I mean come on, how often do you get a chance to play God. I mean sure there where the times as a kid you decided the lives of an ant colony with the soul of your shoe or a magnifying lenses. Then there was the time you where fed peeled grapes by the twenty most beautiful woman in the nation while ruling legions of loyal followers willing to impale themselves on the swords of your enemies in your name.

What, just me?

Anyways�

Friday I received a phone call I have been waiting anxiously for.

�Sir, your computer is working and ready to be picked up anytime before six o�clock.�

Oh hell yeah, Fernando is up and running! Finally I�ll be able to step out of the stone age of technology and step into what will be, if not already, the equivalent of 19th century technology.

A definite huge step for me, but the computer world is a fast paced business as we have all come to realize. Right now everyone�s creaming there jeans over 2GIG processors, but in about a year nerds will be scoffing you if you have anything under light speed technology.

Damn those nerds. Can�t just let a man be, can they.

Since I had money invested in other places it was kind of tight for me to pay for the repairs and a bus there and back. And when I say �money invested in other places� what I really mean is �I�m one poor mother fucker�. And when I say �kind of tight� what I really mean is �damn good thing I got all these pennies�.

Now that I�ve cleared all that up, let us move on.

So shortly after I received that phone call I was sitting in my chair, board in my lap, huge pile of pennies I had to count out. You know if you are delusional like me, you can really make a game out of that. Sure they are pennies, but with a little imagination you can be the richest man on the face of the planet counting out your gold.

This pile shall purchase Microsoft and all its affiliated businesses. This pile will pay for the time machine to go back in time to kindergarten when Kriss Staff punched me in the ear from behind for no reason what so ever. So then I can tell my younger self just turn around and deck the bastard cause you�ll kick is ass in about two years. Why wait that long.

Yeah, there are benefits to being easily amused.

So finally I count out all the pennies I�ll need to pay for the bus ride. Because lets face it, nothing is sadder then to pay for your computer to get fixed with pennies. At least on the bus they have that little thing to dump your change in. You won�t have to stand around feeling like a dumb ass as someone is forced to count it out.

The problem is that many pennies in your pockets can result in embarrassing moments. You�re just casually walking along when all that weight drags your pants down and poof. Everyone�s just got a shot of your pale ass glistening in the mid day�s sun.

Sorry for that visual.

Plus I don�t want to be standing separating and counting out the pennies as the driver watches me annoyed that this loser just can�t get off his lazy ass and go to a bank. So I separated the fares and stuck all those pennies in two empty packs of cigarettes.

Damn, I know those empty packs would come in handy.

Though if I analyze this scene to much it could be quite crushing to my spirit. A man standing on a curb clutching a pack of Basics in one hand and a pack of Camels in the other, only each one doesn�t hold cigarettes, but rather a shit load of pennies. A man who stays up all night and sleeps all day heading out to pay for computer repairs with what little money he has so he can fulfill his online diary addiction with a computer that not only has he named, but has had a conversation with on said diary.

Whoa��.that really sounds bad.

*activate memory repression, cram last paragraph of text deep in the sub conscious.*

Ok, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, so I get on the bus and there is one other passenger. It is this guy I�ve seen many times who works for the Kirby store underneath my apartment. I�ve never liked this guy even though I�ve never talked to him. He has a certain clean pressed, but still holy back woods kind of a look. His clothes always look very nice for business, but the kind of mom and pop business you find in a town that if you blink you miss it driving through. His hair is always slicked back, which maybe to him its convincing, but to the rest of the world we can see that large bald spot lying under that long hair combed back. He is always grumbling some shit under his breath with an air of anxiety around him. Like he always has somewhere to go which he is late for and it is your entire damn fault. Kind of like someone shoved half a meat ball sub up his ass and he�s pissed cause that was his dinner and he can�t get rid of that �I need to really shit� feeling because of it.

So there he is mumbling shit under his breath, leg bouncing anxiously, checking his watch every ten seconds as if time just warped several hours since the last time he looked.

I tell the driver where I want to go and proceed to dump one of the packs of pennies in the little change receptacle. I swear when that guy saw my pennies I could hear him whisper asshole under his breath.

That caught my attention real quick. So I looked over at him and just scowled, ready to say some shit to this guy if he has a problem. Apparently that worked pretty good cause the second I turned my scowl on him. All of a sudden he was REAL busy looking at anything but me.

I was about ready to give him some shit for his saying that, if he indeed did say it. Oh no I just added on another three more seconds tell you get home from work. Gee man, whatever will you to make up that lost time!

Though I figured he was one of those seriously anal retentive, repressed angry kind of guys. You know the kind that always finds something to mumble angrily about and are shocked and freaked out when someone confronts them about it. So I figured I�d cut the guy some slack even if he was the actual asshole in this.

After that everything went pretty smoothly picking up my computer and bringing it upstairs. I start it up on my old monitor and��OH I SEE SOMETHING I FUCKING SEE SOMETHING!

A major step forward for me at this point since before they had it, absolutely nothing came on the screen. Now I�m getting the Windows XP Professional boot up screen.

Yes, Trinity, I�m finally not using Win 95 anymore. Now talk about a serious upgrade for me.

Finally the desktop loads up and��

What the hell is this shit?!?

The screen is all pinched and shifting from the right side of the screen to the left over and over again giving the sense of moving at great speed. The best I can really describe this is if you watch anime. When someone, which ALWAYS happens, is running at top speeds. The screen takes on this fuzzy, moving at the speed of light motion effect. That is how my screened look.

Apparently my monitor is way too old for this new and improved computer.

Thankfully my next door neighbor Dragonhawke had a spare monitor to lend me. The man has tons of computer parts, but doesn�t seem to have a full and functioning computer. It�s kind of like having all the materials you need for the best sex you ever had in your life. Candles, music, lube, toys, lingerie, huge bed ready to be tied up on and a willing partner to do all the nasty things you so crave deep down inside. Only you forget to do the actual sex part of this activity.

At least it makes that much sense to me.

And yes his monitor works on my computer which is now up and running!

Oh hell, it�s never that simple for me. With my luck I�ll more then likely be that guy who wins the lottery in his twilight years only to keel over and die the very next day. Which is just not right because you shouldn�t feel paranoid about winning the lottery because you are karma�s official balancing bitch?

There are two errors left in my computer at this time. I say at this time because more then likely I�ll fix those two errors only to find another one somewhere else. One of them is it seems anytime I try and use the floppy drive it locks up my computer forcing me to do a hard boot.

Oh fun, I love forcing my computer to close down improperly. This leads to corrupt profiles, and XP then refusing to boot up at all, not even in safe mode. Well gee Spanky; I didn�t think I�d have to reformat my computer within the first two days of getting it working.

Yes, but the fun doesn�t end here! Behind curtain number two you�ll find modem driver interface problems that shut down in the middle of downloads. Thus freezing your internet connection until you restart your computer! Sending you in a fit of blind rage as you watch your downloads stop at around 89% complete and you are forced to save all your work and reboot your computer every five minutes.

Well damn Monty, are you going to give me a kiss before you fuck me up the ass!?!

Now here is hoping to I can fix these errors without completely fucking up my new computer. So I�m thinking an eight pound sledge hammer might be a little inappropriate at this point. Even though I really, REALLY want to do it.

You know its either I get this computer working in perfect condition or I get seriously laid. That�s my demands to fate, one or the other. You have to give me one of them or I swear I�m goanna flip out Shinning style on someone.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

No working computer and no sex makes Chromey a very angry boy.

*twitch*

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003