Its a simple title, but straight to the point. Its like a slap on the ass and a kiss on the cheek all at the same time. Suprise and excitment with the slap, soft and to the point with the kiss.

Ok, so it really doesn't have anything to do with that. I just felt like talking about slapping some willing woman's ass.

I'm easily amused like that.

So where was I from the last entry...oh yes.

Well I'm checking out the comp after I datangled the spider web of cords then rehooked the computer up. I'm finding there is no sounds, drivers not properly installed. Can't use my modem, once again drivers not properly installed. Printer, you guessed it, drivers not installed. Monitor, there are no drivers needed so you really can't fuck that one up. Display, god damn that was not working either so my entire desktop looked like one of those phones meant for people with really horrible eyesight. Really big, gaudy looking buttons and fonts.

With there color scheme of choice, calling it butt ugly would be putting it nicely.

So I'm sitting here wondering how does one get a job putting together and repairing computers when, quite obviously, they no jack shit?

Sure its no craft store of gay, but at least the shit should work when you "fix" it.

I thought at this point I had seen all the problems with the computer that I was going to see. Oh no my friends, thats what you call "fatalisticly optimisitic" or "get your damn head out of your ass".

Nifty little piece of computer knowledge here. Did you know when you have an archiac mother board that was made before the concept of Intel Pentium chips and before they started asigning MHZ to the speed of processors, that the old mother boards can't seem to handle a hard drive thats more then 512MB?

I got a 2GIG HD AND I got that old and shitty mother board. Aparently the people at the computer store couldn't put two and two together on this one or they would have done what was needed to keep my HD at maixum capacity rather then it being a quarter of its size.

Then again I could always expect a monkey to speak to me in seven different languages while cooking me a gourmet dinner. Expecting and reality are two entirely different things.

During this entire time I've come to realize how little I fucking know about setting up and fixing problems of this nature. Well knew, now I know a ton of shit because I had to figure almost all of it on my own.

Ok, not completely on my own. I ended up getting a huge amount of help from my bass playing pal Spanky. Who the fuck would have known that sumabitch knows so much about DOS. The fucker is sitting here rewritting my config.sys and autexect.bat files like he has been doing it for ever.

Trust me I'll never question him again when it comes to knowing shit about computers.

After several hours of tinkering around I finally realized what I had to do in order to get my hard drive back up to its 2GIG status.

I have to format it with my EZ-Drive program, thus wiping out EVERYTHING on my comp. A process not two days before I payed those assholes 30 dollars to do.

That was 30 dollars of pure pornorific fun right down the drain.

Despite spending several hours trying to config all my drivers and downloading my backed up shit plus an update to my IE explorer I was forced to start from square one.

This was like the equvilancy of taking a blind man, ripping his cane and seeing eye dog out of his hands, then cutting off his hands and sticking him in a warehouse sized room with tons of oddly shaped obstacles placed haphazardly everywhere then telling him find your way to the either side on your own.

In other words......I'M FUCKING CLUELESS HERE!!!

So what I got to do here is reformat my hard drive with the EZ-Driver quick install program, copy files from my Windows floppy onto my now completely blank hard drive, install my CD-ROM drivers and run the Windows disk to reinstall.

Sounds pretty easy right?

Not in the land of Chrome where it takes machines as big and complicated as your average space shuttle just to make toast. Don't even get me started on how hard it is to make pancakes.

This would all have been easy if only the computer would recognize the CD-ROM after installing the drivers. For those of you who have no clue what I mean, drivers make CD go if CD don't go windows don't load.

Simple as that.

It took rewriting the autoexec.bat and config.sys file and many, many hours of tinkering around to finally get this piece of shit to recognize and use my CD-ROM AND not lose track of where my C: drive is.

So far to date thanks to unexepecting complications and problems I have not a clue why they are problems. I have had to reformat this hard drive a total of six times in the past week. Of course each time I had to reformat wasn't tell after I had spend roughly five hours downloading Internet Explorer 5.5 SP2 and getting back my backed up programs and files.

I don't know whats going on here with my computer. I've scan disked the HD including a surface scan to check for bad spots and have come up completely clean and working for both. I feel like I keep missing a step here, like I'm not installing some key program here to keep this shit stable and working.

I'm not sure if its just me or what, but I swear I've lost a quite a bit of perfomance capability since the begining of this problem.

You all do not know how close you came to losing me and my oh so whiney diary entries for a minimum of a few months.

But, to make you all happy the thing that kept me going during all this. Kept me retrying and reformating over and over again is because I missed me some diaryland lovin. Not just writing in my own diary, but reading others diary. I'm addicted and my addiction finally payed off.

Well hell, that calls for a cigarette and a joint in celebration. Now if I could just find some fine, soft, curvy lady in my bedroom all naked and willing I'd be set and on the road to recovery.

If all goes well, I'll be back again tomorow....oh hell maybe even later to try and get back to my regular and sporadic writing in this here diary.

Tell then...

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003