You see this guy right here.

You can call him coco like I do everytime I mention him in this diary.

Now here is the favor I'm going to ask. If at ANY time I mention letting him rent movies on his own EVER again, just go ahead and kick me in the jimmy. Put your entire weight in that kick. I'm telling you, I'd much preffer to spend two hours curled up in a fetal position, whimpering like a little girly man rather then to watch one of his choices of movies.

You see, Coco prides himself as a fan of b-rated horror movies. Or as I call them, what hell would look like on VHS or DVD format.

Any time we have a night of movies and he goes on his own to pick out the movies, he will look for some real shitty b-rated horror film and bring it back with. Sort of like your child brining home wayward homeless crack addicts and asking if he could sleep on the couch for a night.

Some past exploints of his horrible taste in b-rated horror films are....

Python - a film about a giant python on a rampage, killing people with its monstrous fangs and horrible plot. About the only redeming aspect of this film is seeing Eric Estrada playing a stereo typed gay hair dresser. I'm telling you, you know you've seen to much in this world when you have seen Ponch from C.H.I.P.S. try and potray a gay man with conviction.

Kamodo - a film about giant kamodo dragons, you guessed it, rampaging and killing people. Apparently the budget was so low on this, they couldn't even afford to pay for a decent lighting system. But does this keep them from filming the majority of the film during the night? Oh hell no they didn't. Which, I must say, was the only saving grace to this plot.

There are a bunch more horrible b-rated horror film movies he has subjected me to in the past. Thankfully my subconscience has finally kicked in and has suppressed the memory of all those other films.

So I get a call from him tonight asking if I want to get together and rent some movies tonight. Well, I'm going to be to busy running around paying off some bills and going grocery shopping to stop and pick up some movies, but come on over anyways.

Around eight o'clock tonight he comes swaggering in my place. And, he seems to be cluthcing something in his hand. I do believe....thats......thats video tapes.

uh oh

First movie, Pitch Black. Ok, phew, thats at least a good movie even if I'm not in the mood for it. Wait, whats the other film you have there?

I'm warning little children and those of you with weak of hearts to turn away from this....

BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT!!

*sits there starring at the reader. Eyes wide in a sad puppy dog look, briming with tears. Lower lip quivering uncontrollably as i have this lost look on my face. Holds up a giant white sign with a tiny "help" written on it*

Oh the humanity.

So, I decide to let him watch the movie while I'm cooking, but i warn him if the movie is as horrible as I think its going to be, then off it goes. I hand him the remote control and let him start up the movie.

I'm somewhat trying to watch this film, but find I can only take thirty seconds before I want to put my foot through my television screen. So instead I'm trying to think of ways to distract myself from watching this movie. I'm getting desperate here as it just gets worse and worse. I even made up a little jingle in my head that deals with this movie.

ahem

Ok, not exactly a master piece here, but at least its better then the movie.

After a point he asks me where the counter button is on my remote control, he wants to know how far into it we have gotten.

ME: Here, let me see the remote control.

So I'm looking on it, acting as if I'm looking for the counter button on it. When in actuality, I'm looking for the stop button.

*click*

Coco: Heyyyyyyyyyyy

So to sum this all up. If I ever again even THINK about letting Coco rent movies unsupervised, you have my permission to just plant your foot in my goody sack.

I had a brief conversation with my mom today. Some how the conversation lead to her telling me about a fifties kids television show called Andy Devine she remembered watching when she was a youngster.

She told me a line they used to say often on the show that had me laughing my god damn balls off.

And I shit you not, this is EXACTLY what she said they would say on the show...

Pluck your magic twanger, Froggy.

Holy christ I'm thinking I need to find copies of old fifties children television shows. With all that innocence and naivity, I'm thinking there is just hours upon hours of untapped resources for today's smart asses.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003