Yes, finally the time has come that Fernando is back in full working order.

Aaaaahhhh so nice not be going at the lighting speed of a turtle on Prozac anymore. Though as a kick in the pants I�m back to my old modem problems. Which means when I get my next check I�m going to have to fork over some money for a new modem. And that pisses me off cause I just got done paying fifty bucks to have this fixed which turned out to be OS problems and hardware conflicts.

Now I would have had this computer about three days ago, but that would assume they would get there head out of there ass long enough to actually fix this problem.

First I bring the computer in on Tuesday and expect to hear from them around Thursday or Friday that my computer is fixed, come pick it up. Which I did finally hear from them real late Friday, only it wasn�t to tell me my computer is fixed. Nope it was them telling me they can�t install my Windows XP cause I brought in a burned disk of it and they need proof that it�s not a pirated copy of it.

I DON�T have proof that it�s an original copy and not a pirated one. I�ll leave it to your imagination why I can�t prove this.

So my only option is to bring in my copy of Windows 95 to be installed on my kick ass comp. Sure it�s an old ass operating system, but it�s an original copy and it works.

Problem with this is by time I actually found out I needed to do this and got the CD to them. It was near closing time for them so I wasn�t getting it on that day. So I�m told call in Saturday and we are pretty sure it will be done then.

Around one in the afternoon Saturday I give them a call. Two hours before they close up tell Monday. Is it done? Nope, someone is downloading for your drivers that the XP disk provides, but the Windows 95 doesn�t.

Great, just fucking great.

Because someone was slacking on there end, there was no way I was going to get my computer on Saturday and they won�t do it on Sunday.

But on Monday I give them a call and yes it�s finally working and I can pick it up.

About fucking time�.dumb ass.

Now the bus ride there�.yes I did say bus ride there. It�s what you do when you don�t have a car and would rather not walk over a mile carrying a tower in cold ass weather. Now that turned out to be, um, eventful.

To start off I wasn�t the only one getting on the bus. I�ve mentioned this guy in a past entry; he works for the Kirby sales store below me. Real anal looking hick wanting to be business like, but comes across like he lost his bank card up his ass and he hasn�t decided if he is pissed he can�t get to his bank card or that its trapped in his ass.

So I get on the bus and take one of the back seats knowing he would sit in the front. I�d rather not be close enough to hear him mumbling shit under his breath.

All seems well as we move along stopping at this apartment complex that houses senior citizens where two nice, very talkative ladies got on the bus and begin discussing�um I don�t remember. All I know is it has something to do with the quality of local restaurants or which adult diaper best fits the curve of there ass. Hell I don�t know I was blocking them out by this time.

As I usually do on the bus I stare off through the window and let my mind wonder. Semi-conscious of where the bus is heading and how long it�s taking

Seeing as I�ve been on the bus enough times with anal retentive Kirby man I�m quite aware which block and house he lives on. So as I slipped out of my thoughts back to reality I could see that was the next place we where heading. Turning the corner and there is his house�.and there it goes as we pass it right by. Three houses down anal retentive Kirby man yells out, �HEY! You passed my damn house!�

Whoa boy, I could see this one coming a mile away.

The bus driver wasn�t ready to take his shit for one second and told him to quiet down and don�t be yelling. Well you can bet your sweet ass Kirby man wasn�t going to be told that shit.

You could almost taste his desire for a moment like this to finally be given a reason to explode.

Kirby man : What the hell do you think you are doing! You know where the hell I live!

Bus Driver : Don�t you take that tone with me. Quiet down right now.

Kirby man : Don�t you tell me what to do. I�ll have your ass reported for this.

Bus Driver : Go ahead try and do it.

Kirby man : That�s it, you�ll see me at your station come tomorrow and I�ll be reporting this shit.

Bus Driver : Sure, try it, I tell you now you will never be riding this bus ever again.

Kirby man : We�ll see about that.

Bus Driver : Oh it�s true, I�ve seen the file that was reported on you.

That�s when Kirby man paused as if he was just slapped in his face. At this point I�m fully locked into reality. This shit was like watching some cheap version of a drama show and I was completely fascinated by it.

Like a sudden revelation in a high drama television show, the �report� is slapped on the table and now things take a strange turn.

Kirby man : *after a long pause* Now listen�..I didn�t say shit to that woman�

Bus Driver : Not according to the report, buddy.

*Me watching, completely enthralled as I slip the little box of lemon heads out of my pocket. Feeling under dressed for this impromptu dinner theater ala short bus special.*

Kirby man : Now listen�that report is complete bullshit..

Bus Driver : Go ahead, come down to the office tomorrow. I�ll be there if you want to file a report, but I guarantee you�ll never ride another bus again.

DUN DUN DDDDDUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!

Unable to come up with any kind of response to this, Kirby man turned around and stomped his way to his house, grumbling fanatically underneath his breath. Without another word the driver shut the door and slowly rolled away.

I fought a strong urge to point at Kirby man through the window while laughing at him. Well I didn�t really fight it hard since it wouldn�t of mattered if I did it anyways, he was to busy grumbling to himself with is back to the bus.

Judging by this guy�s personality I would bet big bucks that he spent the rest of the night stewing over this small incident.

So once again we are off and the shock of the moment has worn off for the elderly ladies in front of me. This was a shame because the silence was quite peaceful. Once again I went back to staring out the window and letting my mind wonder as they ladies went on talking away.

A few seconds later I realized I was beginning to smell something very nasty gradually getting worse in its stench. At first I was lost on what this smell is and where it was coming from. Did we run over a skunk?

Then it dawned on me. This sweet, elderly lady in front of me happily talking away just ripped one of the nastiest farts I�ve ever had the misfortune of smelling.

It was sickly sweet and kept growing stronger with each passing second. I mean this was a smell that makes a person nostalgic of the days of smelling wet, hot garbage over the smell of this woman�s ass. My god I think this woman�s ass had died and judging by the smell it�s been more then a week since it�s passed.

To keep from vomiting all over her back I had to plug my nose and breathe through my mouth, but I couldn�t be rude and just pinch it shut. I had to just will myself to not breathe through my nose anymore. Unfortunately this didn�t help as much as I wanted. I could taste this stench.

It took every ounce of my will to sit there with a straight face and pretend nothing was going on. When in reality I wanted to leap for the tiny ass window two feet above my head, rip it open and press my mouth against it while gasping for fresh air.

Either that or say loud enough so everyone could hear�.

Good god woman, the stench! Put a damn plug in it, you�re killing me!

Ok I would never actually say that to anyone who wasn�t a real close friend, especially to an old woman about one hip break away from the grave.

And to top all this off, the damn computer store didn�t install Windows 95 on my computer, but instead opted to install my Windows XP.

The shit I go through for this damn computer.

Fernando : But you know you love me.

ME : Eh, blow it out your ass, Nando.

Fernando : I can be a good guy, yes. Just get me a threesome with Ms-M and Raw and I see what I can do for you.

ME : *grumbles* asshole.

Fernando : Oh, call me an asshole huh. Well look at here, modem not working properly. That problem looks familiar, yes.

ME : NNNOOOOOOOOO!! Not again!

Fernando : Yes again my friend. Now do as I want and maybe Fernando will make you a happy man.

ME: Fess up, you�re Satan, right?

Damn computer.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003