"Play some rap music."

The Last Boy Scout

"Hey Chrome, how you doing?"

"Well buddy, let me tell you. I keep spiraling further and further down into something I can only call insanity as I further hermitize myself from the rest of the world. Somedays I'm just fine, but most days I don't know if I want to weep or pull at the hair in my head while screaming in frustration. My head is so cluttered with so many thoughts and worries that I ache, plead, and beg to be out of my head and away from this thing I call my life. I sometimes wonder if there something wrong with me, I mean something really wrong that is only curable with a rainbow of anti-psychotics and a lifetime of therapy. I want to be remain a stable, good person at heart, but all the hipocrits and liers in the world gets me contemplating how quick I can my hands on a high power rifle, thousands of rounds of ammo, and some high ground to pick off all the assholes to deliever a little bit of justice this world so desperately needs. Thanks for askin, how you doin."

Just once I would like to say this, just to fuck with the tedium of the "doing fine" come back.

Of course, any person I would say this to would imediately back away from me while giving me that, "you must be insane" look.

I get that look a lot.

Right now I have so many things going on in my head I don't even know how to clarify all of it. I keep flucuating from extremely frusterated, my mind such a jumble of thoughts that I'm begging for a few moments out of my head, to an overwhelming depression that threatens to consume my whole being, leaving me quiestion my life and how it is going and am I worthy of being with anyone and yadda yadda yadda...

You can figure out the rest of that.

One of things that bothers me is that I can't seem to talk to anyone about this. Either there to consumed with there own life, to busy waiting for me to stop talking so they can say whats in there head, or they just don't seem to give a damn and are just faking listening to me. Geting that look in there face, knowing that they really aren't listening to your problems, but thinking how they have the same problems but here is how it is worse for them.

Listen, don't want to sound self centered here, but I listen to a lot of people's problems, I actually hear them not think about what I'm going to say when you shut your mouth. I do my best to help where I can, give advice I think might help to people who actually want help and are not just whinning about there problems or seeking sympathy.

Is it to much to ask that just on the rare occasion I can find someone to actually hear my words not just listen to them.

And whats the worse part of this for me, the people who care most about this I really hate burdening them with my problems. I feel like a self centered whiner, to hung up on myself. I know the ones who would listen, have there own problems and I don't want to add to them, I want to help them instead.

So I keep them tucked inside me, not wanting to burden the ones who care with my problems, not wanting to waste my time with the ones who don't give a shit.

Which then builds up inside me tell I reach a point like I am at now.....feeling overwhelmed inside, but feeling like I have no where to turn to.

Its a vicous cycle I'm telling you.

So, any of you seen this new Sam Adams comercial yet?

Just in case you haven't, let me give you a quick recap on it.

The setting, a bedroom. A couple are kissing away when the woman stops him and says, "I have something I have to tell you." It turns out the woman was a man, but had the surgery done to beome a woman. He doesn't believe her, so she points out here adam's apple to him. In confusion, he turns away and takes a long drink of his Sam Adams beer.

"Ah, that was some good beer. Now what where we talking about."

Well she*ex-he* just smiles and lays down with hin and continues smooching away with him.

Its a good thing I keep a roll of duct tape handy cause I laughed my freakin balls of watching this comercial.

I have to admit I never thought a comercial would touch on such a subject, and I do think the did it very creatively. Now comercialism can get on my last nerve, but if you can make it funny, then I actually like it. Now it doesn't mean I'm going to buy said product, but I sure as shit apreciate you giving me a chuckle or two.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003