Very confusing sounding, I know, but just go with me on this.

So it usually means I have to pay some charge to a bank in order to use the ATM machine to get my cash.

Well I came up with an absolutely BRILLIANT plan! Brilliant I say!

Don't question me, I know its brilliant!

I figure I always seem to be needing to buy something once I get my money. Well, Meijer's not only takes my card, but will give you cash back if asked.

With NO extra charge to my card!

You see where I'm going with this one, right.

So I'll just go pick up everything I need at Meijers the day I get my cash then have whats left of it given to me in cash.

Now this is a tricky one because if you buy very little, they are hesitent to pay out to much cash.

Let me give you an example.

You walk up to the counter with a fifty cent pack of gum, they aren't so willing to hand over a hundred bucks in change.

Trust me, doesn't work.

So you need to go up there with an assorment of goods at a decent total price tag if you wish to yank triple figures worth a cash from there register.

And if you can't get all your cash, THEN you can pull the "buy a pack of gum and get the rest in cash" bit.

I thought my plan was fool proof. Its so simple and solves all my problems at once, it just has to work.

I got all my purchases made, I got all the rest of my cash in pockent, I'm ready to go.

Now here comes the chink in the armor.

NEW EMPLOYEE AT THE CASH REGISTER!

Damn, ok, ALMOST fool proof.

So I walk up with a cart of some frozen pizzas, a couple Uncle Ben's rice bowls, a couple two liters of pop, and some toilet paper.

I get all my crap rung up and I go into my pre-planned speech...

Yeah, I got this debit card here, and I want to use it to purchase all my products from your fine store. Is it at all possible I can get the rest of my balance rung up and given to me as cash?

When needed, I can pull that "deer caught in the headlights, I'm an innocent soul" look on my face at a drop of a hat. Comes in quite handy at times.

Being as she is a new employee, I can take advantage of her not knowing the "can not pull more then seventy dollars cash from a debit card with any one purchase" policy.

So I tell her the balance of my account, she looks at the price rung up, then gets this preplexed look. Not being one to want to waist my time in a store, and also know as the "human calculator" according to Spanky, I just tell her what the balance should come out in change.

So she types it then smiles when she finds it to work out to be the exact balance of my account.

Yep, I'm just that damn good, can I have my money now?

Seeing as I had a time set for when my ride back into town is to pick me up, and I'm quickly aproaching it while standing there in line waiting for it to be done. I find myself impatiently distracted by the clock quickly ticking down to said pick up time.

So, I'm not really paying attention to the cashier and what bills she is giving me my change in.

Finally I feel her slap this big wad of cash in my waiting, out stretched hand. Quirking an eyebrow, I look down at my hand and see a impressive mountain of cash sitting there.

Its roughly ninety five dollars in change, I'm looking like I'm holding a couple thousand dollars.

Having no time to quible about this, I just clutch it in my hand and head out in just enough time to be out there before my ride gets there.

After I've packed away all my groceries and take a seat, I decide to see whats the deal with this big stack of cash.

Counting it out, it came to exact change. There goes my hope she counted wrong and gave me to much cash.

The thing is, aparently she mistaken me for a bank as my change came in twenty five ones, twelve fives, and one ten.

Seeing as I have a typical "man's wallet" its already packed to the point it doesn't like folding anymore. If I even dare shoving this wad-o-cash into it, there would be no way I'd be able to fold it in the slightest bit.

So there I am with this giant ass wad of cash with a ten dollar bill wrapped around the outside of it. Had my bling bling fantasies as I pretened the ten was the smallest bill in the wad.

After the apeal of that wore off, I shove it in my pocket which created this very conspicous lump in my jeans.

So either I'm a man with a very impressive wad of cash in my pocket or I got some strangely rectangular cancerous growth on my hip.

Living in a big city, I'd say either way that would just be a signed death warrant.

Now, if you would excuse me, I'm gonna go partake in some "bling bling in da strip club" fantasies with my wad-o-cash.

Sadly, that will be the highlight of my day.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003