I think some of the hardest times to quit, when the urge scratches at my brain like a cat in heat, would be sometime after a meal. Only you smokers and ex-smokers know how much a cigarette just hits the spot after a good meal. Its like getting your eat on then having a mini-orgasm just afterwards without all the sweating, grunting, and straining of muscles.

Throw in a caffeine addiction and wash that all down with a nice, cold glass of bubbly fresh Pepsi.

You forget you miss sex after that�.for about five seconds. Still, that�s five seconds I�m not wondering �gee, how nice would it be if I was spanking some woman�s ass right now?�

Holy hell I�m going to die a hell of a lot younger then I probably should, but man will I ever be happy up to that moment.

Ok so one day I�ll finally �amend my ways�, but knowing my luck five minutes after I quit smoking I�ll win the lottery. This would precede my life taking heart attack by ten minutes.

And no I won�t add you to my will now �just in case,� quit asking.

So the great hunt for the new office chair is still on. Why, cause I�m a lazy fuck and the closest I�ve come to finding a new chair this weekend is grumbling, �I need a new fucking office chair, damn it.�

Though really if I could patent and market the �fucking office chair,� I would be a freakin millionaire. Cyber sex would take on a whole new level of�er strangeness.

Ok, so I wouldn�t feel good about myself I could patent and market it, nor would I ever touch one of those chairs in someone�s personal office. Still capitalizing on one�s perverted nature, who does it really hurt? Unless your perspective spouse decides to pick up one, then sorry, but you two obviously had issues before I came up with this idea.

Insomnia is kicking my ass right now and its making me one crabby mofo.

After I finished up the second half of this story I was dead tired and ready to pass out. I get into bed, do my nightly ritual that I will not go into details for your own sanity, and then I toss the worn out pillow over my eyes and I�m ready for la la land. Only I don�t even get the courtesy �just about to delve deep into sleep then have my ass be violently woke up� kind of moments. Instead as I�m laying there I can feel my brain bouncing around in my head like I just gave it a Jolt cola IV drip.

ME: You�re not going to let me sleep are you?

My Brain: Um, nope. PAR-TAY!!!

Ok so I figure if I get up and watch television for awhile, I�ll finally begin wearing out my brain enough to confuse it into a deep slumber. Two and half hours later I think I can, so I head back to bed. An hour later I�m pissing and moaning over the prank my brain just pulled off on me and got away with.

Alright, how about some more TV, shall we?

This went on tell about half way through the second set of football games, when my brain finally broke down.

My Brain: Ok, I�m tired. Take me to bed.

ME: Um, are you fucking kidding me! Its four thirty in the afternoon, NOW you want to go to sleep!

My Brain: Uh, yeah! Come on Slappy, get your ass up and go to bed. I�m ready for sleep.

ME: I swear when I get the money I�m replacing you with a monkey�s brains.

Ok, so I relent and decide I can at least get a small nap in. I lay my head down on my pillows, snuggle up under the comforter, slip that beat up feather pillow over my eyes and�..aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh THERE is the feeling I�ve been dying to have for the last twelve hours.

Oh dear deep, deep sleep how I love you so. I have hunted across the world for you, eluding me at every turn. Now, I have finally found you and we can be together for the next six, blissful hours. What�s this? You brought me plenty of naked, flexible, nubile women all for my sleeping pleasure?!? And, are they carrying STEAK FAJITAS, COLD PEPSI, AND A FRESH PACK OF CIGARETTES!!! Oh deep sleep, you know just where to touch me to make me coo. I love you with all the�.

*ring�.ring�ring*

fuck me

Fourty fucking minutes into my deep slumber my friend FINALLY calls me about catching a ride out to Wal-Mart to look for a new office chair.

Um, no�.fuck off. Ok, love you, but don�t call me back!

*click*

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003