Yeah, mine was pretty damn good too, but let�s not start this tale here. Instead let us start it the day before Thanksgiving that, out of necessity, I ventured out into the hell that is grocery shopping early in the afternoon.

If surviving life was based on one�s shopping instincts, I would have been dead a long time ago. I mean logically, instinctually I understood shopping the day before Thanksgiving is a kin to being fisted by a cruel mistress who�s run low on lube, but did that stop me, nope. I had to go out shopping then even though, feasibly, I could have done it say Monday or Tuesday.

As per usual I�m forced to cruise out to the stores roughly two to three miles away via the local bus service. Which is such a great treat because it reminds a person that hermitizing yourself from society isn�t such a bad thing after all. Though, oddly enough, other then having to stand out in the cold with fresh snow on the ground, nothing eventful happened on the bus to the store.

First stop, Meijer for all *almost* my shopping needs. Now despite my stupidity to venture into this waste land the day before a huge American holiday, none of my shopping was holiday related. Well not originally, but that changed when I was browsing the DVD�s which I do each time I�m out there. For the most part I do this in hopes of finding some �rare� DVD I�ve been dying to have, but will only be lucky to find in this small town.

One of these DVD�s I�ve been looking for the greater part of a year is Chasing Amy on DVD. Which brings me to a little confession I�m going to make, despite being a huge Kevin Smith fan, that was the only one of the Jersey Askew aka Jay and Silent Bob movies I didn�t own one way or another. And it�s not like its my �least favorite� of the five, on the contrary its one of my favorites. Ok there is two confessions since over at Diaryland loves Kevin Smith, Mallrats and Dogma seems to be the more popular of the bunch.

I never held much hope to find any, but Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, View Askew films out at Meijer. Large selection of DVDs, yes, but of the more main stream and historically bad ass venue of films. The day before Thanksgiving 2002 that all changed.

First I spot a lone copy of Chasing Amy sitting on there shelves. I nearly pissed myself a little as my jaw began collecting dust and lose candy wrappers on the floor as I stare at that DVD in disbelief. I snatched that bastard up like there was an army of angry mothers fighting for that single copy of the DVD and if I didn�t move fast the sucker would be long gone. I even walked through the store the entire time either keeping and eye or a hand on that DVD in case someone grew a set of brass balls and snagged it from my cart.

Paranoid, just a little, but I�ve been looking for that fucker for almost a year now. And I would bet if I didn�t get that particular copy of it, I wouldn�t see another one tell I managed a ride out to a larger city.

But this does not end my miracle on Meijer DVD isle, nay nay I say. Deciding to see if luck was on my side, I kept scanning the DVD racks. Once again I was in danger of soiling my undergarments when I saw not one, not two, not three, but FIVE copies of Clerks collector�s edition. Moving a little less obsessively to snatch a copy up, seeing as there where five and I already have a copy of this on VHS, I stood there clutching my treasure trove of View Askew DVD�s I had not previously owned. Now all I�m missing, on DVD, is Mallrats and Dogma, but I can live with that since I have them on VHS.

Wait, but there�s more! As I clutched my precious Clerks and Chasing Amy to my chest, giggling like a little boy in a candy store, my eyes wondered on a solitary copy of Dog Day Afternoon on DVD for 9.99. SCORE! Holy shit who ever has been placed in charge of purchasing DVD�s for Meijer actually has taste! Though as much as I wanted to make this a trifecta of DVD goodness, I decided to, instead, purchase this as a Christmas gift for my brother.

Seeing as I had grocery shopping yet to do and that was on the other side of the store. I casually explored further in these aisle for other potential Christmas gifts, which in the end I came up empty handed.

In the hustle and bustle that is pre-Thanksgiving shopping, I had not fully appreciated how empty the non-food aisle where tell I began grocery shopping. Though, thanks to sales and desperation, the day after those aisles will be packed tighter then a sardine in a can.

Now I understand being out at the grocery store the day before picking up things that had slipped your mind, usual dinner shopping, or things you didn�t even realize you needed. What I don�t understand is people who wait to do all there Thanksgiving food shopping on that day. And judging by a lot of people�s carts, this was truer then I thought it could be.

Amazingly enough despite there being so many people there panic pre-holiday shopping, the atmosphere is nicely quiet and calm and respective. Which is more then what I heard happened at Wal-Mart when a group of mothers had a fist fight over the last tub of Ready Whip and another near brawl began over the last pre-made pie crust. Once again affirming that Meijer kicks Wal-Marts trailer park trash ass with efficiency and class, in my book at least.

Remember when I said the bus ride to the store was uneventful? Yeah, that was a bit of foreshadowing in case you missed it.

The bus ride home was of the most pure joy in the world that I seriously contemplated how hard would it be to spend the rest of my life in a fetal position. Start off I wasn�t the only one waiting for the bus, but one other person was. Not so bad even when we got on the bus and found another person already seated. What turned out to be the disturbing factor was the person already seated on the bus. Seems either this man could not find a hanky anywhere or managed to lose his apartment keys up his knows because I swear he was seriously digging for gold up there. Knuckle deep he just casually looked up at me staring at him in disgust then went back to looking for the lost city of Atlantis in his sinus cavity.

