"You either hit it or pass it man."

Next Friday

So we are steadly aproaching another Valentine's day. A day when flourists grow wet in anticipations, and candy stocks hit the freak roof. A holiday a whole genre of music is dedicated to, couples rejoice in there love with each other. While losers *like me* hate the holiday with a seething loathing only reserved for prejudiceses and Tom Green.

A holiday taken very seriously by so many girlfriends world wide, a man is known to be in the obligatory shit house, cut off from all forms of lovin if they forget said holiday.

Take for example the Valentine's day massacer. That wasn't a mob hit, those poor saps just forget to get there girlfriends roses and a box of chocolate.

Lets not even get into the many levels of hell you will get into if you DO give your girlfriend a box of chocolates when she thinks she looks "fat".

Which is why I think the best suggestion for any man getting into a long term relationship and moving in with there girlfriend, should really invest in a good couch. Don't let her convince you to get that little five foot love seat cause its so cute and it has the word love in the title...tee hee.

Plant your foot firmly men and say it with me, "HELL NO! I want that seven footer with the thick cushions!"

Now to get to the point of this entry I orginally

intended.

Now thanks to a site called I want a new girlfriend that has graciously given *coughstoleitcough* me this list to post on here. Should put a little humor in your holiday when you are curled up with your favorite sofa cushion.

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow. Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store. In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right. I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class. Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished. But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass. Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie. I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny. So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Now my personal favorite is number five...get me a samich...just something about it makes me chuckle.

In true plageristic style, I have made my own top ten list, cause I'm lazy that way.

10. Six months we have been dating thus far. Lets consumate our love in the back seat of my car.

9. Lick my balls, slap my ass, and spank my monkey. I would go down on you but your coochie smells kind of funky.

8. The thought of you makes me shiver and squirm, but why must you kiss me with a mouth full of sperm.

7. Tie me up and teach me to please. Did you say you had a disease!!!

6. I love you with all my heart and soul and thats a fact. Now can you get your father to remove that shotgun from my back.

5. Hugs and kisses your love you do show me. I give you a diamond ring, my subtle way of saying "blow me".

4. Now don't get me wrong, I love you a lot, but damn your mother is hot!

3. Loving you is all I can do. And I swear when I was doing your sister, I was thinking of you.

2. With boxes of chocolates and dozens of roses your forgivness I beg. I'm truely sorry for humping your leg.

1. My love for thee I have been demonstrating. Been thinking of you while masturbating.

Its probably a good thing I'm not in the greeting cards business or there would be a lot of pissed off girlfriends this Valentine's day.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003