Whoa.

Have I had a long ass day with a lot of things to talk about on here! So many things I�m breaking it up into two entries. I figure I blather on long enough about just one subject anyways I better break it up so I have material to work with over the next few days. Plus if I did it all at once I�d probably lose about 90% of all my reader�s interest anyways.

So�breaking this shit up into two entries and starting off with what I think makes the most interesting story.

Mind you what I start with is actually the last ten minutes of a six hour drive so things might seem out of sync in the next entry with this entry. There is a good reason for that�they are out of sync. I�m completely fucking the time frame for this because quite frankly I�m starting off with what I call my strongest material.

On the way back from the long day I was quickly realizing one thing. I was getting god damn hungry! I mean the kind of hungry your stomach just can�t wait for something to be defrosted and cooked. So I decided to stop by KFC and pick up one of there three chicken strip meal deals for four bucks.

I figured that would be enough and if I was really hungry later I could cook up something small like a thing of rice or something.

Oh and before I forget to mention I was in the car with Ex-Prego and Baby G after heading up north to check out new apartments for them.

So I figured it would be best I mention this now before I forget then get into the story and mention what Ex-Prego did without you knowing she was even there in the first place. So, you know, we have some kind of cohesion going on with the story that doesn�t leave you baffled as per usual on here.

Anyway we are sitting in the drive through of KFC waiting for my order to come up. I look up in the window and see the have new pocket pies there and the look damn familiar.

Then I think back to the glory days of McDonalds when shit came in non-biodegradable packages. When healthy food was for free loving hippies and power brokers. Back in the day when McDonald�s apple pie�s where deep fat fried bubbly goodness.

I looked at that poster in the window and I could swear they looked just like the old ass McDonald�s apple pies. So this of course sparks my interest because those pies where the shit back �in the day.�

Now what catches my attention even further is the fact these most delicious and holy unhealthy looking pies are only two for a dollar.

Two for a fucking dollar at a god damn fast food restaurant! Places known to not sell anything for less then a dollar and consider that to be there bargain price.

Ok so I�m seeing a blast from the past sitting right here only in a completely different fast food restaurant. Not only that they are telling me I can get a couple of these bad boys with the change in my pocket!

Shit this is way too good to be true. They must have each one of them filled with something that tastes like hot, putrid ass juice. This is the only way I can see them selling them for such a cheap price.

Yet I couldn�t resist picking up a couple just in case. Hell it�s not like it is going to bankrupt me if I pick up a pie for Ex-Prego and me.

So as we are cruising back to our apartment building I�m checking out these pies for �authenticity.� See how close they look to the image on the poster and how close they resemble my memory of old school McDonald�s apple pies.

Within seconds of my visual inspection of the pies they most definitely look like the old McD�s. Only these ones are much bubblier on top then the McDonald�s ones.

So much that it reminded me of another great love of my life�

BUBBLE WRAP!

Oh sweet Jesus this can�t be so! I�ve found heaven in an edible package smaller then my god damn television remote control. First off you got the glorious fun of popping the little bubbles that have there own unique, deep fat fried sound to each pop. Then, as if that wasn�t enough to make you spray a bit of happy juice in your pants. Then you get to eat this concoction of culinary, calorific cuisine!

Say that five times fast�I dare ya.

Ah but it still needs to pass one last test. The most important test of them all! And that would be the taste test. Does it in fact taste as it looks, the old ass McD�s apple pies or does it taste like hot, putrid ass juice?

Only one way to find out�Ex-Prego�you take the first bite.

Ok I�m kidding I didn�t make her my official taste tester in this. She was to busy driving and I was to busy drooling over my bubble wrap like food.

So I bite into it and familiarity and nostalgia flows back to me in a river white hot magma.

Oh lord it�s the apple flavored lava of old days!

Its official this thing is the old school McDonald�s apple pies right down the taste, texture, and third degree burns on my lips and tongue.

And that�s when I realized�

TODAY! *insert cathedral like echo*

I have found the official food of my future bubble wrap kingdom!!

That�s right I have figured out what I will be doing with my other hand as I smite my enemy with my bubble wrapped iron fist. I shall be mowing down on the official food of my kingdom aka the food of the gods!

This I do decree is a great leap in the process of my world dominating kingdom! A kingdom where I will sleep on a bed of bubble wrap and dive into a pool filled with even more bubble wrap so I may rejoice in the sounds of millions of tiny plastic air bubbles popping at once!!!

MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

Ugh�there is a slight draw back to my plan actually now that I think about it.

See I don�t think it will be so easy to rule the world when all my disciples are grotesquely obese and have had there blood streams replaced with the apple flavored magma goodness do to the excessive eating of my official kingdom�s food.

Damn there is always a flaw in my evil plans I swear.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003