A little fact about this small ass town, Wal-Mart is closer to town then Meijer is. A fact I come to regret on a daily basis, this day most of all when we stopped by there and picked up another four people. Now these buses are quiet small, so six people on there and no one knowing each other means some stranger has to sit next to another. Wisely, ok by accident, I sat in the solitary single seat on the bus meaning I wasn�t forced to sit by anything, but my groceries.

Since I wasn�t going directly home, but rather stopping by the tobacco store I should have been the first person to be let off the bus. So we are rolling along the highway, off to the left there is the tobacco shop�aaannnndd there we go right past it.

Oh, not good.

So we keep going further into town and I begin wondering did I actually say the tobacco store or did I go into auto pilot and say take me home? After dropping off one of the people, the path we begin taking seems to be the exact one to take to get me to my apartment. About two blocks away, was making sure we where heading to my apartment instead of dropping someone else off who toke the same route, I asked the driver didn�t I say to the tobacco store?

Turns out I did and I wasn�t the one on auto pilot, but rather the driver is. You would think this would piss me off, but strangely it works in my benefit. Or at least it should have worked in my favor.

See I only needed to go in the tobacco store for about a minute, grab my shit and go. When the bus is pretty much empty and the driver isn�t needed double quick, I can normally get them to sit there and wait for me so they can drive me home. I prefer this because then I don�t have to walk into the tobacco store with arm loads of groceries then stand around like a geek trying to stay warm tell they send another bus.

With her not dropping me off first, like she should of originally, it meant I stayed on the bus tell all the other passengers get off. So as we are driving around the bus driver kept telling me how bad she felt for missing my stop and agreed to try and work out her waiting for me in the store.

Playing the sympathy card, oh yeah.

This is about when I realized Magellan of the nose pickers has finally discovered the lost city in his right nostril and is digging for the hidden treasures of Arabia in his left one. I�m expecting either this guy is going to get one horrendous nose bleed or Geraldo Rivera is going to pop out with a camera crew.

Finally everyone is dropped off and we head back out to the tobacco store, she radio�s in about her missing my stop and me wanting her to wait to take me to where she thought I was going. No go, I�m forced to sit there and wait for another bus.

Ok now I�m fucking pissed.

So no not only do I have to stand in that little shop and wait for another bus, but I got a twenty minute bus ride around town on top of that. As if this isn�t bad enough it took even longer for a new bus to come get me. Despite the driver calling in half way there so I wouldn�t have to wait so long for a new one.

After all that I finally got home, made a very tasty meal and relaxed for the rest of the night.

Thanksgiving morning I was up at an hour I normally only see because I stay up to that hour. This was highly strange to go to sleep while it�s dark out and wake up while it�s still dark out. Normally the only time this happens is when I beat the sun coming up and I end up sleeping so long the sun goes down before I get up.

Yes, I know, my sleep schedule is completely fucked.

Woke up, ground up and prepared a pot of coffee, popped the breakfast I prepared the night before in the oven, and washed up last night�s dishes. This has to be the most productive I�ve ever been five minutes out of the bed and before a cigarette. Holidays make me do strange things like over haul my apartment tell its so clean you�d think I don�t live here and get up super early in the morning to do shit like, well, normal people I guess.

We all know I�m not normal; I�m living with that fact everyday.

The �tradition� for my family is my mother, brother, and I all have Thanksgiving and Christmas day together. Simple, small, nice, and quiet holiday we spend together discussing politics, movies, and whatever else comes to mind.

First thing my brother says when he sees me, �I can�t believe someone just flat out gave you a computer.� Making note of Fernando here which, I�ve never really stated, I got for free. Well, the tower and the monitor, but I supplied all the cheap ass extras to it.

Another tradition we do every Thanksgiving and Christmas is play some kind of game, this years, Trivial Pursuit Genus 5. Now I don�t know exactly why I subject myself to playing this game with a mother and a brother who know more shit then I could ever conceive. I know a lot of trivial things, nothing trivia game worth while. So usually I end up getting my ass royally handed to me. And nothing changed about this year except for a couple side bets during the game.

See my brother, in a very joking manner, can be cocky while playing the game. A question posed to my mother, what movie Eugene McGregor prepared for by losing 30 pounds and shaving his head, and I knew the answer. My brother didn�t believe me so he bet me a dollar I wouldn�t get it right.

Train spotting, cha-ching hand over the dollar, sucka.

The other bet, can�t remember the question, was between my brother and my mother. Once again my brother iniated the bet and once again he lost a dollar bill. In the end he won the game by far. As he was gloating about being �the bestest, smartest person in the room!� in his joking �short bus� kind of way. I pointed out to him�

ME: Yes, you did win the game and you do have gloating rights for that, but here�s the thing. Though you have gloating rights, I have your dollar from the bet you lost. You have your gloating while I have more substantial winning. I�ll be thinking of you when I spend this dollar.

Brother: Yeah like you can get a lot with only a dollar.

ME: Well, I did get that computer over there for less then a dollar.

Shut him up double quick. Though what sent him running from the door tell Christmas time was me doing my own gloating dance which my mother joined in on me with.

Nothing makes for a strange holiday then ending it with your mother doing the Cabbage Patch in the kitchen.

Well that sums up my Thanksgiving, now all I need to do is get some lists and do the rest of my Christmas shopping.

Smack me hard if I start talking about pre-Christmas day shopping, I�ve lost all sense of logic then.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003