I have this strange obsession for office supplies. I get as giddy as a little school girl when I have prospects of getting a stack of loose note paper and plastic clicker pencils. This is a bit like Homer Simpson to anything edible on the face of the planet and a few non-edible objects. I get a bit stir crazy then drool profusely as I dream of all the wonders I shall have with my new office supplies.

WHOO HOO ERASER PENCILS!!

I have had this strange obsession for longer then I can remember. Every new school year I dreaded from day one. The days before that when I was handed arm loads of paper *pads and loose*, pencils, paper clips, and new binders. That would put me in a state of euphoria that was only out done later when I became aware of the glory that is naked female flesh.

So I�m wondering down the aisle, basking in the magnificence of office supplies, when I spot the holy grail of office supply geek-dom, bubble wrap. A new style of geek-dom, office supply geek chick, that I shall declare myself the creator and almighty ruler of from this day forth. I shall rule over my flock of office geeks with an iron fist covered in bubble wrap. So when it comes time to bring down my mighty fist to quash blasphemous rebellions to my thrown, I�ll be entertained by the sounds of tiny plastic bubbles popping.

Anyways, back to finding the bubble wrap.

I was stunned, frozen in my steps when I spotted big roll after big roll of bubble wrap. My eyes grew large and glazed over at the sight of so much bubble wrap there for my purchase. I�m so used to only seeing the stuff in the occasional package I�ve received in my life. I knew, logically, the shit was out there to buy, but it was somewhat magical to me. Somewhere there was a magical kingdom that cranked out sheet after sheet of bubble wrap, but knowing how fine of a treasure it is they horded it all to themselves. The rare occasion they shared this treasure with us after an offer of one of our virgins and a box of Ring Dings.

No I haven�t been downing Nyquil like its water. I just let my imagination get out of hand there.

What amazed me even more then finding so much bubble wrap was the price of said bubble wrap. A large roll of it cost only five freakin dollars! If I had found this as a kid I would have done the nastiest, hardest, most dreaded of chores for those five bucks. Just so I could get me a roll of bubble wrap and go nuts with it.

You know the longer I write this entry the unhealthier my obsession with office supplies and bubble wrap seems.

As I�m standing there staring at the bubble wrap an idea came to mind. I could take every roll of this bubble wrap off the shelf and lay it in a perfect row on the floor. Then after I check for any employees near by, climb up the nearest shelving unit then dive off onto the bubble wrap. Arms akimbo as I body slam all those rolls, bellowing out some kind of war cry.

Sure I�d probably be banned from the store for life and might see the inside of a jail cell and a possible fine, but it would all be worth it. Just the glorious idea of hearing thousands of tiny little bubbles popping simultaneously gives me the chills. My only worry would be is if all that bubbly cushioning caused me to bounce and go head first into a stack of lunch boxes or something else that could end with me having a concussion. Then again I could bounce just right and end up landing on a fresh spot of the bubble wrap and get double the pleasure, double the fun.

Yes I�m fully aware I need help, thank you very much.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
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A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003