Let me explain this so I don't sound like some kind of clean freak raving about kitchen cleansing products.

I can't remember the name of the paper towels since I ripped off the cover and wasn't really paying attention. This shit doesn't even feel like paper towels. If feels like soft, thin sheets of cotton semi-attatched by easy to seperate lines.

And this shit is super soft. Its softer then the majority of the toilet papers out there. Hell, its ten times softer then the toilet paper in my bathroom and it has the word soft in the fucking title!

I don't know how to describe the heavenly virtues of this roll of paper towels.

It is like....really soft toilet paper for people with huge asses. When you have a really nasty mess to clean up and fear your ass chapping from all the wiping...you use this mighty toilet paper and you are good to go.

I learned how great of a toilet paper this makes when just the other night I ran out of toilet paper and my only alternative was those paper towels or using a newspaper. And since I really didn't feal like have smeared ink stains on my ass, the paper towels was the answer.

And let me tell you, my ass felt like it was floating on cloud nine. I have never felt anything better rubbed across my ass in my entire life....

Well, there was that incident when all of the fine ladies of Sorority Gamma Delta Pie was smearing peanut butter over my ass with there firm, nubile breasts....but thats another story.

The only thing that could have made this wiping experience any better is if the toilet paper had Aloe Vera and shit in it. So, not only does it do a fantastic job of cleaning up your mess, feel obscenly soft on your tucus, but it would also moisturize your ass.

Your ass would thank you for it...like not squeezing off a silent but deadly one when you are on your first date with that hotty you been drooling after.

Of course, how intersting is my life when I do an entry raving about paper towels.

Once again the only movie theater in town has sent me into a white hot rage reserved only for racism and filling out goverment paper work.

You see, we didn't recieve Blade 2 on opening weekend, and this weekend we still have not gotten it.

Ok, now that sucks cause I have been really looking forward to see this movie, but I'll live until it either gets here or shows up for rental.

Now, here is why I am pissed off at this theater. For a few weeks before the offical release date of the movie, they had the Blade 2 poster up in the main lobby. Hell, its still up there right now. So they have the poster up, but they don't have the movie.

Are they getting some kind of sadistic thrill out of this. Tease me with the poster, making me think they will get the movie, but....oh, whats this. What do you mean we aren't getting the movie yet!

And this after they redemed themselves by getting Ice Age, Showtime, and Resident Evil all on the same weekend.

MWHAHAHAHHAHA thats right bitch boy, we give you hope then, when you least expect it we rip it out from under you! MWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHA We are evil incarnate, ready at a moments notice to crush your soul. If you where a child we would buy your favorite toy then smash it front of you. We would make your favorite meal and then throw it in the dumpster as its still steaming hot. We would piss on your carpet, trash your apartment, skeet shoot with your favorite CDs, drink the last of your milk, poke your dog in the eye, and poor sugar in your gas tank while anally rapping your grandmother. MWWWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA.

*drops my head and exageratly pouts as I whisper*

screw you bastards

Fucking christ on a pogo stick, I have no fucking clue what I'm watching on TV, but damn there is some fucked up shit on this show.

Its another one of those shows that viewers send in video taped incidents that make you cringe in pain or cringe because of how stupid these people are.

First one I see, this guy is climbing out of a window of a SUV to jump into the bed of a pick up truck next to....while they're going sixty miles per hour.

So this guy is climbing out the window, his cigarette still dangling out of his mouth. He is doing alright and has his feet in the bed of the truck, but he must have lost his footing or his grip or something cause then he falls backwards, disapearing in the gap between the SUV and the pick up truck. The camera gets turned back to the guy and you see him stumbling off the road quickly to keep from being run over by another set of cars.

Ok, you all can call me as freaky weird as you want, but at least I'm not stupid enough to do that. Not even in my most drunken state would I think this is a good idea.

Oh and you should have heard the pearls of wisdom that came out of this joker's mouth when they where interviewing him about it.

"Death is death, but life is whats happening man."

Sometimes people make doing this shit just a little to easy.

Next video footage I see is cuts of this guy doing tricks on his bike. Or at least trying to do tricks, but what looked more like "the quickest way to fuck myself up" to me. After a few simple crashes, the obligatory crash down on the hand rail and crush your nuts, you see him coming down this ramp only to lose all control and slam his inner thigh on his bike as he comes down.

Sometime later in the day, he decides to pull down his pants and expect the damage when the jelly legged feel wouldn't go away. They show you his leg on the video tape and there is this huge bulge on his inner thigh and practically his entire upper leg is this ugly, nasty looking reddish purple. So finally after they get a thousand angles of his leg, they bring him to the emergency room. The doctors look at it and they have never seen anything like this in there life.

That would usually be the first sign things are not good when your doctor looks at it and says, "I have not a fucking clue what that is, never seen it before holmes."

The X-rays show that he broke his leg and the bone is pushing against the skin.

Ugh, god that was nasty looking. Only way I can see this to be a good thing was he didn't at least bust a nut or break his dick.

The last video footage of note came to us from the back seat of a police cruiser. Aparently the guy who was under arrest really didn't like the circumstances of his actions. So, as per usual, he pleaded his case of not guilty by yelling at the top of his tongues "False Arrest! False Arest!" Over and over and over again. Since his little temper tantrum didn't seem to be affecting the police officer, he decided to spit on the back of his head.

Thats when the cop slams on the breaks, gets out and pulls the guy out of the car. A few seconds later he tosses the guy back in the car, only he took the guy's t-shirt and pulled it up and over his head so it covered his face.

I about laughed my freakin balls off. I know guys like this who get in the cops face, shoving them around, yelling pig at them when they get pulled over for speeding and are drunk as hell. Then they bitch and moan about being under arrest, trying to take the self ritgeous pedstel by claiming they have not right to arrest them...I did nothing wrong!

Well, adviously its time I put an end to this diary entry when the only thing I'm discusing is whats on TV at the moment. How fucking sad is that.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003