Tenacious D, Hard Fucking

I had some extra cash today, something a kin to a modern miracle, so I picked up the Tenacious D CD. Preaty fucking funny shit, and he really does have a good voice.

Jack Black is one of this small time actors/comedians I noticed in quite a few movies before they hit it big. Like the movie Cross roads with Rutger Hauer, which is preaty damn cool for a b-rated movie, but then agian it DOES have Rutger hauer in it, and he always rocks.

Some others I remember seeing pre-hitting it big or comedians like Jeneane Garofilo doing stand up comedy. John Steward a host of Short Attention Span Theater. Denis Leary on shows like SAST and other stand up comedy shows. David Spade when he was a short hair preppy and had workd this whole new persona he has now. Chris Rock when he always had a flat top and a leather jacket on. Jesus on Stand Up Spot light before that turning water into wine bit that made him famous.

Ok, so I'm lying about the last one....

So I FINALLY revealed a deep, dark secret of love I have been holding within me. I posted here on Unsent Letters.

I could no longer hold back my feelings ....sniff...

heh heh.....

When I was in the CD store earlier today, purchasing Tenacious D and a used copy of Coal Chamber's self titled album, I had to go about a mile or two up town so I had to...

dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNn

TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION-ION-ION-ON-N!!!!

AAARRRRGGGHHHHH FUCK!!!

God damn bus.

So I ask the quite girl behind the counter if I can use her phone. She smiles at me, lifts up her shirt and pinches a nipple for me. I'm getting the whole "she digs me" vibe real well, that or she was lactating...I'm not quite sure.

So I call the bus station and have them pick me up at the CD store. I smile and hand her back the phone, show her my nifty trick of licking my own eyebrows...then hers while she still stood behind the counter. She giggled at me, tells me she has been a naughty school girl and she needs my slide ruler in her fun box.

So as I'm bending her over the counter, screaming "WHO'S YA DADDY!" slapping her ass while giving it to her red shoes diary style, in walks two guys.

Quick to tuck away Captain Stubby while she pulls up her pants and mouths the words, "call me" over her shoulder.

So I'm waiting inside the store, cause the wind has made it "ball freezing and rolling into a gutter" cold, and I have come ill prepared wearing only a pair of Superman underoos and a cock ring.

While I'm waiting for this bus, one of the guys tries flirting with the cute cashier.

I tell yeah though, this guy was one pencil protector and a t-shirt that says "Geeks luv 2 port there Hard Drives in Ur Floopy Drive :}" away from pure geekdom. I know thats harsh, but you should have seen the guy! I'm sorry, but with a voice like that, almost like a white version of Steve Urkel.

And his aproach quickly goes to trying to impress her with his extensive knowledge of christian rock bands, and asking her all kinds of quiestions about why they don't carry that shit here.

Oh nice aproach slappy, how about you show her your stamp collection and tell her how you need a special cream for chaffing cause you chronically masturbate to reruns of Golden Girls.

Fucking dolt.

And this next part, I do not lie about this, ACTUALLY came out of his mouth.

"Well you see, places like Wall Mart and Kmart, you're talking there CDs are about a buck to a buck and half cheaper then here, and you are a local store, so thats why I am here."

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........excuse me....what the fuck did you just say? No really, what the fuck did you just say, cause I MUST have heard THAT wrong.

So this dude is as smooth as sand paper, as suave as Pee Wee Herman with "mysterious" white stains on his pants.

But she was adviously not havin that....uh uh sista....you go girl!!

*snaps fingers and sways head back and forth*

ahem.....sorry..was having a Jerry Springer flashback. Its like a acid flash back but much MUCH worse. I'm suing them for PTSD for this shit....I'll never recover.

So she tries telling this guy that she don't stock it cause well......the shit don't sell ass tickler.

She keeps moving around the store, avoiding eye contact, while trying to move away from him.

Doesn't work, love sick puppy over there begins following her around the store as if he can smell bacon in her panties.

The entire time I seething inside, very much getting annoyed with him talking up christan rock bands with Wall Mart and K-mart. I'm about ready to explode at him yelling..

HEY, FUCK WAD!!! WALL MART AND KMART SUCKS SHIT SMEARED DICK!!! THERE CDS SELECTION SUCKS, AND THEY DEPRIVE ALL OF US OF OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS BY CENSORING BAND COVERS AND LYRICS FOR YOUR QUOTE UNQUOTE OWN GOOD! NAZI FUCKING BASTARDS! SO STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT SHIT AND LAY OFF THE GOD DAMN CHRISTIAN MUSIC, ITS TURNING YOU RETARDED! Here asshole, you wanna listen to something good, grab this here Tenacious D CD. Be full warned, the sense of humor might rub off on yeah and maybe JUST maybe you will devolope a less iriating and annoying sense of humor!

God, my tolerance for bullshit is getting lower by the day.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003