Yeah a general lack of funnies from me lately, but then again what do you expect.

But now my case is sort of nil and void since we are already head long into this war and bowling our way through our country while purposely avoiding towns just to avoid fights.

Um�confusion, aren�t we there to fight not just finally drive our tanks and fly our helicopters through hundreds of miles of desert?

I thought so too, but it�s kind of hard to tell.

Ok enough shit about the war. Let us move on to my regularly scheduled bitching interlaced with a joke or two that might not work.

It�s a formula that I�ve gotten some decent success from.

Not Dennis Miller kind of good since it�s a similar kind of formula. Then again I�m as well educated in five syllable words as I am about complex nuclear physics.

In that the only thing I know about that is how to pronounce nuclear.

Something that is obviously not a prerequisite to be the ruler of the free world. So it�s not like I�m completely lacking in job market skills then.

Well as I promised here is some bitching my long time readers are pretty used to.

My damn cable company sucks monkey�s ass.

I mentioned a few entries back�no you don�t have to go back and read it if you haven�t. Not really necessary because I�ll recap it for the extremely lazy.

Being one of them I know how much they appreciate it.

Basically I called my cable company�s eight hundred service line to talk to them about a digital cable/cable modem package. My next door neighbor Ex-Prego told me the price for that package wasn�t that far off from the price I�m paying for advanced cable and my modem now.

Sure enough according to the guy on the phone she was right. It was only a two dollar difference. Only he lead me to believe it was a two dollar difference between my bill right now.

See I have a three month deal where my cable modem is half off. After the three months my bill spikes up by twenty bucks.

He quoted specific prices to me. What my current bill is and what the package deal price would be. I specifically asked would the price go up at all at the end of this three month deal. He said, and I quote, �not unless the package deal�s price happens to rise.�

Yet when I went to the cable company�s office I was quoted a price for that package at roughly twenty more dollars then he told me it was. Garnishing strange looks from the cashier woman whose head was about as thoroughly attached to her spine as one of those bobble head dolls.

So I decided I�d call back that eight hundred number again later on and see what the deal with this is.

Well preoccupation and a shitty short term memory I didn�t get it done till yesterday. And sure enough the cashier was right about the package deal.

Now what that asshole who got my hopes up was talking about was a totally different package. One that if I switched to a digital cable/cable modem package I would get three months of twenty dollar off coupons to send in with my bills.

Ah so I guess the word coupon completely slipped this man�s mind at the time. That or he had a sudden case of laryngitis when he said �not unless the package deal�s price went up.� Seeing as he forgot to finish that thought with �after your three coupons, which I never mentioned once in this phone call, are done then it will go up.�

Ah so nice to know this�now.

You know instead of finding it out when I looked at my bill and saw it was actually twenty dollars more then it should be. So then I could call them up all irate and make myself look like an ass when I have to stop and say, �um�what coupons?�

So either I had one of the shittiest, in the disguise of very friendly and helpful, phone operators or that fucker just doesn�t have enough fun in his life and decided to play a practical joke on me.

Hardy har har�jack ass.

Speaking of people who suck lets move on to yet another monopoly in this town.

That would be the one and only video rental store in town.

Nice place once you get past the fact that if you don�t find what you want in the store there is absolutely nowhere else to go other then considerably outside of town to find it.

They even have a pretty nice deal going on. You flop down ten bucks and everything you rent for a month is half off.

Now if you rent a bunch of movies, or are one to rent game systems on occasion this is a pretty sweet deal.

That�s if one of the hotty brigade� remembers to put the fifty percent off club on your account two seconds after saying you want it.

If you are not catching my drift that would be me who has had that happen to him recently.

See I said fuck it like two weeks ago and decided to rend a Play Station 2 for five days. That�s a hefty sum of money in case you where wondering. Its twenty bucks for five days with one game.

Ok so as I said its ten bucks to get fifty percent off all rentals for ten bucks. I�m renting a system and a game for twenty bucks.

Well fuck I might as well get the fifty percent off club first then rent the system. I�m spending the same amount of money either way. Only if I do it this way I�ll also have half off everything for a month.

Yeah its pretty simple, straight forward, and workable logic. Easy enough that the hotty brigade� told me, and I quote, �yeah I was going to put the fifty percent off club on your account with this rental either way.� When I asked her about putting one on for me.

Hell you�d think I�m good to go right?

Well normally it would be like that, but I guess fate is a fickle wench who likes fucking with me on a regular basis.

I don�t know how she forgot, how she fucked it up, or if it was some cruel joke. It turns out there is no fifty percent off club on my account.

A fact I didn�t learn till later after telling my mom, who I put on my account to save her some money, that there was one on my account.

Of course all the movies she has rented rang up for full price and seeing as she is not one to rock the boat she paid the money.

Me on the other hand if I�m paying for the shit I will be getting my deal or I�m fucking up one those hotty brigade member�s manicures.

Trust me that is a threat they take pretty seriously. And if you have any sense of fashion you can threaten to openly slam there wardrobe and I think you can get a hummer out of the deal just to keep your mouth shut.

Well to cut this boring story short I gave them a call and everything is fixed up now.

But then again I can�t be too irate since if I want to rent anything I have no choice but to go there.

And its not like I can say screw you guys, I�ll wait till the movie shows up on a movie channel since the other monopoly in town thinks we are suckers made of cash.

Now if I was a man for conspiracy theories as someone mistook me for not to long ago I�d say these two where working together to screw over the general populous of this town.

Dare you flip out on either one of them your only choice for this kind of entertainment is go to the other company.

Pissed off a hotty brigade member and got yourself banned from the only rental place in town. Then either you have friends to rent shit for you or you switch to digital cable and get some movie channels and vice versa.

Not a very comforting thought when I put it that way.

So�I guess I�m going to have to be exceptionally nice when I�m being given it in the ass from either company because I love movies to much.

DAMN YOU MONOPOLIES!

Well now that things are a bit back to �normal� here. Its time I go out and have something exceptional strange that makes for a humorous anecdote happen to me.

It�s the least I can do for my audience.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003