I managed to hyper extend both of my thumbs.

Lets clear something up in case any of you think anything like me. My hyper extending my thumbs has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with what I was talking about in this entry.

Nothing preverted with this, I didn't explore any serious kinks that resulted in spraining my damn thumbs.

Though I'll tell ya, it sure as shit has put a crimp in doing it. Thumbs hurt so much I can't grip anything for shit. I'll leave you to your imagination to figure this one out.

Well, hyper extending my thumbs requires a little bit of back history here.

Story time folks, gather around on the carpet and get comfortable.

A few weeks ago I bribed a friend of mine to put all my groceries away for me. Shopping for food only once a month results in hauling around a lot of bags from several stores. By time I'm up the STAIRS-O-DEATH(TM) with a fuck load of bags, I'm pretty god damn tired.

I need me a seat, a cigarette, and a drink prefferably with a lil umbrella in it.

Well, being the lazy fuck I am, I asked a friend to put them away for me. The bribe, I'll feed your slacker ass.

Being on a budget, hamburger becomes a regular staple to your menu. So usually, I got a lot of it and in big packets. This month with several hamburger helper meals, tacos, and spaghetti, I've got a veratable ass load of hamburger.

I specified this, and that these packets need to be cut into seperate chunks, wrapped up, THEN tossed in the freezer.

Yeah, I'm asking a lot from my friend, but the butt muncher eats a lot my food and smokes a lot of my cigarettes. Its the least he could do.

Well, after that day, I didn't need anything from the freezer for a good three to four days. And, as stated often, I'm a slacker. So I never checked to see if he did this.

Then one night I have a hunger for some hard shell tacos. Cracking open the freezer, I reach for one of the packets of hamburger to begin defrosting.

Every last one of them is in there and not a single one of them is cut up for meals.

Sumabitch.

So now, if I want to eat any kind of hamburger based meal, I have to cut the bastards while still frozen then toss the remains back in the freezer. I can't fully defrost it, or it will fuck up the hamburger I don't use.

Still determined to have tacos, I break out one of the packs and start cutting into it. About as easy as taking a butter knife to a brick.

Letting it sit out for awhile, I go back to it and begin sawing into it again. I'm getting it part way in, but its still completely frozen mostly. So I get a deep enough cut all the way around, I figure a couple bangs on my leg and I'll just break the rest off.

WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!

Ow, I managed to clock my knee a good one. Yet, I didn't manage to break it apart.

damn...

Ok, lets go at this Jackie Chan style! So I prop it on the edge of the table and do a palm strike on the end hanging over the edge.

YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAM!

*shaking my hand* sumabitch.

By now I'm getting frustrated with this dead chunck of ground up cow. I'm wishing I could bring it back to life just so I can kill it again. Maybe poke out its eyes and give it a swift kick in the nuts for good measure.

Alright, slamming it off my knee didn't work. Propping it on the table then hitting it as hard as I can didn't work. Short of getting a chainsaw, I'm stumped on what to do.

Then it hit me, whats harder then my hand? Yep, you guessed it, particle board. Or to be more specific, a shelf left over from an old computer desk that I use as a little table to write and eat off of.

I sit down and prop the thing between my legs. One edge on the floor, the other pointing up just aching for me to slap it with some frozen cow.

WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!SNAP!

WHOOO HOOOOOO

No dead cow shall get the best of me!

*leaps up and does a happy dance around the room.*

Broke off a small chunk of the board, but I finally broke that shit right in half. Yeah, but I didn't know at the time that I managed to hyper extend both of my thumbs. Actually, I didn't feel the effects of all this whacking tell then next morning.

My knee is throbing like a mofo, my hands are all crampy, and my thumbs ache as if I bent them back tell they touched the back of my hands then taped them off for a few hours like that.

I feel like an old man, limping from room to room, moaning about my hands and temporary lose of love life.

This, folks, is what you call a special kind of stupid.

Now I only need to do this another.......

five more times this month.

*sighs*

Anybody got a table saw they can donate. My thumbs can't take this shit.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003