Beavis, Beavis and Butthead

I have the fucking wierdest bad luck. You know the kind of shitty things that happened but in retrospect *or to those around me at the time* its preaty fucking funny. Now as proof of this shit for luck I am going to tell you what happened to me tonight. I set my hand on fire!!! Thats right kiddies, I actually set my god damn hand on fire and I wasn't even drunk or stoned.

Well I was watching The Shinning *the orginal* with some friends earlier. My zippo ran out of fluid and no one could manage to find any working diposables. Well after a little bit of searching, I found my lighter fluid. I sat down and proceeded to start filling it up. Well between watching the movie and talking shit with my friends. I didn't notice the lighter fluid splash on my hand and over the outside of the lighter. So I go to light it up and KABOOM!!! The whole lighter bursts into a giant ball of flame in my left hand. Well I had my right hand cupped near it so the fan didn't shoot the flame into my hand. Then my fingers on my right hand went up in a huge ball of flame. I FUCKING FREAKED!!!! I started waving my hands around like a fucking idiot, but since it was fluid that was on fire, that didn't do anything but give a neat light show. So I started slapping my right hand on the chair to put it out. Well I finally put my hand out, but managed to drop the lighter on the ground, still aflame. Well all of a sudden my can of lighter fluid slipped out of my lap and landed right on top of the flaming lighter. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!! So I stand up and kick the fluid across the room. Stomped the lighter a few times which didn't put it out. Then picked it up and bounced it from one hand to the other running to my bathroom sink to run water over it to put it out. I couldn't hold it long enough to shut it closed, plus the fucker was white hot. Now this is part of the story where I tell you about the water preasure problems I have been having in the bathroom. So I turned the sink on full blast and I get a stream of water so puny I could of pissed on the lighter and been more effective. So I was forced to splash tiny amounts of water until the flame went out. Thats about time I noticed the pain in my hands. I was amazed on how little damage there was, but it still stung like a mother fucker. So I ran to my kitchen sink and ran my hands under cold water. Then rubbing alchol and bactine on my fingers then bandaged the worst of my fingers. As of count, two of my fingers on my right hand are banaged up, and my whole left thumb is bandaged up. Pluss a few dozen other tiny spots on my hands are stinging like a bitch. So when I am all done with this, and since there isn't any serious damage. My friend I was talking to burst out in fucking laughter. His face turned britght red, tears streaming down his face, and choking on his own laughter *choke you fucking bastard! CHOKE!* It seems when my hands came aflame. I looked over at him and gave him this *in his own words* "freaked out helpless puppy dog look" *fucking asshole*. So this is my applicaton for "biggest dumbass on the face of the planet" award. Its bad enough that I set myself on fire, but I managed to drop the lighter fluid bottle on top of a flaming lighter. Man some one stop me before my wierd ass bad luck hurts somebody other then me.

LATER

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003