That and I just came across crazy to all the upper middle class trendy people climbing out of there SUV's and heading over the micro-brewery across the street.

Eh, screw them. When they get trashed they have no problem screaming incoherently at two in the damn morning.

Its seems for one reason or another I can't get my monitor to work on it for the life of me. Hell I even asked to borrow Dragonhawke's monitor and that didn't work either.

Sure the computer turns on and makes all the normal boot up noises. I just don't see shit on the screen.

So..I'm thinking my new computer is taunting me. Taunting me in a heavy spanish accent cause well...its like adding salt to the wound while making all the woman puddles in there chairs.

Because of this I have no and forever dubbed my new computer........Fernando.

Fernando: Oh you like my shiny case, no?

ME: Yeah, lookin pretty spiffy and tall there buddy. Better then that wide boy I had before you.

Fernando: Oh marvel at my high speed CD-ROM. I move with the swiftness of leopard, the speed of cheetah, the grace of lion. You care to load cd now, yes? Oh, it is done. You don't even know it, but I have it done, no problem.

ME: Quite impressive. I'll be putting that bad boy to good use.

Fernando: Ah, yes, but look below. Do you not see a CD rewritable with DVD action, yes? I will burn the mixed CD's for you. When your blood pumps like rapid rivers churning its white mist, I'll mix CD of hard thumping music! When you want to woo the ladies, I'll mix a CD of soft, sensual music so you may melt the ladies. This Fernando shall do for you, yes?

ME: Oh hell yeah! I've been dying for a CD rewritable drive. Now you and me, my friend, are going to make beautiful music together.

Fernando: That is good, yes. With my high speed processor, loads more RAM, ass stompin video and music card I shall be the best you have seen my friend.

ME: Man, think of all the possibilities. Be able to listen to MP3's without them breaking up constantly. Play decent video games made sometime after Pong. Load web pages sometime within my life span!

Fernando: Yes, this all I can give to you. Oh, but this is all to good for a...man...like you. Whats this? You dare connect such an outdated and pathetic excuse of a monitor as this!! You have insulted Fernando!

ME: Um..sorry buddy, but its all I got. We have to salvage the monitor, keyboard, and mouse from my old computer or its no go for us.

Fernando: You dare dress me in such....filth. You do not respect the Fernando. I am not a toy for you to use. I am to be respected and revered by many! I AM FERNANDO!

ME: Um...what?

Fernando: Ah, now you play dumb. You are good at this.

*Turns the crowd of ladies and blows them all a kiss followed by a macho yet touching smile.*

ME: Hey, Fernando, man. You're making me look bad in front of everyone.

Fernando: NO! You dare insult my honor. I give you no Fernando lovin. I shall sit here and tease you with the marvels you could of had.....ahhh how it would have been good. Finally..the good porn you could of had, yes.

ME: Oh man..come on and give me a break. I can't afford anything new! Hell man its my birthday in a couple days, can't you cut me some slack? How about this, I plug you into Dragonhawke's Monitor. Oh look, bigger and shinier. Thats nice isn't it?

Fernando: Yes, I am pleased with you trying. Yet, you still insult Fernando's honor. I demand large, flat screen monitor that matches with my lovely casing. Must be color cordinated for the ladies, yes.

ME: Whoa, hey now. You have any idea how much one of the SMALL screen versions of those monitors cost? Can't we comprimise with a spankin new mouse and one of those ergonimicaly correct keyboards?

Fernando: It is good start....BUT Fernando must be apeased. You have wisked me from the hands of a lucious lady and now....you give me.....you. Fernando is far from happy.

ME: Oh hell man. I'm just some poor bastard with a questionable life. I walk through it in a constant haze wondering where I'm going, when will I get there, will I ever get there. What is to become of my life. Will I always be living check by check, scraping for change just to get some smokes or something to drink. Am I to be the many heart broken as I watch my dreams of being a published writer go down the tubes. Will I watch rejection after rejection letter come in. Will anyone every like my writing, will I ever get past my shitty spelling, my huge gramatical errors. Will I ever be able to and see my dreams and imagination spring to life between crisply new sheets of paper bound tether with a hard cover and a snazzy dust jacket. And during all this will I ever find the woman to be with me through all this. Best friend, companion, lover. Will I ever find that true love I've been looking for since I was fucking twelve?!?

*drops his head down in defeat and lets lose with all the fears, anxieties, and disapointments as tears stream down my face.*

Fernando: There, there my little friend. Its not as bad as you think, no. Look, Fernando shall make all sorts of good boot up noises for you. Does this not make you happy, yes? I just teasing you a little my friend. We will be good if you just work on me a little.

ME: *Looks up with a hint of hope shinning in my glistening eyes* Really?

Fernando: Would Fernando ever lie to you? I will give you the stolen music, the recent downloaded movies, the good porn. You and i will play good games and listen to beautiful music my friend. For Fernando has willed it.

ME: *Wipes away the tears and stands up* By the way you got a date with Ms-M this weekend.

Fernando: *Flashing him that winning smile while gently pating him on the head* Yes, this Fernando knows. You will write beatiful poem and get boquet of roses for my date, yes?

ME: Yeah...no problem. Anything for you Fernando.

Damn.....my computer is good.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003