anonymos

Well it seems the umpa loompas at the base of my spine have finally stopped drilling for gold.

Thats me trying to be funny saying my back isn't trying to make me whimper like a little school girl anymore. The pain, has slowly faded to something a bit more bareable but still makes me feel wholey unflexable, which is such a hoot to get up to in the morning.

Imagine if you will....try not to cause it might burn your corneas out of your head.

Imagine if you will, me with my long hair akimbo, making me look something like a cross between Alfred Einstien and Buck Wheat off of Little Rascals, only not as inteligent or trend setting looking. Since esentially my bedroom doubles as a closet, there is very little room to manuever in there. So in order to climb out of bed, I have to slide down the length of it to push myself up from the lower right hand corner of the bed, right in front of the door, which is the only spot in the entire room that you can see the floor.

I have been contemplating rearanging the room and neatly stacking everything in boxes and crates to better utilize my space efficently.

But then again I'm a lazy fucker with a bad back and a pension for procrastination.

So...eh, fuck it. Not like anyone else is going to see it.

So there I am, slidding along the top of my two matresses and a box spring on the floor, pushing myself standing up while cringing in pain. Since my back feels like someone shoved a steel bar up the middle of my spine, I can't bend over to grab my pants to slip them on.

Oh, how they would laugh if they could see me try and accomplish this little task.

As for who "they" are, I have no clue, just felt like particapating in a little paranoid schizophrenia for a second there and create a faceless, nameless "they".

but anyways....

So I have to manuever around, bending down while leaning against the wall, the entire time unable to bend my back in the least bit. My hand blindly searching around underneath me for those pair of dasterly pants that elude my grasp as I hold my breath in hopes to cut down on the pain just a tad bit.

Well, I have managed to write in this diary so far nothing but how my back works and my adventures of trying to get my pants on.

Either I'm more boring then I ever thought, or I'm a senior citzen trapped in the body of a 26 year old.

I'm thinking its both, especially since my Depends diaper is full and I'm waiting for that damn orderly to come around and change my diaper and wipe my ass.

Damn whipper snappers.

Though, on the bright side, my back pain, my problems with getting my pants on, and my mind thinking of half naked woman in lingirie 24/7 has lead me to a new invention idea.

Bed time suspenders for pants.

Ok, these are a bit different from the classic suspenders you can wear with your pants. One end of it would be atttached to a device on your ceiling, while the other hand hangs losely for you to clip them on to the tops of your pants. Once the patented pant clips(TM) are locked in place, you push a button on the remote control and the suspenders ease your pants to the floor for easy step in and out of them. When you wake up the next morning, all you have to do is step back in the leg holes, push another button on the remote control, and presto, the suspenders pull your pants up for you!!!

Preaty nifty aint it.

Yeah, I didn't think so either.

My balls have a real big complaint about this since if I get the tension on the suspenders wrong, or something goes hay wire in the machinery, the suspenders will probably pull up so tight that they will be firmly wedged into my arm pits as the crotch of my pants tries squishing my balls into pancakes.

Wait, I'm starting to think someone already invented this device.

It would DEFINETLY explain what the fuck was wrong with that guy who played Steve Urkel.

Damn, another idea perfectly down the tubes JUST because someone invented before me.

Its kind of like when I came up with this idea for soft paper to be produced in tiny squares that are attached losely in order for you to easly seperate the squares. The soft, but plyable, sheets of paper would then be used for removal of excrement from your most tender areas on your body.

Of course, some time later I realized someone had already invented toilet paper.

Boy, was my face red.

The can of red spray paint that blew up in my face probably didn't help my color much either.

Of course, once I learned that toilet paper was already invented, it sort of put the kibosh on my next invention... indoor plumbing.

Man, I would have made a FORTUNE off that! I would be so rich I could afford to pay to have my obscenly white ass kissed by Bill Gates everytime I get a "this computer has created a illegal operation" or "this computer has had a fatal error". Then, I would kick him the balls repeatedly tell he told me why his OS can suck so much dick but still not be enjoyable.

But, I still have a few inventions rolling around in this empty shell I call a head that I think will still make me my first billion dollars.

Check this out...

Its a simple idea in form. Easily made with many different forms of materials from plastic to silver to as simple as illuminum. Its all one piece with a long handle for you to be able to grip tightly in your hand, at the end of this handle will be three to four little metal extensions that taper off to a point in order for you to spear your food with.

I'm thinking of calling it a fork, or maybe the ass poker on those days I feel a bit frisky.

I'm telling you this is going to be HUGE, HUGE I say.

I'm going to be rich damn it, filthy fucking rich!!!

BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Huh!?

What do you mean someone already invented the fork!?!?

Well fuck me up the goat ass.

Damn

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003