Dante Hicks, clerks

So I decided for now on, when inspiration strikes. I am going to be quoting a view askew film on my diaries. Thankfully, his films are full of good lines to be quoted. The unfortunete part for you is I have a poor memory and will probably use the same quote more then once.

So, I finally did a competent job of cleaning my apartment. Well me and three friends that is, it looks so good, its just begging people. "Please, make a fucking mess, I am to clean. Make me look like a tornado has walked through here." So I am fighting the demons of my apartment tooth and nail. Hoping the little bastards stop fucking shit up and hidding garbage everywhere. But,I am making a real effort to try and not let it become a mess. Of course I mean it this time, not like the all times I have said this with such conviction. Its like when I sit on the bathroom floor when I am severly drunk. Praying to the porcelean gods, "Please, let me get through this. Don't let me hurl any vital organs. Let me pass out and wake up feeling good. I promise I WILL NEVER DRINK..... AGAIN!!" So, how many people find that speech to be quite familiar. I don't know whats worse, the nights of me kneeling in front of my toilet, resting my head on that cold porcelean, not carring what nasty bodily excrements may be there. Or the fact I had to attach the word "again" to that little prayer. Shit, I aint a religious man, I am very skeptical about a lot of things. Has been refered to as the male version of Dana Scully of X-files *the old days when she didn't even believe in Santa Clause. Cause we all know... he does exist* But on those rare nights I get drunker then Robert Downey Jr. just out of jail. You will find my candy ass praying to anyone or any thing that will listen.

Well since I have nothing intersting going on in my life. I am forced to reveal some funny ass events that have occured to me in my life. This is the story of......

,THE DAY I SWORE OFF SMOKING POT EVER AGAIN

About two years ago, a friend walks in through my door with two fat jibbers. He is raving over how good this bud is and how fucked up I will be. Well blah blah blah.....I have heard that about a million times. Well, little did I know....it would turn into my worst night of smoking in my entire life. So we smoke down one of the jibbers, and watch some tv. Well about a half hour into it I start feeling some real serious bad vibes. My whole body starts shutting down, all my pain sensors start going hay wire, not sure if I am in pain or if I am feeling good. And my stomach feels like some one dropped a 50 pound lead weight covered in salmonila. And I get this overwhelming feeling that if I don't stop being high very soon, I would be dead before the night is through. So I am totally freaked out, not having a clue what was wrong with me. So I turn to my friend and say,

"Dude, I feel like shit, I HAVE TO GO LAY DOWN! I can't be awake anymore."

Well with a look of astonishment *since it was like 11 at night and I have sort of devoloped this reputation for not going to sleep tell nearly the sun rises.* So he bitches and moans about me wussing out, but I can care less. I had that Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas feel of my dead grandmother clawing her way up my leg with a knife clenched between her teeth. So I hit my bedroom, and here it is neccasary to describe two bed time rituals I have. 1. can not sleep comfortably with a single stitch of clothes on my body *ok stop cringing right now..and for gods sake quit gagging. Its neccasary for this story*. 2. I can not sleep without turning a fan on and pointing it at me. I could be freezing my balls off in the middle of the worst storm of the century, and all I do is throw on a few more covers and kick on the fan. So I do these two things and I sit on the edge at the end of my bed where my fan is. I wrapped my arms around me, nearly falling off the bed, rocking back and forth with my eyes closed. I am once again into full blown hypocritical praying mode, with minor revision of it for a new situation. "Oh God! Please don't let me be high anymore! I beg of you, knock my ass out, and let me wake up feeling safe and alive. If you make me stop being high. I promise I WILL NEVER SMOKE ANOTHER JOINT IN MY LIFE!!!!" So after an hour of this, naked as the day I was born, fan on high, me rocking back and forth praying I was not high anymore. I finally fall into a state I swear just this side of a coma. The next morning I wake up feeling super releaved I was not stoned any more. And in my sober state, I remake the promise I won't smoke ever again. So I finally get dressed and head out to the living room. Well, it turned out my friend crashed on my couch. He was awake by time I crawled my way out of the bathroom and watching to boob tube *which would be so much more funny. If my cable company had any porno channels, even the Playboy channel. God damn religious groups and there boycot to remove that. Shit, couldn't you at least wait tell I was old enought to not apreciate it anymore.* So I look at my friend, more serious then I have ever been in my life.

MEDude, I am never smoking that shit again in my life. I have sworn it off, I have given up that demon weed!!!

FRIENDDude, you got to be fucking kidding me. Was it that bad!?

MELong, drawn out explanation on what happended. Kinda like my diary entries, short story turned to long one gone wrong.

FRIENDProceeds to laugh his balls off for the next half hour. Practically crying like a little bitch as he laughs at my "antics". But dude, I saved that other joint for us to smoke it today man.

MEI adamently stand my ground, will not smoke the demon weed ever again.

FRIENDOh come on dude, I will cook us some food and we will smoke this, you know thats going to be good.

ME....grumble...grumble...grumble....shit....fuck....ok maybe a few hits. But not much, this will be my last time and I don't want to feel like that ever again.

Well about an hour later we had smoked that entire joint plus rerolled the roaches with some shake to make another joint. I sat there contently eating my taco dip, laughing my balls off at something on the television. My vow to never smoke again beatin into a bloody pulp, buried in some field miles away. Shit, I am so weak willed.........

So I hope you enjoyed the story, seems to go over very well at parties and get togethers.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003