Spit it Out, Slipknot

So I'm walking through the store yesterday, finishing off some buys for the month when I came across something intersting.

I see one of those stand up freezers that hold the bags of ice for sale, and on the glass door sits a sign in large, black lettering reading...

Please don't climb into freezer and shut the door...

Thank you, Management.

Now the truely sad, but still hilarous, thing about this is that SOMEONE had to have done that sometime in the past to make them warrant a sign like that.

I can laugh my balls off and cry in frustration at the stupid things people are willing to do for "fun" that warrant such things like this in more and more places and prducts that it should have been blatantly advious you SHOULDN'T have done that in the first place.

Whats the worse part of this, the same idiots who create a need for such warnings, are the same assholes that will sue at a drop of a hat.

Which in the end, the companies try to settle out of court in order not to soil there corporate image instead of fighting it, which then leads them do things like raise prices or lay off people to make up for the lost money.

So in the end, yes we ALL suffer from the stupidy of many people. Be it paying a higher price on products, watching business go out of business because there bankrupt from all the law suits, people losing jobs TO balance out the money loss, to having to deal with such warnings that are so blatantly advious, it makes your brain hurt just seeing a need for this.

The longer this goes on, the more we see warnings on products or in places that shouldn't need to tell you, "Hey, asshole, don't fucking be a tard!"

Look at some products and you will see what I mean.

Hemeroid cream warning, do not take orally!

Yeah, cause I always wondered what my ass creamed tasted like. Maybe if I spread it on my toast with a bit of butter, it will be a nice low call breakfeast.

Bleach warning, do not have contact with skin, and if contact happens, imediately wash of exposed skin.

Well gee, wash off something that has the ability take stains out of ANYTHING and remove all the color from your clothing, not to mention if you leave an article of clothing in a bleach bath for to long, it falls completely apart. Gee, I didn't realize it MIGHT FUCK UP MY SKIN!

Cigarette warning, maybe be harmfull to your health!

HOLY SHIT, REALLY!?!?

*looks at cigarette with fear in my eyes, then chucks it out the nearest window while quietly hurling in the corner*

Jesus, why didn't anyone tell me about this!

Oh yeah thats right....THEY HAVE OVER AND OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN!!

Thanks to our lawsuit happy culture, many of us have to suffer through such warnings that are a direct assault to any semblance of intelligance left in this country.

At the rate we are going, everything and anything you can find will have some kind of warning on it, just to avoid lawsuits that shouldn't have happened in the first place if people would stop being flaming idiots.

Doors

WARNING: Do not slam into head repeatedly or close while any part of your body is between the door and the door jam.

Fire

WARNING: Do not place any body part or vilotile chemicals in fire. Do not leave fire unchech on carpeting, floorboard, furniture, near children, in your car, on your computer, in your bathtub, or any other place that is not a proper fire receptical like your oven or a fire place.

Toxic Waste

WARNING: Do not drink, eat, imbide, consume or smoke said toxic waste. Do not bathe, swim, infuse in hair, or use as a skin lotion. Do not stand near toxic waste. Do not store toxic waste in your basement. Do not put it in your water supply in the hopes it destroys every microscope organism in you drinking water. Do not use as slime at your next halloween party. Do not think its a "nifty" thing to use at your next raver party. Do not offer toxic waste as a birthday/christmas present. Stay the fuck away from toxic waste.

As a society, I can feel we are getting dumber with each warning/instructions a company needs to attach to there product because someone proved that, yes if you don't put it there, they are bound to do said dumbass activity.

We have people sueing places like Mcdonalds because the cup of coffee they put between there thighs while driving, scalded there skin when it splashed over the brim.

No shit sherlock, of course its going to scald you, hence why we call it HOT FUCKING COFFEE!

There defense, the coffee is fourty degrees hotter then the average at home coffee maker. So Mcdonalds is at fault, because they tried giving you a convience of hotter coffee so that it doesn't get stone cold with in five minutes of exposer to winter temperatures.

Listen buddy, I have spilled coffee on me from my own pot and let me tell you, it fucking stung like a mofo! I don't even want to think what it would have felt like on my nuts.

How about you tell your client he use a very hand invention called the CUP FUCKING HOLDER! You know that thing they put in EVERY FUCKING CAR to put your god damn coffee cup in so it DOESN'T burn the hair of your genitals.

Its not just the warnings that are direct insult to any intelligance so many people feebly cling to.

Instructions on products now are becoming outrageous.

Shampoo

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Jesus, that explains why my hair still looks like shit. I just been pooring it directly down the sink.

Do we need a fifty page instructional book on how the remote control of your new DVD works?

Are there THAT many idiots in the world that it requires a good sized paragraph on how the power button on your remote control fucking works!

Even in the history of man, when fire was first discovered they learned, "Fire BAD!" when they stuck there hand in it and didn't do it again.

Aparently, people just stopped thinking for themselves and are letting others do the thinking for us.

I'm just going to go over to the corner and grind my teeth in frustration at the loss of free thinking in humanity.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003