"Oh yeah thats right, logic and you is like peanut butter and steak, just not meant to go together."

Random Conversation

Well today is the offical day that I have chosen to quit smoking.

It wasn't a hard decision to come to, mostly because I know after this holiday extravaganza, I would be to damn poor to even keep smoking.

Yep, noble reasons to quit isn't it, cause I can't afford anymore right now.

About half way through December I realized my supply of tobbacco and tubes just wasn't going to make it through to the next time I get a check. So, I decided its a good time to quit then, just smoke what I have left, then stop smoking all together, don't bother to pick up anymore tobbacco when my next check arrives.

So, its all gone, been gone for about a day and a half now.

And......

I WANT A CIGARETTE REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW!!

wheres that god damn ash tray...

*picking through the butts for choice ones, choking down a few stale hits here and there.*

Yes, I'm pathetic that way, but I don't know that many smokers who haven't picked through an ash tray during hard times.

Oh god it all seemed easy when I was still fucking smoking, of course it did. I could think logically then, when the nicotene goodness was still pumping through my veins and the smoke rolling from my lips.

Yeah, I'm going to quit cold turkey, this will be good for in the long run, make me a lot healthier.

The nicotene fix freak of me today wants to severly kick the ass of the ignorant "cold turkey" theory me of yesterday.

I want to build a time machine just so I can go back a week or so and kick myself in the nuts.

What the fuck was I thinking of quiting cold turkey, my god I was fucking insane to think that was a "good" way to quit.

Sure I'm dirt poor right now, so going out to get some more tobbacco is preaty tough without scrounging up pennies, digging in the couch for loose change, collecting pop and beer bottles around the house, and maybe seeing if I can sell off a few things I no longer care for.

Yep, this plan is working out rrrrreaaaaallllll good.

If you want to look for me at the store, just look for the long hair freak who can't stop fidgeting and is clutching a huge bag of change in one hand, and a shopping cart of pop bottles in the other.

As you might be able to guess, I'm starting to quiestion the validity of quiting right now.

Deep down I do want to quit, especially since if its going to be this hard to quit, all its going to do is make it harder to quit later. And of course health issues I worry about, I may decide to quit a bit to late. My father nearly did decide to late. Took three heart attacks and dieing for thirty seconds in the emergency room all in one day just to get him to quit smoking.

Of course, he had been smoking for roughly fourty years by then and I'm on my third year of smoking.

But still, thats no excuse why to keep on smoking.

As much as I would like to quit, I can feel my will power weakening, which could inevitably lead to me smoking again.

Yeah, pathetic, but I haven't given up hope completely.

Its late at night now, and with no car and practically nothing open within a mile or two of me, I'm preaty safe for now. If I can just make it through the rest of the night, hopefully the fits will calm down a bit more the longer on I go with this.

And maybe, just maybe I won't get all weak and go out to buy some tobbacco.

But then again, I'm not holding my breath on that one.

Then again I really couldn't hold my breath anyways since smoking has given me the lung capacity of a three year old bubble boy.

Well one day at a fucking time right!!

Sorry, I'm iritable right now... if you haven't noticed.

Actually, strike that last sentence, I seem iritable all the time in here. So now I'm iritable AND going through nicotene fits.

Would partially explain my last entry.

Its not good to fuck with the emotions of a already iritable man when he has just quit smoking THAT DAY!!!

Ok, need to go find another, more healthy, addiction to cling onto while fighting this current addiction.

I don't know, what do you think people, should I develope an addiction for exercise, clean living, and motivating myself to a better me?

Yeah I thought so too, aint going to happen.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003