The always wonderfull Fuzzmom said this about me, and I quote...

"The son i never wanted....but I love him anyway."

Well, thats a good thing cause then it would be possible that we have any kind of sexual relations.

Um...wait, I meant......um...er...

Ok, so I said it, lets just move on.

By the way Fuzzmom, remind me to e-mail you my phone number in case you feel the need for a "booty call".

heh

Do to a few conversations I have had recently, I have decided to write an entry about my beliefs.

Now to start off, I consider myself to be a realist and a skeptic at heart. I question everything and ponder the meaning of it, seeking answers, but never assuming I know enough to give any real answers to the big questions in life.

This is why I have so many problems with religions and its teaching itself. I have to many quiestions and to skeptic to be able to have blind faith in anything.

This by no means doesn't mean I lack in faith. I have plenty of faith, just not faith like how many people perceive faith to be.

I have faith in my own moral judgements, my sense of whats right and whats wrong. I have faith in my friends and the things I love and come to hold dear to my heart.

I am not a believer in God or gods or any form of deity him/her/itself. I believe to assume I know what the universe is about and what and if there is a "higher power" is to believe in things outside my realm of possible knowledge. I believe, and this not to be intended to be an insult or degradation to any one with a belief structure that falls within this, to assume I know there is a god and some master plan would be egotistical and foolish of me.

And despite this, I respect and understand why anyone would choose to believe in God(s) and religion.

The human psyche has a natural tendaceyy to have faith and belief in something. Guidance through life and all its mysteries. For some of us, we can find this with inside of us and be happy (or miserable) with it. The vas majority there is a need to believe and have faith in a higher power and its plans for us in general. It seems to give some reasurances to many people to keep all the mysteries and enormaties of life from crushing our spirit and will to live.

I respect that need and respect that for some, thats what gives them comfort in life.

What I don't respect, but done right loath is those who take a religion and its text and twists the meaning to how they want it. To use it so they can get away with shit guilt free. Hey, after all, thats what it says we should do, right?

Now, I've been told by a quite a few people that they think I'm a really good person. Caring, kind, giving, respectfull kind of person. Some one strong of heart and convictions and will be there for you in a pinch.

Because of this, so many people have told me sooner or later I'll find god and hold him tightly in my heart. I'm kind of annoyed and feel insulted by this statement. Saying this to me, assumes to much about me.

It assumes I've never tried out religion, see what its all about. It assumes I've never tried finding what the meaning of religion is and what it can mean to me. It assumes I've never tried going to church and seeing what it does for me. It assumes I've never even looked at a copy of the bible. It assumes I've never deeply explored with in me to feel this "love for/of god".

Its also a slap in the face to my own belief structure. Like I haven't worked and thought about this for years upon years. Like I just dumped a bunch of beliefs in a hat, randomly picked one out, then went with that for now on.

Just because I don't believe in there God, does this make a bad person?

Which is why I seem to baffle a lot of strongly religious people. How can I be this moraly strong, know this much about right and wrong, be this nice of a person and still not have faith and belief in God?

This is not an ego driven statement, I've been told this by so many people, its kind of hard to not believe in it. Even my own mother told me she was really pleasantly suprised how strong my morals and sense of right and wrong where at a very young age.

I seem to crack pre-concieved notions of the strongly religious types. That you can be a good and moral person and not have "God in your life".

For me, I don't see this as a need. I don't fear what will happen to me once I'm dead. I'm not saying I don't fear death itself. I am saying is I don't fear going to hell just because I don't fall into some religion.

Here are a few scenarios that have repeated quite often with conversations with strongly religious people curious and baffled with my beliefs. More of a question to try and stumble me in my beliefs and my answer to them that usually leaves them further preplexed and quiet.

Question:

What if you die and you find out there is a heaven and hell, what are you going to do then?

Answer:

Well, if God is as omnipetent and caring as believed. I'm sure he will then understand I was a good man when I was alive. That I never done anything inherently evil or wrong. That I stuck with a strong moral code and respected and cared for his other children.

Question:

What if God doesn't except the fact you didn't believe in him and you go to hell for it?

Answer:

Well then your god is not as caring as you have led everyone to believe and to shallow to see past the fact I question the reality I was given while still remaining a good person. And if heaven is full of judgemental hypocrits like you, then your idea of heaven is my idea of hell.

Question:

What if the Apocylpse happened tomorow and all the good are taken up and hell rules earth, would you believe then?

Answer:

Are you serious? I would be a fool if I didn't believe with evidence like that before me. And what makes you believe I wouldn't be one of these people taken to heaven? Just because I didn't bow down to your belief structure, pray to a God I am not sure even exists and if does exist maybe not in any form anyone has ever concieved of before.

Question:

Why do you hate religion?

Answer:

Never have I once said I hate religion. What I do hate is those hypocrits who abuse and twist religion for there own needs and desires. I hate those who use the guise of being a "child of God" as means to manipulate others. I hate how judgemental so many of them can be when one of there basic, no bullshit rules is "judge not less ye be judged". I hate when I see even a postive aspect of religion be churned out or abused by its followers who have all the faith in the world that they are right and everyone else is wrong. I despise those who kill the innocent in the name of God. I hate how so many people use Religion to let them comfortable close there minds to change and differences, claiming the bible *or whatever religious text* says thats wrong.

You know, sometimes its not easy being me.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003