Hollow Man

Holy shit am I a to generous of a mother fucker!

That and I got WAY to many moocher friends with no money or decent jobs

I swear, I never have left over food cause I ALWAYS seem to have friends around who say, "Hey man, can I get a plate of that?"

And what do I do?

I give the assholes a plate of it cause I can't be cruel like that and sit in front of a hungery friend munching away.

And if you listen to some of these fuckers, you would SWEAR they practically never eat anything unless there over at my freakin house. Which would make you laugh your balls off *or tits, depending on if you are a male or female reader*, cause some of these guys aren't what you call on the thin side.....

most of them have what you call a "tool shed" stomach.... you know.....with a tool that good you got to build a shed over it.

Yeah, I know.....another good laugh at there expense.

If it isn't food its pop, if it isn't pop its cigarettes, cause it seems just about everyone I know is a smoker.

And what infuriates me, is the ones who come in with a advice new purchase or a bag of the mean green in hand, and STILL be bumming cigarettes of me.

MOUCHER: Can I get one of those cigarettes you're making?

ME: WHAT!?!? You got to be fucking kidding me?? You got a a eighty dollar baggy there? How the FUCK do you not have any ciggarettes?

MOUCHER: I only had enough money for the bag.....come on man pleaseeeeeeeeee.

ME: Jesus fucking christ.......FINE! I'll make you a damn cigarette........man I swear some times you have smoked yourself stupid.

Ok, so I'm getting a bit bitter about it, but it sure as shit isn't stopping me.

I'd say its karma, but I don't believe in all that.

Is it cause you fear for your soul, and are doing good deeds so you can get into heavan in the afterlife?

HELL NO! I sure as shit don't believe in all that.....and no I'm not going to burn in hell........its your concept, how aobut you go there instead.

The only things I believe in are taxes, death, and annoyances. I know everything I buy is going to be taxed, some day I'm going to die, and its gauranted I'm going to see at least one thing a day that will annoy me.

Its not that I don't like being genorous, I actually enjoy sharring things with the people I love. I have already figured that if I ever hit it rich big time, my family and my close friends will not have a worry left in the world other then what color porche there going to buy or how many bedrooms there mansion is going to be.

It just seems as of late, I'm sharing everything I have with all my friends, and its driving me a bit nuts that they never seem to have anything to share back........ever!

I swear I'm going out tomorow and buying me a strawberry flavored Charleston Chew and NOBODY IS GETTING A BITE OF IT! YOU HEAR ME....NOBODY!!!

*sits there clutching a Charleston Chew to my chest with wide, freaked out eyes darting back and forth and waving around a nail file at everyone*

BACK OFF I SWEAR I'LL SKEWER YOU! Don't make me pop an eye out with this damn file. I'm one pissed off mofo with a nail file and a Charleston Chew so DON'T MESS WITH ME MAN! I'M LIBAL TO SNAP AND GIVE YOU A PROSTATE EXAM WITH MY FOOT!

Yeah, I'm starting to see where everyone is getting this whole "freaky weird" business from.

So, it seems my whole theory of "the town that hell forgot" is flying out the damn window.

Turns out the place kicker for the Detroit Lions, Jason Hanson, is coming to a local Spartan brand store to sign autographs for two hours. Apparently its some promotional thing dealing with some charity that Spartans and Detroit Lions are sponsoring. And I guess there is a contest for one of the people to win four tickets to a Detroit home game, which will have you be meet and greeted by Jason Hanson at the game, then get a autographed football and come out and grab the football tee from the opening kick of the game.

Well gee, how freakin exciting is that! Wait, let me get my heart medication for this one......I'm as giddy as a school girl at a backstreet boys concert.

So now I guess I have to rename the town "the town that hell forgot, except for place kickers for a shitty football team coming to sign freakin autographs."

Jesus, that title is getting bigger by the day, by the end of this year its probably going to be as long as the title of Fiona Apple's latest ninety word title CD, only not as pretenstious.

You know what I hate?

Miss Cleo because she is so full of shit I can see it oozing out of her ears, and that she has a voice that give me coniption fits?

George "stuttering" Bush Jr., cause there is nothing worse then a president who loses the popular vote and can't stop saying the words "evil" and "coward" over and over again when asked a question?

Tom Green cause his comedy is the same as a kindegardener making his friends piss there pants laughing by making fucked up noises and singing dumb ass songs?

beans cause the texture feels funky?

Yeah all of that, but thats not what I"m talking about.

I hate the fact that for some reason I have to take a shit more times while sitting in front of my computer then I do the rest of the day!

I don't know if my bowels are playing some elusive joke on me everyday...

"Oh look, he is on the computer! Quick, lets make him want to pinch off a loaf, but hold some back so we have some ammo for later!"

That or the light from this monitor works better then super laxative.

Or I could be sleep eating, and my sub-conscience's favortie choice of meals is bran based foods.

Which might explain waking up to a insatiable urge to eat Wheaties and bran muffins.

I jokingly say my ass is being argumentitive any time I fart in front of someone, little did I know it was staging a revolution of "shit or bust."

Well, enough of me disgusting you with the daily habits of my bowels or pissing and moaning about my slacker friends.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003