Air.

It�s all around us, it fills our lungs, gives us oxygen to pump through our blood streams and feed our brain. It carries delicious aromas to our nose that enriches our lives. The sweet smells of freshly baked bread and cookies. The alluring smell of perfume on a woman�s body that makes you want to do such amazing things like this.

Gggrroooowwwwwlllllll!

The exotic smells of spices and herbs that augment a meal from �it gets me by� to �good god I want to marry this piece of steak!� It fills the air with the sickly sweet�.*sniff*�.sickly sweet�*sniff, sniff*

Ok who�s the wise guy who ripped one during my little love rant to air?

Anyways air, I love you in more ways then I can say with words or show you without suffering social and legal repercussions.

Sorry I didn�t send you something for Valentine�s Day though, air. Really I didn�t know where to send such gifts of love.

Seriously, get a P.O. Box or something.

You know your life needs a serious kick in the pants when you sit here coveting your neighbor�s brand new twenty four inch screen television with a spankin new Play station 2 to go with it.

Problem is I�m not sure if I�m looking for some kind of goal in life to improve it or should I just save up money and get a better entertainment center.

The cross roads in our life, how complicated they truly are.

To bad when you take one fork in the road in six months everything on it will be outdated.

In the immortal words of one curvaceous goddess.

Mickey Fickey advancements in technology.

Actually what I really need to do is stop procrastinating. Stop letting the negative side of me and negative comments about my work dictate if I should keep working or not.

I didn�t realize how bad I have gotten about my writing till it started seriously effecting my writing here on my diary.

Realizing that even when I spread my entries to one every two or three days I still feel like I have nothing to say. When it feels like a burden to write an entry I know I�ve delved to deep into negativity about my writing.

Which isn�t good since I�ve staked my entire life on the possible outcome my writing could get somewhere someday.

Especially when I can�t stop thinking about how it�s very possible I don�t even have the means to be a �writer� in any form what so ever. That quite possibly I have been fooling myself all these years when I thought of myself as one. That I might have the imagination needed to build a story, but not the skills or the abilities to be a writer. Even though I�m told what I have is something you can�t learn you have to just be born with it. And that the thing I struggle with is the thing that you can be taught and learn. It feels like if I don�t even have a decent grasp of that aspect now I will never have it.

It doesn�t help I�ve always been hyper critical of my own work and put it up to standards I don�t even require 90% of the shit I read. Or that it�s a very rare occasion that I don�t think something I�ve written is complete shit and a �real writer� could have done it more justice.

But now I have �seen the light� as you could say.

Me I say fuck it, lets leave some shit be as is and see if it works for me.

So take me as I am with all my flaws. See past all my crappy spelling, my horrible grammar, my poor sentence structure. Look for the story that is within all these blunders and maybe it will all be worth it.

This means I�m wiping the slate clean and starting over. Try and do it different then I ever have before. Sit down and just type out the stories in my head as they are and make them work as one coherent tale.

And, no offense to anyone who has done it, not let a single fucking person read my work till I feel the draft of it is done.

Nothing is more frustrating to a �writer� then showing a piece of there work to someone who gives you a million suggestions on how it �should� be.

With my work I know what is going on already in my head. I�ve already had this �movie� playing in my head. Well at the very least different scenes of the �movie�. And as it usually goes I already have established a beginning with major plot points and twists. Along with key characters and a established ending.

It�s the �filler� I�m lacking till I write it. All the things that piece together an ending, beginning, and major points in the story.

I�m the only one who knows these things so how can anyone feasibly give me a proper suggestion when they are lacking this material?

Sure I can get suggestions how to improve something based upon proper grammar and sentence structure, but that is it.

So now I�m just going to pick one of a thousand ideas that float through my head as I day dream the day away and go with it. Just put my nose to the proverbial grind stone and get it done.

After all nothing can be done by magical means of wishing it to be true.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003