"Why?"

"Cause, can't hold a note, cann't carry a tune."

Blood Houd Gang, All your friends are make believe

So I'm sitting in Meijers the other day, in buying groceries for the month. Should of worn a print t-shirt that day explaining to the people behind me that, "I am your worst nightmare, I have a EBT card AND coupons!" With that much food, a card they need to process, and coupons to put in the computer, the only tings that could have made it worse for the people behind me is if I was old and feeble, with really shakey hands and a attention span of a fly in a glue factory............yeah, that joke makes sense in my head.

So I did the next best thing to that, I joked with the cashier and bagger, just going off in a tangent. They where laughing preaty good, which made them go real slow to the supreme anoyance to the line behind me.

Another sign, I'm to easily amused, I'm telling you.

Now I have always been preaty decent at observing things about people, enough that when I mention things to them by hypothesisizing what I know about them, and spiiting it back at them, some people look at me and say,"How the hell did you know that about me?? Have you been talking to somebody??" I really can't explain to them HOW I know, its just what I figure out by how they react to things, talk about things, I can some how see there inner feelings about others and themselves. I can't do this with all people, only the ones who really want to hear, and its easy to tell if they do or not.

Which is one of the reasons I think psychics are full of shit, cause I KNOW I am not psychic, but I can come up with a lot of the same predictions as they do for people I don't even know. Its just a simple combination of math, psychology, knowledge of the human reaction, and simple life experience. We are not talking quantum phsyics here people, everyone does it, just some do it a higher degree of ability then others. Just calculating the odds that said personality will re-act in a situation, and how would you do it if you where in there shoes.

Witch brings me to another point, I think Nostradomus was a genius, but in no way did he do that with some psychic or mystic abilities. I think he was very bright, able to predict the advancement of human civilazion like he did, just working out the odds of this or that happening. Thats it! Didn't recieve some special blessing from god, didn't get all mystic on your medevil ass. Plus all his work has to be translated into english for anyone to read it here, and everything loses something in translation, not to mention a lot of his predictions where vague enough that you could connect to it easily in hinsight.

Now that I have COMPLETELY gone past the point I was trying to make, let me try and re-salvage it before I lose it completely.

Now, as I was saying, I'm preaty decent at observing other people, but I"m completely blind to anything and everything I do. I never seem to realize I might be funnier or wierder then a lot of people, I never realize I might be smarter in ways then a lot of people, I never realize when a lady is flirting with me. I'm all fun and games, goofing off and trying to make them laugh, and when they do it back I just think they must have a good sense of humor, little did I know that some of them where flirting with me for some reason or another. I don't see any of these things tell someone points it out to me. Then I'm stunned with shock, "You can't be talking about me, cause that sure don't sound like me." Then I experience a very strange and unique feeling within me, something I'm not use to in any way, I then get filled with pride.

Pride, something I use to think was nothing but a marketing schtick to get you to buy there product by playing on the "you are not american if you don' buy/vote/or agree with me," kind of vibe. That or its a very nice way to call someone an asshole.

Pride is that thing that makes you sit up straighter and plaster a large, goofey grin on your face. A bit over-rated if you ask me.

This feeling is about as alien to me as little green men in freakishly shiny outfits coming up to me and asking me to take them to my leader.

So when I get it pointed out to me, I can't help but think,"huh, maybe I am smarter/funnier/wierder/more apealling then I thought I was. Maybe, just maybe I'm a better person then I think I am." Of course I end up following this up by doing something extremely geeky or lame, just cancelling the "cooler then shit," vibe.

Man, this whole lack of self worth and complete self loathing is getting on my last nerve.

Well why don't you just stop doing it then you candy ass!

I am mother fucker, chill out and have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Geez, the nerve of some personalities!

*looks up at the moniter with a blank stare, cringes slighty as once again I am arguing with myself out loud. Tries to distract the reader from signs of wierdness, flips Cinemax on."

Hey, is that breasts I see!!!!

Now it seems I have lost all semblance of making the point I was attending. I guess my life long goal of "collecting as many shinies as humanly possible." has a way of interfering with coherent thought.

But hey, everyone has to have there goals. Some its becoming a lawyer or a doctor, making a difference in others lives, or saving the planet. Some its either waiting for the mother ship to pick them up, questioning if the goverment aka big brother has slipped a wire into there morning fruit loops, or collecting shinies.

I say tomato,you say tomatoe. You say thats some wierd ass shit mofo, I ask you to stop calling me Mo's bitch and quit starring at my crap and telling me what it looks like!

I swear, this all made a lot more sense in my head.

Christ, its October 6th again!! Ok, so that makes me 26 now, great I'm getting closer and closer to that thing which we all dread, death. Thought I was going to say turning thirty didn't yeah.

Well I'm older, wiser and getting wierder with each day. And since I am not making any sense today. I'll just say....

LATER

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003