Its just this time of year with the cold ass temperatures and snow everywhere that things seem to go very slowly and very boringly......

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Quit your fucking whining maggot!

Holy shit....is that the guy from Full Metal Jacket??

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You bet your sweet ass it is boy!

Wait, aren't you dead, didn't that one guy shoot you in the bathroom.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Holy shit, the stoners got a fucking memory, well call me fucking suprised.

Ok, hello Suprised, how you doin.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: What, do you think you are funny! You think you are some kind of a joker huh boy! Sound off like you have a pair!

Actually Sarg, I do think I have my moments of funniness.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Well you do now do you, well I bet you will find it really funny when I shove my well polished boot up your ass! You'd probably like that wouldn't you. Be like a change of pace for you, my boot instead of the entire navy fleet up there.

Whoa, Sarg, thats kind of harsh, you are hurting my feelings over here.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Well will you listen to this sad sack of shit! Who the fuck do you think I am, your mommy! You want to rest your mellon sized head on my bozzom and weep like a little girl about the mean old Sergeant. Listen up maggot! I'm not your fucking mommy, I will pop out your eyes and skull fuck you, do you understand me boy!

Uh, yeah....I understand Sarg.....could you do me a favor and pop out my right eyeball if you are going to do that, I'm left eye dominant.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Well sure, I'll even fetch you a warm glass of milk and kiss all you bobos...

Well gee Sarg, that would be awfully nice of you. I have been having a bitch of a time sleeping, and I go this bruise on my big toe from stumbling around in the dark when I....

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: I WILL RIP YOUR BRAINS OUT THROUGH YOUR ASS, MAGGOT! Thats what I'm going to do if you don't drop and give me twenty right now!

*Tentatively lays down on the ground, reaches into my pocket, slips out a twenty dollar bill and waves it in front of Sarg*

Jeez, that was my last twenty too.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: I aint here to take your money funny boy.

Ok, then what the hell are you doing here then.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Well thank god, you do have enough of a brain on your shoulders to take your head out of your ass long enough to ask a decent question.

Well, it is kind of cold out here Sarg...

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: I'm here to give you a few tips on how to improve this bag of festering shit you call a web page. It seems you just aren't reaching the common reader. Yeah, you got a small sect of loyal readers, but you are an american! Bigger, better, and brighter is your motto boy!

Whoa, Sarg, I think you just said two whole, cohernt sentences without yelling while calling me names and swearing up a storm.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: YOU LIMPED DICK, SHIT EATING MAGGOT! I'll rip your spine out and beat you over the head with it!

Well, guess thats an end of a era for you Sarg.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You happy now you pasty faced geek.

Uh, yeah....sure.....I think.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: I'm here maggot simply to make you funnier. I'm dedicating my life to making you a better writer, and funnier for the sake of your readers, now do you hear me boy!

Yeah Sarg, I hear you, but how in the world are you going to make me funnier? I mean, you don't exactly tickle my funny bone....and I don't mean that as a thinly veiled sexual inuendo.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY I'M NOT FUNNY MAGGOT!!!

Um....er...uh no *nervously laughs* you are a laugh riot Sarg, I don't know what I was thinking.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Thats fucking right pig fucker, I'm the funniest fucking thing you will see! Now, first off you need some images of Osma Bin Laden blowing up over and over again on a animated .gif.

But Sarg, that kind of thing will slow down my web page, take it longer to load, and take up uneccasary space. Not to mention repetive gifs on a page has got to be one of the most annoying things you can find on a web page. That and if I embeded a midi file of some lame ass electronic music.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Are you trying to say my idea is bad, maggot!

Uh...no, not really. I mean its really tasteless and makes your web page crawl. You should know, I mean your web page loads slower then my grandmother taking a dump, and she is dead.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY WEB PAGE ASS MASTER!

Uh, actually I am Sarg....lets face it, it sucks diseased donkey dick. If your web page was a "John", it would have to pay twice the going price just to hump the hooker's leg.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: You got a point boy, my web page does fuck you up the ass hard and not even give you the common curtesy of the reach around. Which is why I am here, I am giving up on the diseased pile of monkey shit and coming here. I think you have potential boy! With me, I'll whip you into shape and make you a proper diaryland celebrity even if it kills you!

Gee Sarg, I like that very much, but could we skip the whole "kill me" part. I got some one coming to visit me soon and me being dead will put a severe crimp in that plan.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: We'll have to see about that ass tickler. Tell then I'll be coming here when you least expect it. Just when you think you are safe from me...

BAM!!!

I'll jump out of the wood work with my machine gun and harpoon your ass with my bayonet!

Uh, I'll keep that in mind Sarg.

Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey: Oh shit, fat boy has that crazed look in his eyes again. I'm gone son, keep an eye out for me or I'll show you the true meaning of the term "prison bitch".

*Grabbing his rifle, he makes a running dive through the plate glass window and disapears*

Damn Sarg, why the hell did you have to break my window. Damn, and he took my last twenty that I could have used to replace it.

Well, I guess things won't be as boring around here as I thought.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003