"Well at my best guess, he had a massive heart attack while masturbating in the bathroom. My only question is, how did he get that magazine?"

"Well I gave it to him." Looks around at the dumb founded faces staring at him. "What, he asked for it."

"What kind of a store do you run here?"

Conversation between Dante and female cop, Clerks

So for the last fifteen years of my life I have been friends and aquintances with people who have developed a preaty serious party mentality. I have watched as people have anestisized themselves with all forms of alchol and drugs. When I was younger, it was all about having a good time, of letting go and just flowing with the fun. Now there have been times where I have have fallen in with that party all the time mentality, but I usually get sick of it real fast. Now the older I get the more sick of it I get. I watch people seek out alchol and drugs as if they can not possibly live if they don't find one or the other. Watching them destroy there lives, relationships, there futures to dull the pain of life. Escapism at its worse, an excuse to let go of all the things that frustrate and stress them out. Now I am all for escapism, a big supporter of the concept. But I find that if you can only escape reality with drugs and alchol, then I truelly feel sorry for you. When you become depedent on drinking every day, of losing control because the responsiblity of life is to overwhelming, you have a real problem. I see my closest friends drink themselves stupid on a very frequent basis. Some drinking so often, I start forgetting what they are like when they are sober. Living this life of self denial, that as long as they are drunk, stoned, tripping or what ever. That things will be ok, but doing this they complicate things further. Ignore what they are doing to the people around them. Doing stupid shit, like stealing, decieving, hurting the ones they love. I can no longer stand all the fucking hang ups and bullshit that comes with getting drunk. I can no longer stand watching people let it rule there lives. But how do you fix those who would rather stay broken.

All of mankind seeks one thing above all else, some form of hapiness in the moment. But for the majority of us, deep down inside we seek self destruction more then happiness. That being happy is an illusion and that the only way to not feel the numb within is to suffer in life. There nothing else in life we have this mentality. You don't pick up a new playstation, or book, or whatever else interst you have. You don't get it for yourself then destroy it. Why is it we feel the need to do this. Why do we feel the need to destroy ourselves and everything around us. As a whole we neglect our surroundings, ignore the signs that all point to the advious. From abusing drugs and alchol, to abusing our loved ones, abusing the planet itself. Is it written in our genitic coding? Are we born to create and destroy with equal measure. The signs are all around us, all through out time we seek to form a nitch in the world just so someone else can destroy it. Some times its like the phoenix rising fromt the flames to its rebirth. But the majority of the time it is like war, seeking to destroy our opposition with little care of what we trample over in the process. Life is but the fire which we burn, and some of us are only satisfied tell they are burned to a char. Personally I like to have a higher ideal of life, practically beg for it at times. But sometimes the reality of our exsitence is a bit to much.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003