Did I suddenly find myself knee deep in an inheritance from a recently deceased relative that I never knew of, but they felt a need to give all there riches?

Gee that sounds pretty damn nice, but not in this life time.

Did I go through some life changing event that warped my entire world into something more befitting my dream life?

Doesn�t that only happen in movies and comic books?

Ok how about this one. One day, while I was minding my own business, some strange man came up to me and begins telling me about my life�s destiny. How I was born of immortal decent under the blood red moon to a prophecy older then time itself. A prophecy that dictates on my birth a cataclysmic war between the �heavens� and �hells� would acure on this primal plane of existence that will once and for all dictate what rules, good or evil.

Whoa hell! Lay of the crack and stop watching so much fuckin television people. I mean really.

Now are you ready for what major event happened to me in the past few days? Are you sure you got a good grip on your panties, ladies? Men, you got a death grip on your socks? And are you all sure you have your ass securely placed in your seats.

Ok, here it goes.

I got...CEILING FANS!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH

OH OH OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH

OH

*cough*

whoa

Ok so that isn�t all that exciting after all, but think of this. With those ceiling fans I can see a decrease in my gas bills as the fans softly push down the heat to floor level. Keeping my apartment at a nice, warmer level for longer periods of times.

AND during the summer I can place box fans in my windows pointing out. So the ceiling fans can keep the air in my apartment circulating as box fans blow out the hot, stale air and leave nothing but cool, refreshing air in my apartment even on the hottest days.

Oh ya, dog you know who�s got the mad skills. Raise a hand and slap me some skin!

Come on don�t leave me hanging like this!

Anyone�.come on��someone?

Ok so I�m probably the only one who gives a shit about this.

BUT!

Did I mention each ceiling fan comes with its own light fixture on the bottom? That now, with all this lighting, I can make my living room shine like its afternoon even at three in the morning!

Awww shit you know you can�t deny that!

Ok, maybe you can.

Eh fuck with my good mood will you.

Ok is it cool to say that my next door neighbor�s, Dragonhawke and Ex-Prego, kid creeps the fuck out of me?

No, it isn�t?

To bad, I just did.

Good god I don�t know what is up with Baby G, but that little guy anytime he is in the same room as me stares at me non-stop! Ex-Prego brings him over to my apartment to talk to me about something. He just sits in her arms and either leans back and stares at me, or crawls up on his momma�s shoulder so he can get a good gander at me.

I go over to there apartment it doesn�t matter what Baby G is doing. He will stop it right away because I�m there and it�s starring time!

Give you an example. I went over there to talk to Dragonhawke about a few things and there was Baby G sitting in his crib havin a good ol baby time! Bouncing around, staring at the television, while stomping and slamming anything in his crib that makes a noise.

I walk in and sit down on the couch and that kid immediately moves over to the corner and perches his baby butt for the reminder of my visit. Him being just tall enough to stare at me with those big, unblinking �you gotta love my baby ass� eyes.

And I swear for the entire time he stares at me he never blinks. Not once, not ever I swear.

Sure his little baby attention span will divert his attention to something shiny or loud for a short period of time, but within seconds BAM! His eyes are right back on me.

I don�t have a fucking clue why he does this every time he sees me. Ever since he became old enough to be aware of his surroundings he has always did this to me.

He doesn�t do it to anyone else. He doesn�t have the attention span to do anything else consistently as long as he does while staring at me. Everything else is fun for like thirty seconds then ah fuck it I think I see a box I can play with over there.

Me, nope that�s not happening. It�s like he is training for some new Olympic sport, stare down your opponent, and he�s declared me his trainer/manager.

And I know it doesn�t have anything to do with real familiarity with me. Not on a touch basis anyways since I�ve only held Baby G twice in his life. Once at the movie rental place while Ex-Prego was digging out her money and paying for the movies. Being my frist time I had not a clue how to hold him. So I did what felt naturally to me.

Hold him in the least uncomfortable way for him as I can while keeping him as far away from body contact with me as possible.

The kids a drooler from hell I�m telling you. That and I he felt like a live grenade in my hands. Never know at any second he could explode with liquidly baby puke or projectile shoot green baby poo at me that will forever taint this kid in my mind.

The second time I held him was not that long ago. Coco wasn�t feeling the greatest, but was baby sitting for them. So I decided to give him a little brake and grabbed Baby G and just sat him on my chest as I reclined back in my chair.

Ten minutes of that and the kid didn�t move a muscle. He just laid there with his head on my chest, face turned up at me, and starred at me unblinking the entire time.

I am completely baffled by this. Why he hasn�t gotten bored with it by now is beyond me.

I�m just hoping he remembers this shit when he is old enough to form coherent sentences.

Then I�ll willingly baby sit for them and spend the rest of the night with one of my bright ass lights pointed at Baby G till he coughs up why he would always stare at me.

At least I�m assuming by then he�ll be over this little trip.

Right?

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003