That is being a very mobile sleeper and I would be one of those peoples.

For you normal people you might not understand this concept. This why I�m such a good friend to you because I�m willing to sit down and explain shit to you.

I�m so nice that way aren�t I?

See this is what happens when I sleep or so I�ve deduced. I mean I don�t literally know because well I�m sleeping when it happens, but I have my suspicions.

While I�m sleeping I�m either training for the Olympics or someone is waving a steak dinner over my nose while I�m sleeping and I just can�t reach it. Any explanation you give it breaks down to this. I seem to move around a lot in my sleep.

Now I know what you�re thinking, that�s not that big of a deal.

Oh maybe not if you just squirmed around a lot, but this is not the case. Oh no my friend we are talking big body flopping I think I�m either trapped in a spin cycle or mistaking my bed for a trampoline in my dreams.

Because of this every morning that I wake up my mattress, on average, is one to two feet off the box spring.

Now before I go any further let me clear up something. Give you an idea of my bed situation so you can fully visualize what I�m talking about.

See my bedroom isn�t all that big. Having a big bed in a smaller bedroom is somewhat of an inconvenience. As if that isn�t bad enough I, as I have mentioned several times, use my bedroom as the only closet in my entire apartment.

So we are talking about a small, cramped little space. Not much room for maneuvering around in.

Because of this I have one side of my bed pressed against the wall and the head pressed against the adjacent wall. On the other side of my bed you got like one to two foot clearance then you got my night stand which used to be the top half of a computer desk. At the foot of the bed is where all the boxes and crap are packed so there isn�t much room there to move anything.

So my bed really only has one direction to move and that�s towards my night stand/computer desktop.

The thing is some times I misjudge how big that gap should be in comparison to what it is.

Sound a bit confusing?

How about I clear this up like this. See just the other day I did mistake how big that gap should be in comparison to what it should be. Meaning my mattress was pushed over, thanks to my mobile sleeping, so much that it was part way off the box spring and just hanging over that gap. There is nothing between the floor and the part of my mattress that is hanging off the edge but a lot of empty space.

This is something that would be been good to realize before I tried lying down. Or more to the point doing my take a slight leap in the air, do a twist in the air, and land on my back kind of flop into my bed.

So I do this right on the far edge of the mattress realizing, as I�m sinking in, just how far over the mattress is.

The only thing that kept me from getting completely wedged into the space between my bed and my night stand is my cat like reflexes and lighting fast maneuvering like the kung fu master that I am.

Ok, ok I realize you don�t believe that shit about the cat like reflexes. So maybe you�ll believe it was me making a little yelping scream surprisingly girlish like as I flayed desperately till I caught the other side of the mattress and clinged onto for dear life.

Not one of my prouder moments, but at least I wasn�t trapped there till someone finally heard my desperate pleas for help.

Now if this isn�t bad enough there is worse case scenarios I face more frequently then this. Only in this case I�m sleeping when it happens.

Some nights I�m even worse for flaying around in my sleep then as per usual. So much I can get the mattress moved over so much its rammed up against the night stand.

This creates a fairly large gap between the wall and the top of the mattress. A gap that I find my body feels compelled to come to it. Like it�s filled with naked sex goddesses and tons of Chinese food and steak fajitas.

So I�ll be sleeping soundly, lost in some fucked up dream, and in a state of complete blissful ignorance. Only to have it interrupted when I roll over and proceed to sink several feet down till I�m caught.

You would not believe how many times I�ve done this in my sleep. I�d say, but its happened so much that even I can�t keep track of that large of a number.

And worse case scenario is when this happens in the winter. Seeing as that wall happens to be the wall between me and the outside world. Not only that, but it�s covered by wood paneling. So we are talking about an exceptionally cold wall when it�s the middle of the winter.

And let�s just say I have enough exposed flesh when I sleep that when I do fall into that this crevice I created we are talking about a very cold wake up call.

If I�m lucky I�ve only moved over the top mattress so I�m not that far down into the crevices and I can quickly pull myself out of it and away from the wall.

But you all know me that kind of luck is few and far between. I�m more likely to have the kind of luck that moves both mattresses over so that I have enough room to sink a good four feet down right on top of the box spring.

I then sink down so damn far that I can�t even pull myself out of the crack. That�s usually when I wave a hand, say fuck it, and just go back to sleep safely caught in between my bed and my wall.

You know I�m not even safe when I�m sleeping from my very clumsy nature. In fact I think I�m more susceptible for crap to happen to me since I�m unaware of the world around me.

Maybe bisa is right that I�m about as graceful as an elephant with four left feet.

I�m certainly not helping my case any.

I�ve come up with a new, interesting theory. And of course I�m going to share it all with you.

Don�t want to deprive you of the inner workings of my brain.

You know how in news broadcasts you�ll see outrageous personal stories. Like that guy who cut off his own arm with a pocket knife. Or some random baby gets trapped in a well. Any kind of story of that nature.

Now what if these stories are told because television and movie writers slip news broadcasters a little money under the table to show it. You know to test out the story line on an unsuspecting audience.

If the stories pan out good enough with television watchers then maybe said plot gets turned into a TV movie.

Like here are a few examples.

Example 1

Man gets willingly attacked by a vicious bear to give his family enough time to get away.

Well we got a family orientated film hero intermingled with some gore and heroism. Oh it�s a big hit with the television audience so lets make it a two our special in the Family Network.

Example 2

Woman courageously fends of vicious husband from a severe beating and kills him in the process.

Shit we got ourselves a gold mine here people! Someone call up the Lifetime channel we got them there sweep�s week story right here!

Example 3

Man trapped in the woods and forced to do impromptu testicular surgery on himself to keep from dying by a contorted testicle.

Oh good lord! No we can�t make a movie out of this how the hell are we going to film that scene! Anyways I could hear every man across the globe groan in sympathy pain over this one. We are talking about a bomb on our hands people! So pitch the idea to the Fox network because after all they need filler between there reality shows.

Example 4

Man manages to get himself trapped for over fourteen hours between his mattress and his wall.

Well�..anyone know if that show �Funniest Home Videos� is still on the air?

See�not to far fetched of an idea is it.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003