"I say, I'm already dead, and I move."

The Crow

Man, I have been caught in some uncotrolable laughs today, and I don't even know why for most of them.

Well, it could be cause I got high........you know, I'm just sayin.

One of the times, my friend was sitting in the chair sitting on my front left side, blowing smoke rings with his cigarette smoke. The window was slightly opened, and it kept messing up his smoke rings, so he mumbles...

"Damn wind is fucking up my doughnuts."

BUT, thats not what I heard....

"Damn window is fucking my doughnuts."

What the fuck did you just say!?!?

I busted out laughing from the absordity of the sentence, and I swear I couldn't catch my breath, I was laughing so hard. My other friend started getting pissed at us, cause he was playing his football game in the franchise, and we where ruining his consentration.

THAT just made it worse......

I couldn't stop laughing...and when I get like this I can freak out people who are not used to it.

My face turns a very unhealthy deep shade of red, and I'm gasping desperately for air as I'm laughing my freakin balls off.

This absolutely freaks out people who have never seen me laugh that hard.

"Holy shit! He is having a heart attack or a freakin seisure or some shit!"

Which this may sound completely wierd, but at those times, my lungs are so dieing for air, I swear if I don't take a breath in the next second or two, I'll freakin choke to death right there! Laughing at some stupid shit of windows fucking doughnuts!

What usually snaps me out of it is, either my lungs finally stop contracting, and expand for some fresh air, but mostly its me laughing so hard I nearly blow chunks.

Which I'm tellin yeah, really doesn't help with my aplication for "preaty damn normal" status....sorta sets me back about ten years in the freaky wierd department.

I go from laughing so hard I look like I'm going to pull a Mama Cass and afixate on my own vomit. Aint a preaty site I'm tellin yeah. My face is a real bright, and dagnerous *DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER DANGER!* red, with tears streaming down my face, blinding me. And me making choking noises, eyes wide, gills green...

"LOOK OUT! HE'S GOING TO HURL!!"

Then I have to sit there very quietly, cause the next wordss I say will make me projectile vomit like Linda Blair in the Excorcest. Fighting the urge to release the tundra of partially digested foods and bevarages all over my heavily trafficted carpeting. Gasping for air like its going out of style.

So now, I'm the offical biggest loser and geek in the god damn room.

Where is my freakin award.

Another thing that was cracking all of us up was me doing impersonations. I seem to love doing impersonations of different people and various cartoon and muppet characters. Also, when I tell stories, I seem to make a lot of different faces and hand gestures, I'm like a air traffic controler with facial spaasms.

anyways....

The two I did tonight, I haven't done in years. I used to do these impersonations to make my mother laugh, cause they would crack her up so bad, she be nearly choking while she begged me to do them again.....though that got old after a time.

How many of you remember a telvision show on ABC called Dinosaurs? It was a prime time show with life sized Dinosaurs, walking and talking as if humans in a a society, only set in pre-ice age times. They had the little baby, who would clock the father over the head with a wooden spoon or a spatchula and gleefully laugh, "NOT THE MOMMA!"

or, "I'M THE BABY, GOTTA LOVE ME!" In this high pitched, gleefull but evil voice.

I used to do it so well, you would swear ABC was writing checks to me for it.

Now that I'm older, and my voice is deeper, I don't do it as well as I use to, but it still sounds preaty funny.

The other impersonation I did, comes from a Saturday Night Live episode hosted by Linda Blair, that bad ass chick from the Terminator movies. They had Edward Ferlung show up for one skit spoofing T2, with Phil Hartman *RIP* playing Arnold as the Terminator. Its the scene of the three of them driving down the road after the T2 revealed itself to Linda Blair's character. Except, they have Tooncies the driving cat playing the T2 in the skit. Some time during the skit, Phil Hartman says, "Its not a Tooma! Its Tooncies coming to drive you to da store!"

I can do a impersonation of that sounding a lot like Arnold, but only a lot more goofey like.

My friend playing his football game in the franchise, lets out a burst of suprised laughter, cause it seems it was so funny it shocked him. Which just made us all bust out laughing tell all three of us where nearly spewing green pea soup with our heads spinning around.

Ok, I'm not sure what all this is suppose to mean, especially since I haven't gotten to speak to him since before he put it out.

Let me just say this......

Ok, how many of you out there thinks Gawain isn't funny raise your hands.

*takes a quick count*

one....wait.....HEY! Uncle Booby! I didn't say who had to take a piss, or walk there stank ass dog!

*hand drops down*

Yep, I thought so.

Ok, that will make.....hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm let me get my math right....

mumble...carry the one.......

oh yeah, that would make nobody.

And aren't you the guy who wrote the whole Team: Short Bus(TM) awhile back ago? The entry that had people laughing there asses off and comenting in there own diaries!

Hey man, quite being so hard on yourself for not making it funny every time..we all can see you have a lot on your mind right now, by what you have commented on in a previous diary entry.

Look, we all have times where we don't feel funny and probably are not here in diaryland, and it STILL can be intersting to a lot of us, most of us actually.

Just cause you don't feel funny, doesn't mean you are not making some people chuckle. You never know what will make some people laugh... and besides, you ar allowed your down time in a diary.....its YOUR diary....so just chill on feeling unfunny and keep with the flow of words. Just remember what Confucious used to always say,

Don't know if I'm helping or even hitting the nail on the head......

but either way.......take a break if you need it man, but don't leave entirely.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003