam.....a revelation, you realize, "Whoa, this isn't how its meant to be. I wasn't meant to be this person, I wasn't meant to be caught in this trap."

We get so caught up in things its like painting ourselves ito a corner, either you can stand there and wait tell the paint settles and dries or you can step forward and destroy all the time, effort, and work you put into painting that floor in the first place, and who in there right mind really wants to take steps back in life rather then steps forward.

Eh...fuck it, shit happens.

Lets move on.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003