The 13th Apostle:"You masturbate more then anyone else on Earth."

Jay:"Psshhtttt, everybody knows that."

The 13th Apostle:"Yeah, but when you do, you think of men."

Jay turns to a stunned Silent Bob:"Dude, not all the time."

A conversation outside a Chicken Shack, Dogma

Ok, to settle this now, so I don't get any messages, e-mails, or guestbook entries. No,these quotes are not always going to be word for word correct. I am using my memory, which is more corrupted then the LAPD. So give me a break, I am to lazy to find the quote on my tape just for you people.

Well, I now have confirmation that I rock more then sliced bread. Ever has said my diary is fucking hiliarous. And Gawain had this to say, and I quote, "I on the other hand, think your diary is mostly utter horse-hocky. heh. actually thats not true. it cracks me up a lot." *stands up starts doing his kookie dance while Queen's we are the champions plays in the backround*. Thanx you two, ah its so nice to know I am loved.

Well, its offical, within a three block radius of me is a piece of the lame section of the Twilight Zone. The more I pay attention to the blocks near me, the more I am thinking "www.whatthefuck.com!? This shit doesn't make any sense." Now I am going to give you a few example, so grab your shoes laces and kiss your ass good bye. Cause you are entering the brain of *dramatic music* ME *evil laugh* MWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ..MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *shakes his head and laughs* shit, sorry, went over board for a second. Lose control like that at times. There was that Cheese Whiz incident, but I am feeling much better now.

EXAMPLE 1

The Grand Hotel: A bar/restraunt, called a hotel but, guess what. NO FUCKING HOTEL ROOMS!!!! Now I can't explain this one. The common rumor is that it use to be a hotel but it burnt down and was rebuilt as is. Ok, if thats true, what schizo decided to not change the name. Maybe drop the fucking hotel part. I don't, it might be a crazy idea, but how about not letting the tourists think your a hotel when you are a bar. I know I would be preaty pisse if I walked in there with my luggage ready to crash out in a bed, and all you see is heavily stocked bar. I'm probably talking out my ass on this one, but it makes sense to me.

EXAMPLE 2

The abandoned Garage: Now there is garage a block and half down the road of me. It has all the signs of being abdoned. Sign falling part, so much dirt on the windows you can hardly see inside, The paint on the front all chipped up and unreadeable where it should have been. Now for years I have passed this place when in town. I have noticed during the day and a good portion of the night there was always cars parked in little port. I use to think that was just people who couldn't find a parking spot and where to lazy to find another parking spot farther from our only movie theater. But my keen eye and sharp wit *insert laugh track here* have observed activity in the building on severle occasions over the years. So my theory, its either the offcial chop shop or a crack house. What else would it be, I sure as shit wouldn't bring my car there when they cant even afford to fix the fucking place up. Plus, this is Michigan, and they way that shop looks. I am afraid of having a "squell like a pig" incident in there. I swear, I see some middly retard crossed eyed kid with a banjo sitting outside just once. I am running for the hills and becoming a hermit.

EXAMPLE 3

B&M Transmissions: Now when I hear of the intials B&M. I think of Bowel Movement. So I'm like "since when do I need a transmission installed for when I take a shit". I'm not sure how many people see this bit of ironic humor, but I sure do like to point it out. And I shit you not on this one, the building it painted a dark brown *laughs hard* Oh shit, some times this shit just falls in my lap. Some people make this way to easy. Thinking of playing a prank on the building and super glueing peanuts on the side of it.

EXAMPLE 4

James St Clinic: Now for offical purposes, this clinic is not with in a three block radius of me any more, but use to. I live on James St., which isn't a bad name for a clinic. Makes it easy to remember, James St Clinic on James st. Shit they couldn't make it any easier to remember for me then if they named it, "big tittied mermaids doing that lesbian shit". But about a year ago, they decided they wanted a bigger office so they relocated on old US. 31. But they are still called James St. Clinic. Sure I realize the concept of name recognition in business. BUT WHAT THE FUCK!!! Your not on James St anymore. Change the fucking name before I pistol whip you!!!! Shit, sorry, went off again *pops a few pills* there.....much better.

Theres five bars, two restraunts, four antique shops, three good will stores, a dance studio, a women's gym, a sun tanning saloon, a liquer store, more then our fare share of tourist attraction stores, several abandoned buildings, and some vacant lots. And I am still fucking bored out of my mind. Maybe I am to picky, or this town needs a quick enema to solve our B&M problems.

Oh and food for thought: Since there are bras for cars, do the front ends of cars really need to be lifted and seperated. Do they really fear there head lights will be dragging on the ground.

Well, later

---

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003