And no I don�t have a greased up hole in my chair, smartass.

See now I love me the pop, can�t get enough of the soda. I gots to have me some god damn Pepsi or I go through caffeine withdraw and I have a strong urge to pimp slap someone silly. Right after I take a nap.

So I like to enjoy a soda when I�m sitting in my chair, reclining back and watching some television.

Now there is something about the angle of the recliner chair that creates a strange phenomenon in my body. Apparently I�m laid back enough in the chair to keep errant bubbles from riding up my esophagus like a five year old on a slip-n-slide. Angled just right so it sort of cuts it off and leaves it sitting in my stomach.

Then I�ll push down the foot stool of the chair and sit straight. That is when I rip a burp that would shame Booger from the Revenge of the Nerds movies.

I am a burping Zen master, yo.

Seeing as there is no gradual release of the gas in small bursts. Thus releasing the tension in my stomach so it doesn�t built up anything potentially Earth shattering. It all builds up into one big, uber burp from hell.

Like a wild beast deep in the jungle letting out its mating call I tilt my head back and let loose with and explosive release. Sometimes they are long, deep, sustained burps that require a slight gasp for air at the end. Or they are of an exceptionally loud variety leaving the question in my neighbor�s minds �did the Earth just move?�

Hands down if there was a burping contest I�d win unanimously. Just let me sit in my chair for an hour, eat a big meal, and chug down some pop. I�m sure I�ll blow away few air drums in the process.

This does feel exceptionally good because before I do this there is a tightness to my stomach. Afterwards it�s a tranquil moment of peace and serenity and a silent thank you something that big came out this end of my body.

The problem I have with this is what if I have host guests? Last time I looked when you can burp like Godzilla spewing radioactive lightening on Tokyo it wasn�t a very impressive trait for the ladies.

If I was in a room full of guys watching some testosterone laced programming and I let go with one of those bad boys. I�m sure I�d have a few grunts of approval from the crowd while all would have to silently cow tow to my male prowess.

My head tilted back majestically. My long main of hair flowing in the sudden breeze created from the belch to end all belches. Chest proudly thrust out as my lips flap with the power of said burp.

I am alpha male, listen to and fear my gas!

Really maybe I take to much pride in this or I�m desperate need of stop being a victim to social Darwinism.

Either way if you come over make sure to bring ear plugs. And a splash guard, just in case.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003