The Princess Bride

*applause sign flashes*

And welcome once again to the show that has flash, it has pizzazz, it is.....

Q & A OF THE TRULY LAME

*applause sign flashes wildly*

and would you all give a warm welcome to your host, and one heck of a guy........RICHARD HURTZ

*applause, applause, applause, a few cat calls as a short dumpy man comes out in a lime green leisure suit and a big game show grin*

Yes yes thank you thank you....and Ed ...remember you can call me Mr. Dick instead of Richard.

*fake laugh track*

And welcome to you all once again to Q & A of the truly lame. Today's extra special guest is a man you all know and love. A resident of the town that hell forgot, and straight off his "The world sucks my hairy nut sack" world tour...

give a big round of applause to....

CHROME MAGNUM MAN

*applause applause, applause, a few women through there panties up on the stage. Chrome walks out on the stage waving to everybody, flipping them off on occasion then bending over to show his white ass to them all before being seated*

CHROME: Thank you for having me Dick Head

DICK HURTZ: Its Dick Hurtz Mr. Chrome.

CHROME: Yeah whatever Dick Spurtz, I'm a busy man so lets make this quick slappy.

*fake laugh track*

DICK HURTZ: Well lets start off with congratulating you on your world tour. We have a record breaking total here of at least fifteen people coming to the tour. Now isn't that just

amazing people.

*Shocked round of appreciative applause*

CHROME: Yes, thank you. I can not take complete credit for all those people. The majority of them came with the belief it was a Menuedo reunion tour.

*fake laugh track*

DICK HURTZ: Aren't you just the funny man today. You have my sides aching already!

CHROME: Yeah whatever Dick Slapper, make with the questions before I cock slap you into next Wensday.

*shocked gasp from the audience*

DICK HURTZ: Already then! Well lets start off with how old are you exactly.

CHROME: Old enough to know better, but young enough to still not really give a shit.

*A moment of silence as the audience struggles to figure that one out.*

DICK HURTZ: Are you currently seeing anybody at the time.

CHROME: Well I can see you and the audience *gives him a strange look*. No, now to be more serious, I am seeing someone. Dr. Jacme Psychologist extrodenere. She recommends highly I fight the urge to randomly kill annoying game show hosts and the occasional boy band. Says it don't look good on my press release.

*fake laugh track with the mandatory �I WANT YOUR BODY!� called out by some desperate woman*

DICK HURTZ: If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be.

CHROME: Well thats easy, I would be Uncle Booby, cause I always wanted a big boobed wife and a dog that smells like ass. That or I would be Keanu Reeves.....whatever gets me laid the most.

*The audience begins chanting TED, TED, TED until security runs out and clubs them all like baby seals*

DICK HURTZ: If you could kill anybody in the world, who would it be.

CHROME: I would defiantly bump off Ms. Cleo. Then maybe she will stop calling me to ask if I would please fuck her up the ass tell she screams "CALL ME NOW BIG BOY!"

*A few women gasp then faint while even more through there phone numbers at Chrome while mouthing the words �CALL ME�*

DICK HURTZ: If there is one thing you would change about the world, what would it be.

CHROME: Funny that you mentioned that. I was just discussing this with your wife when I had her bent over your kitchen table while giving it to her red shoes diary style. I would change the name of the Hooters restraunt to Big Tits and Chicken Wings. Stop living the lie folks, thats the only reason why people go there.

DICK HURTZ: What is the worst movie you have ever seen.

CHROME: Doom Generation with Rose McGowin. This flaming pile of shit is filled with more clich�s, bad movie effects, and the worst dialogue and acting I have ever seen. If I ever see another movie with a guy licking his own splooge off his hand again, it will be to soon. This movie made The Bare Wench Project and Orgasmo look like master pieces, well maybe not that, more like don�t suck big donkey dick bad. I would sit through a Ernest goes to movie marathon before I watch Doom Generation again.

DICK HURTZ: What would you do if you where trapped in a room with Jessica Alba, Denise Richards, and Tera Reed with a box of lubricants and various sex toys for 24 hours.

CHROME: Well thats an easy one, play Dream Date while we do each others hair and discuss who we think is cute and who is not. WHAT DO YOU THINK I WOULD DO CRACK

HEAD!!!

DICK HURTZ: If you had a television show, what would it be about.

CHROME: It would be a sitcom called �Everybody loves Charles Manson�. It would be all about his quirky friends, Ted Bundy and Son of Sam, and there wacky misadventures. I figure a guest appearance would be that dog from Frasier would tell the Son of Sam to go out back and kill the turkey, btw it starts off a holiday show for the kids, and he mistakenly goes out and kills the entire country of Turkey. Oh the laughs we would have.

DICK HURTZ: Well, its been great having you here, and I hope you will come back real soon.

CHROME: Well, I would say its been fun Dick Wartz, but then I would lying. Do me a favor and lose my number.

he he....so as you can see I got bored and nothing interesting has been happening lately. Well, nothing interesting I care to write about that is.

LATER

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003